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Sex by the Third Date? What the “3 Date Rule” is REALLY About

2nd Act TV

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Sex on the third date?Is the “3 date rule” actually still a thing after 50?

As outdated and juvenile as it sounds, it’s surprising how often this still comes up in dating after 50.

In this conversation, dating coach Laurie Gerber and I talk about why the old “3 date rule” is misleading — especially for people who genuinely want a relationship, not just chemistry or a temporary connection.

We get into:
👉 The misunderstandings that happen between men and women around early intimacy
👉 Why men and women often attach very different meaning to sex
👉 What you should really be paying attention to by the third date

Because the real question usually isn’t: “Should we have sex?”
It’s: “Is this actually going somewhere?”

🔔 Subscribe to 2nd Act TV for honest conversations about dating, intimacy, and relationships after 50. 2ndacttv

Laurie Gerber is the creator of Master the Art of Love, an online course for women over 50 who are ready to stop leaving love to chance and start pursuing it with real intention. She also created Master the Art of Love for Men.

She hosts the podcast “Love at Any Age,” where she coaches listeners on the honest, practical strategies that lead to healthy, lasting relationships.

With over 20 years of experience — first as President of the Life Coaching division at Handel Group® and then as founder of Laurie Gerber Coaching Inc. — she has coached thousands of individuals and couples to break old patterns and build something genuinely great.

Laurie has been featured on the Today Show, Dr. Phil, MTV, and A&E, and tapped as the resident love expert at Match, Zoosk, Jdate, and more. She writes for AARP, 60 and Me, Kuel Life, and her own blog. She's been married for 27 years, has three kids, and knows firsthand what it takes to build something that lasts.

More information about Laurie and to contact her directly, visit: https://lauriegerber.com/

Get more great advice from Laurie on her podcast Love at Any Age: https://lauriegerber.com/love-at-any-age

Check out her Men’s Group: https://lauriegerber.com/course-men

Links for Laurie: https://linktr.ee/lauriegerber_coach

Watch our previous videos with Laurie: Featured Expert, Laurie Gerber

More 2nd Act videos on Dating and Relationships after 50: Dating and Relationships Over 50

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20 Comments

@lynnpoole7830 4 months ago

A woman makes a man wait months before sex. Then you realize her EX dumped her because of a sexless marriage. If a woman wants to wait months for sex she's not into sex.

@bbainter7880 4 months ago

A lot of men in this period of life have spent possibly decades in a sexless or nearly-sexless marriage, and they don't want to waste their time with somebody who might be sex-negative like their ex wife was.

@Deltacaptain1980 4 months ago

Another great episode with Laurie. From the guy's perspective (95% of us): If we are asking you out, we are wanting eventual intimacy. The first date is usually to see if there is compatibility and a mutual attraction. The second date we are getting to know each other better and the assumption is if we asked you out, our attraction is still there (and no deal-breakers have surfaced). The third date can be the "event" if we are both on the same page. Make no mistake, most of us guys are willing to wait longer (a bit), but not forever. Neither of us wants to waste time at our age, and the intimacy is what separates a friendship from an LTR.

@owensomers8572 4 months ago

Women, if you aren't looking for physical intimacy, why are you dating? And if you don't know by the third date that you want physical intimacy with someone, be a mensch and let the guy know.

@canon2235 4 months ago

3rd date here, we've been together for over a year and neither one of us have regrets. Important that both are ready and want it at that time. Waiting has benefits too.

@JeffAugusta 4 months ago

Here we go. On average, in the USA, people have sex on the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd date. Women after 50 have lost their minds. Date younger. You'll be happier.

@andrewbird57 4 months ago

I've written about this before here, I found the women who in their Match profile were adamant about not wanting to just hookup were usually the women who seemed the most sex-starved, who were ready to get naked on a 1st or 2nd date. These were women in their 50s and 60s. I had a few short-term relationships that were about sex and little else. Most of the women I dated, we didn't progress that far. When I finally met a woman who I was completely compatible with, who I've been with just over 2 years now, we didn't jump right into a sexual relationship. After our 3rd date, which was really epic, we knew we had found something in each other we wanted to build on. We eased into sexual intimacy from there. We're both in our 60s.

@trulysurprised-bk7cy 4 months ago

Actually that's when my wife and I did it, but honestly it should be when you're ready.

@woodliceworm4565 4 months ago

I dont think these things can be determined by a schedule, it's more about becoming used to and knowing the other person, it can be four weeks or 12 weeks, the complaint I heard from women was that men always wanted to push for sex too early. When you are both ready, you're ready. Until then its about being civil and exploring each other's backgrounds and ambitions. Having sex is not a test run for a relationship; it is part of a relationship.

@davidfinch4778 4 months ago

I find that very few women have the patience to wait for the third date.

@Teekaye-f8h 4 months ago

Silke, Laurie. Together. Teach me! Seriously, you both have helped me so much in my dating journey, and I cannot thank you enough.

@starcatcher3691 4 months ago (edited)

I am shocked how quick to sex many will go. Some date date one and two. Why can't it be cuddling and kissing and doing other things until you are ready? I've learned that from a younger friend of mine. Slowly escalate the intimacy. Doesn't have to be all at once. And then all the way once you are both ready. Sex changes everything. It can be very powerful. Best to go into it when you feel really ready.

@craigkostant232 4 months ago

I’m 65 and widowed. I think getting to know a woman longer is better.sex changes everything.a right time and right place for everything. I’m trying to get a date but it’s hard.dating apps are terrible. I live rural so I would have to travel for someone anyway.I’ve just about given up. I have hobbies and peace.but it would be nice to share my life and money with someone.

@Cheryl28225 4 months ago (edited)

I get that an honest conversation about sex and one's "issues" (for lack of a better word) is necessary at our age, but boy oh boy is it demoralizing. I NEVER had to do that until I hit my 50s.ANd I can't imagine having it with a younger partner ... because he won't be going through the same level of diminishment and won't understand it.

@stephenweast4674 4 months ago

I really like watching these two women. they can talk about the most delicate of subjects in such a light hearted way!

@swalker6794 4 months ago

One of your best shows!! It seems so difficult to find a girl who can be as open with the openness as you guys in what we can/should talk about. Thanks

@roycebackflow 4 months ago

All of the awkward things that people avoid are actually my favorite topics. It's such a great source of excitement. Am I crazy, or do other people agree?

@easywriter7836 4 months ago

Could be an exception, but my rule is, third date or they’re not into sex or not into me. Also, sexual tension distracts from relating to the non-sexual qualities.

@Lucyjones2356 4 months ago

Wait to get to know the person. Wait as long as you can as the red flags will reveal themselves over time. Sex is the icing in the cake not the appetiser. You don’t know each other after 3 dates.

@bdrogin 4 months ago

Thank you for the mention of getting tested and STI's at 11:00. One thing you are building up over three dates (and longer) is trust, and if you can't be sure you trust the person then, even if you ask, you better be having safe sex initially, even if your intention is NOT long-term.

Also thanks for the talk about making out, what do you define as sex, what do you define as monogamy (no mention of exclusivity, but that matters, too), etc. Basically, thanks for taking your time with this episode and fully exploring it.

As a city dweller who doesn't use a car for dating, even some forms of making out (if not defined by some as "sex") really can't be done in public. After a third date, a "home visit" - even if it doesn't end with "sex" or with sleeping over - is appropriate. THAT should be the "three date rule," in my opinion.