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Becoming a Fundamentalist Trad Wife Almost K*lled Me

Cults to Consciousness

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Tia Levings discusses her new book “I Belong to Me” as a continuation of her healing journey after escaping a deeply controlling Christian patriarchal environment. Her first memoir, “A Well-Trained Wife”, focused on surviving ab*se and indoctrination, while the second book explores what comes after leaving: trauma recovery, identity rebuilding, and deconstruction. Tia describes how religious extremism, purity culture, and patriarchal systems shaped her from chiIdhood into adulthood, conditioning her to suppress autonomy, accept ab*se, and remain emotionally dependent. She shares how these systems impacted her development, relationships, s*xuality, and sense of self, ultimately culminating in a near murd*r-su*cide escape from her marriage and a decade-long process of healing.

Watch our follow up LIVE stream with Tia: https://www.youtube.com/live/u6ZF-2sW...

Watch our initial interview with Tia: How “A WELL TRAINED WIFE” Narrowly Escaped...
Pt 2 with Tia: https://www.youtube.com/live/CI8_9zL0...

Find and support Tia!

Order “I Belong to Me” (Book and website): https://tialevings.com/
IG: Instagram: tialevingswriter
Substack: https://tialevings.substack.com/
Linktree: http://linktr.ee/TiaLevings

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Chapter Marks

00:00:00 Intro
00:10:14 Overview of Tia's story
00:14:10 Interference in development milestones
00:19:39 Purity culture
00:28:04 The real world impacts of purity culture teaching
00:32:43 Fight, flight, freeze, & fawn trauma responses
00:37:27 Neurological responses to trauma & triggers
00:46:12 Connections between trauma and arousal
00:52:47 Getting stuck in a trauma response
01:00:22 CW: SA, Therapy modalities
01:09:35 Taking accountability
01:21:15 Boundaries and expectations
01:25:56 Final thoughts

**Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority.

This podcast provides a platform for guests to share their personal experiences and opinions. The views expressed are solely those of the guest and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or producers. Any allegations discussed are unverified and represent personal accounts only. All individuals mentioned are presumed innocent unless proven otherwise. The podcast assumes no legal responsibility for statements made by guests.**

20 Comments

@IntrepidStorytelling 4 months ago

OH. MY. GOD. Purity culture is teaches women to stay childlike!!!! This is exactly how my parents sheltered me so much that I was perfect prey for predators.......and why I later was groomed, trafficked, and abused by men all of my life. This is putting words to the feelings I've had for so long........

@AlwaysBeLearning54321 4 months ago (edited)

Wow, Tia’s vocabulary is so precise, compelling, clarifying. I’m blown away by her depth and expertise. I just ordered her book and hope it helps me find my voice because my life is officially in reckoning for having stayed small and fawning for 54 years.

@Handlereacts 4 months ago

Tia saying "Both a man who was not capable of the amount and mantle of responsibility that patriarchy was giving him, but also was mean-spirited and abusive about it " -- I am literally about to cry because this is A LOT of (not even super religious) men I know. Wow

@smarie3874 4 months ago

“I wanted to feel whole. I wanted to have a future that wasn’t all about my past.” Wow, so powerful 👏

@heart_full_hands_full 4 months ago

As a Christian mom and wife in a healthy, happy, marriage based off of mutual love, respect, and compromise I am so so so happy to see these groups referred to as cults.

@MarjorieMcLachlan 4 months ago

May I just point out, as someone who worked with abused women for 40 years, compliance does not ensure safety. I worked with women who were beaten when they were sleeping. I also know many women who reported being abused, verbally, physically and emotionally because, according to their abuser, they were too compliant, " spineless". Abuse may be cloaked in myriad ideologies, but the ideology is just the window dressing. Strip it away , it is ALWAYS about power, and the craving for power is ALWAYS about the insecurity and weakness and inadequacy of the abuser. It is NEVER an expression of strength.

@ChristiGreen86 4 months ago

I've recently heard someone refer to appease rather than fawn and it made my life make SO MUCH more sense, but UGH

@gretahelphrey7842 4 months ago

Wonderful conversation! Just ordered “I Belong to Me.” At 75, I’m still growing, and I learned so much listening to this conversation.

@lisadwyer9699 4 months ago

We were taught in Nursing School that the act of Breast Feeding your new born could cause orgasm, due to all the hormones. When women reported it to their Dr, they were getting turned into CPS 💔

@AbbaJoy1 4 months ago

The more I listen to all these interviews, Duggar, etc., the more pieces of the puzzle I either saw or experienced fit together. And the more I see how close my children and I came to being subject to these things. It's like layers of an onion being peeled back little by little.

@mikaelamoyher5156 4 months ago

This topic is such a trigger point for me growing up in Fundamental Christianity and abuse. Glad someone is speaking up i love Tia

@nixand_brennt 4 months ago

ok im only halfway through but gotta say I LOVE LOVE LOVE the content warnings. I am far along on my own primary trauma journey, and I know for myself one of the things I did to heal was to actively seek out potentially triggering content and consume it mindfully. Reminding my brain and my body that I AM safe, and able to get away from the trigger whenever I need to. I couldn't have done that without trigger warnings/content warnings. it's not just about people needing to avoid certain things, it's about being careful and aware of things you consume.

@imnotknitting 4 months ago

I went back and watched her 2 other interviews before watching this one. What I love about Tia is that, in every interview, she didn’t focus on the details of what happened to her but on her healing process. I love how she talks about being full and not just accepting the brokenness. Gave me a lot to think about in my own journey.

@NelliMelli1999 4 months ago

Thank you Tia for being so open about parenting. My parents made quite a mess and I have a difficult relationship with my mother. We are at a point in our live that she's getting older and needs a lot of help. Her mother did not allow her to have any needs, so she didn't allow that to me either. I'm all she has left. She is very demanding and it's exhausting to keep my boundaries because she acts like a three year old. I'm so grateful for my husbands side of the family. His parents have showed me that this is not normal. It's so hard to have a parent who has never taken the responsibility of her own actions or emotions. I have spent so many years trying to parent myself so I can survive and be the parent for my children that I never had.

@LauraOttawa 4 months ago

Thank you Tia for reminding us that we can still grow as people, throughout our lives ❤

@abigailjacksondaniels 4 months ago

Tia, thanks for calling out in Well-Trained Wife that going through all this crap makes it hard (if not impossible) to stay in an organized religion/church environment.

I actually ended up going to an Orthodox church last year, and while I loved the slow pace and reverence of the liturgy, being in a high-control religious environment again was giving me panic attacks, so I had to stop going entirely. I'm probably never going to be part of an organized religion/church again, and I'm ok with that. As long as me and God are square, I don't care what other humans think.

@decocq2013 4 months ago

The early parts of this interview gave me a flashback to how I (growing up as a Christian cis girl) just blindly accepted that I existed for my future husband. I wish I could give that girl a hug. Can't wait to read this book.

@katwitanruna 4 months ago

Break the silence. Break the cycle.

@MinimumFlair 4 months ago

It’s a rare and gorgeous thing when the interviewer and the subject are equally smart, empathetic, courageous, and insightful. I look forward to reading both Tia’s books. Well done, you two!

@lisac3089 4 months ago

I am so,lucky I escaped. My first husband was actually not abusive I grew up being taught theses things by my parents. When we decided we were going to separate, my mother told me she was so ashamed of me, and then screamed at my husband “ you are the head of the household. You need to get YOUR WIFE in line.” To this day (25 years later) we still fight about her unhealthy view of marriage. What’s sad is she is so unhappy and my dad is so mean and verbally abusive to her.