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The Truth Behind the “Perfect Marriage” with Sarah White | S3E3

Lisa Sonni

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From the outside, it looks like a happy marriage: smiling photos, family dinners, and church events. Inside the house, it is a completely different story.

Lisa is joined by survivor turned coach Sarah White for an honest conversation about the quiet, hidden abuse that lives behind the image of the “good relationship.” Together, they unpack why so many women stay silent, protect the man hurting them, and convince themselves that what is happening is not really abuse. Sarah shares how emotional abuse, sexual coercion, gaslighting, and chronic confusion slowly eroded her health, her self trust, and her sense of safety.

This episode explores the toll emotional abuse takes on the body, why confusion is a warning sign, and how kindness and cruelty can exist in the same relationship. Lisa names the moment many survivors resist but eventually face: He knows he is hurting you, and waiting for him to understand only keeps you trapped. You are not betraying anyone by choosing yourself, you are finally telling the truth. Reach Sarah White Instagram: @echosofherbravery or @sarahjeanettteee Web: www.echosofherbravery.com Email: coachsarahwhite@gmail.com

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About Lisa Sonni
Abusive relationship educator and trauma bond recovery expert. Certified Trauma Recovery Coach, creator of the Break & Rebuild Method, and author of four abuse-recovery books. Host of Relationships Uncensored Podcast.

#NarcissisticAbuse #TraumaRecovery #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery
#TraumaBonding #EmotionalAbuse #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #HealingFromTrauma #ToxicRelationships

⚠️ DISCLAIMER: This content is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not therapy or medical advice. Always seek professional help for your specific situation.

20 Comments

@lisasonni Creator 8 months ago Pinned

If you’ve already left but still don’t feel like “you,” this is the stage no one warns you about. The numbness, the identity loss, the exhaustion after survival mode.

Rise and Rebuild is where I help you reconnect with who you are, rebuild trust in yourself, and create the kind of inner calm you haven’t felt in years.

If you’re ready to feel grounded, confident, and whole again, you can learn about the next round here: https://strongerthanbefore.ca/rise-and-rebuild-group-coaching/

@jessicakruger7 8 months ago

What I find even more breaking is when you do reach out to people you trust and they say "OH shame, Im sorry". As someone suffering from PTSD, I feel like I am reliving childhood trauma now, everyone knows but no one wants to get involved. It is an incredibly lonely place to be in.

@JanetMitchell-y8i 8 months ago

I still have a difficult time calling what a dealt with for 31 years abuse. I grew up in dysfunction and thought it was "normal." I always told myself that I would never live like my parents, but yet there I was, not the exact same but dysfunction none the less. The day he walked out that door I knew I was done. My heart could not wait around for the next time, 2 days, 4 months 1 1/2 years. It was never if, always when.

@Angel-t4p9w 8 months ago

Yeah it's not raised his voice in 6 months but you also still walking on eggshells and you're scared to death to breathe

@Angel-t4p9w 8 months ago

They need to start teaching this stuff and the grade schools for real cuz this is ridiculous our entire world is broken due to an entitlement

@Angel-t4p9w 8 months ago

What you said before about what the children learn you can't be more right because what my kids learn from my abuser is how to abuse me when he's absent

@KariAnneAKA-God 8 months ago

"If you're confused, you are being abused"
I hope I can use that lol

@catb8661 8 months ago (edited)

I was emotionally abused through gaslighting for at least the second half of a 41-yr marriage by a husband who was a church elder and Bible study leader, which left me estranged by 2 adult daughters so I can't see my 6 grandchildren because he convinced them I had a personality disorder. He committed adultery early in our marriage, but yet he claimed I had the problem that made him do that. He divorced me in my late 60's and is married now to a much younger woman, living a life of world travel I wanted. I'm healthier and more at peace after nearly a decade apart, but I still have difficulty trusting men.

@hollyandstelladoodle8748 8 months ago

Your videos make me feel sane. Thank you.

@zorkalmighty 8 months ago

I liked this video. Mainly because it didn't leave me with the impression that the none abusive man doesn't exist while also not excepting the narrative that abusers set for people.

@HangingChad03 8 months ago

IF UR CONFUSED-UR ABUSED ☝️💯

@gamelion3657 8 months ago

Omg. I’m so exhausted of women feeling they MUST PROVE “I’m NOT a man hater”. For SAYING the things HE did and said to her, or the things men collectively DO and SAY, to women and children. If we expect oppressed groups, victims, to PROVE they “don’t hate” while not holding oppressors or perpetrators to the same standard….. Seriously. Do lgbtqa and other minority groups who experience violence because of who they were born as have to do this? I don’t hear them saying “I don’t hate straight people” every time they speak about someone who hurt them or threatened them. Why are we not asking MEN to prove they don’t HATE us by changing their words, actions, beliefs, and stopping the government oppression and removal of our rights to safety and equality?

@Theblondest 7 months ago

This might resonate with some of you. I can't have kids. But, my dog that I fled with definitely has trauma. You can't explain with words to a doggo. He just wants to protect me.

@e2theoc 5 months ago (edited)

11:13 THIS is exactly it. It can go from one way to then minutes later another way (but not resolving anything), he would walk out of the room, storm off or go to the bathroom and then come back and completely ignore the fight or not continue the conversation. Then maybe leave me alone not resolving anything but then come in and ask if i wanted food, not continue the conversation, not asking if im ok, always just do you want food. All our conversations stopped under his command and I would have to follow him around or go "hello? why are you just stopping the conversation" absolutely mentally draining and infuriating and showing a complete disregard for my feelings and led to the confusion and cycle.

@assistivetechchick 8 months ago

I appreciate this woman sharing her story. I was raised Southern Baptist but I had never heard of a sin problem as an excuse. I have since deconstructed because of the abuse in coercive control that church has had over myself and other women.

@traumathrivers2360 8 months ago

Survivors are so strong and can be somewhat different, just like abusers are not all the same. Some survivors say they left as soon as things got physical or was obviously headed in that direction because the emotional abuse wasn't fully recognized as abuse until it turned physical. Others may have dissociated and compartmentalized physical assault as a bad day. I relate to Sarah's story about the relationship not being performative. It was about wanting the connection and she was less concerned with any performative aspect. For others, the pressure of performing may be more motivation to stay and keep the image of the intact family alive while the children could suffer from incongruent or confusing messaging in what's being said versus what's being shown. Thanks for sharing your truths. I agree if you're confused, you're likely being abused. A real connection would be safe enough to bring clarity and sustain it. ❤

@crystalH30 8 months ago

Wow this interview was amazing literally spoke to me ..

@Erica85255 8 months ago (edited)

My divorce, and the period of time leading up to it only strengthened my walk with The Lord. I didn’t realize I was unequally yoked with my ex. My boys were the biggest factor as to why I stayed, in addition to not wanting to disappoint God. He answered my prayers and gave me a way out. While this adjustment has not been easy, I’m grateful to be out of the dysfunction. I couldn’t go on living in a state of fight or flight.

@carly8056 8 months ago

Please please PLEASE go a little deeper into “therapy speak” and how when you don’t really identify with all of these psycho-pop terms and come from a place of stoicism, it makes it even more difficult to see yourself as trauma bonded or in an abusive relationship. I don’t think of myself as needy, weak, or a shrinking violet. I am a very confident, intelligent and otherwise assured woman- which actually makes it a million times harder for me to accept and believe what is happening to me. This is why I am so grateful to have found your channel, you talk like a regular woman that has a bit of spice and tells it like it is, instead of offering cups of tea and crying over your “howling inner child” etc.

@ladybug9708 8 months ago

This was such a great discussion! I can’t wait till this is common knowledge! Thank you for all you do to help so many women. I wish more people could have compassion for the victims of abuse instead of blaming them for staying. I’m wondering if you know any statistics on how often psychological abuse turns to physical abuse. Also I want people to know that all types of abuse will affect you physically and mentally and spiritually ! I can’t wait to see the end of abuse in all its forms all around the world.