For me its not "leave him or leave us out of it" its "don't upload video evidence of him being the worst human, and then get mad at me for saying bad things about him, like what did you want me to say instead Rebecca?! That he has nice teeth? HE DOESN'T!"

I am the worst coworker to ask for advice because it’s always “leave him.”

For me, it’s not the not leaving, obviously that’s super dangerous and not easy. It’s the defending and trying to normalize bad or harmful behavior.

The things is: We can't help people who don't want help. Admitting that isn't the same as telling some one to "shut up."

My cousin is wheelchair bound due to sticking with her friend and staying too attached no matter what anybody said. She got shot in the hip. She was 22. She was a dancer. Her career and every plan she ever had is gone. The other girl is still with him.

I will only be supporting up to a point. I will not light myself on fire to keep you warm while you jump in ice water.

As a eternally single man, looking at these videos just makes me feel like most people in relationships genuinely just tolerate it for the social status, money or sex. They don't actually like each other THAT much.

These women grind my gears. Like, if you share your grievances and the people offer you a solution (For example: Leave your partner), only for you to BASH the people who are genuinely concerned for your situation, leave us out of it. Misery likes company, I suppose.

i don’t think people are pissed at women not fully leaving their husbands after complaining (mostly pertaining to online videos), i think its the fact that after posting a video of their husbands bad behaviour, lots of women get online and post THE SNARKIEST videos about how “you don’t know our relationship from one video” and “he’s an amazing father” or “he does this, that and the other for me”
if someone shows GENUINE concern for you, especially strangers online, after talking about your shitty husband, be grateful.

I watched my mom suffer through one toxic relationship to another. When I was younger, we'd beg and plead with her to leave.  For her safety and our own, but she never did. I hated that she chose these losers over and over again over us.

The worst part was listening to her complain endlessly about them. Only for her to do nothing about it.  A few years ago,  I started cutting her off the moment she started reminiscing about her bitter past. How life had been so unfair to her like we weren't there.

No, absolutely not.
LEAVE US OUT OF IT.

It's like the old saying: Misery loves company. Women want to know that she is not alone with her complaints - that it's not just her man who does awful things - that she didn't make a bad choice.

I think at the end of the day, people are not bottomless emotional dumpsters. No matter how trivial or serious, no one wants to feel like their only job is to accept someone else's endless stream of toxic garbage. Like the first lady said, I can give someone a couple moments on the same issue, but after that we need to get serious about making real changes.

The women who defend their partner's bad behavior online make everything more complicated. We want to support victims and give them a way out. My hypothesis is these women won't leave a toxic relationship or won't correct bad behavior because they can monetize it.
These women make everyone too exhausted and frustrated to decern if a woman is in need of help.

Leave him or leave US out of it. You gotta know who that "us" is. It's the short form video audience. If you're making content about a terrible relationship and your audience doesn't want to hear it, leave him or leave them out of it.

That's not to say that you either have to leave him or stay completely silent. There are still ways to ask for help or even to vent. This could be a friend or an irl group or it could literally just be REDDIT. Your tiktok audience may not give a shit if your boyfriend sucks, but there are communities online dedicated to giving a shit about talking to you about your shitty boyfriend.

OK, here’s the thing. Nobody is saying this to people who are going through very obvious, dangerous abuse.

It’s said because we’re tired of seeing people’s lazy and stupid husbands ruin their lives and then get mad on the Internet tells them that they deserve better

Nobody is telling women who are being beaten to stfu.

i have a friend who's had 10 boyfriends in just under 3 years. every single fucking time it's the same story. at this point i've told her to stop talking to me about her romantic life or buck up when I give you my honest opinion if you do so. find a new man, swear he's your soulmate after 2 days, isolate yourself after being told to be careful, get fucked over, cry about it, swear you're gonna de-center men, find a new man... it is exhausting. my friends know not to do that shit with me. i will support you, uplift you, and talk to you about literally every other aspect of your life, but if you know where i stand on your dating habits and i've told you the same shit ad nauseam and you continue to ignore it, you're insulting my intelligence, disrespecting me and playing in my face. straight up.

Women coming to the Internet to complain about how much they put up with with their husbands feels like a remnant of the Catholic notion that women’s suffering brings them closer to God… a notion that we are finally breaking from since patriarchy kept trying to instill it in us.

What these people don't seem to get is you literally can't do anything to help someone who doesn't want to be helped. No one has ever left their abusive partner without making the first step of admitting they're abusive. Seeing your friend suffer because of their toxic relationship while they adamantly refuse to do anything to change it is not a healthy situation for either one of you. Coddling someone and letting them justify the mistreatment they agree to receiving is not being a good friend. Being a good friend is telling someone the truth even if they don't want to hear it and not saying "I told you so" when they finally accept reality.

Yeah I'm not interested in hearing anyone announce how happily they'll accept the bare minimum

There are other ways to tell someone your partner is a dick than making a 92 part series about how we overreacted. You can DM someone, text, call, send private videos etc without making an entire page and then making money off of it.

I also think that people online have weaponized therapy speak on this issue. These videos are not examples of abuse he's just an inconsiderate, lazy, low quality partner. You can be a bad partner and not be an abuser. Comparing a guy being on his phone throughout a date (not in a calculated way purely out of lack of self awareness and empathy)  to someone that is emotionally or physically abusing someone is very dishonest