OpenTube

Dating After 50: You're Kissing... Now What? (The Gray Zone Nobody Talks About)

2nd Act TV

19,330 views

A viewer recently left a comment that made me realize we'd skipped over one of the most awkward parts of dating after 50.

We talk about first dates. We talk about chemistry. We talk about sex.
But what about everything in between?

You're dating someone. You're holding hands. You're kissing. The attraction is definitely there... but now you're both stuck wondering, "Okay... now what?"

How do you move things forward without making it awkward? Where do two grown adults even have those first intimate moments? Do you make out in the car like teenagers? Book a hotel? Or just hope someone finally invites the other over? And what if both people are waiting for the other to make the first move?

Treva Brandon Scharf and I call this the "Gray Zone"—the stage where both people are interested, but neither is quite sure how to move things forward. We talk about why so many men are hesitant to make the first move today, how women can encourage a man without feeling like they're throwing themselves at him, and why this stage can feel surprisingly awkward... even for two confident adults.

If you've ever thought, "I can't believe I'm dealing with this again at my age," you're definitely not the only one.

🔔 Subscribe to 2nd Act TV for honest, emotionally intelligent conversations about dating, love, intimacy, and relationships after 50. 2ndacttv

Treva Brandon Scharf is an author, ICF-certified life coach, dating coach, relationship expert, fitness professional, and marriage first-timer at 51. More information about Treva, here: https://trevabrandonscharf.com/

Apply for a 45-minute complimentary discovery session with Treva, here:
https://trevabrandonscharf.com/privat...

Get your copy of Treva’s debut book, Done Being Single: A Late Bloomers Guide to Love: https://amzn.to/3GNrCns

Read Treva’s latest blogs: https://trevabrandonscharf.com/blog/

Tune in to Treva and Robby’s podcast “Done Being Single” here: https://donebeingsingle.com/

More 2nd Act TV Videos with Treva: Dating Over 50: The Top Dating Trends for ...
————————————————————————————
Welcome to 2nd Act TV — where love, dating, and relationships after 50 get a fresh (and sometimes humorous) new look! If you want to find and keep love after 50, this is your place to thrive!

👉 Subscribe to 2nd Act TV: 2ndacttv

👉 Please SUPPORT OUR CHANNEL and check out our new Merch Store: http://2ndact.tv/
————————————————————————————

20 Comments

@TheIndenturedLongsnapper 1 month ago (edited)

Those of us over 60, closer to 70 actually, aren't into playing games."I like you, you like me, I'm fine without you, you're fine without me,do you wanna get naked or not?" "Yes" ,great . "No? - pull the door tight on your way out." Immediately starts watching a YouTube video about Billy Idol.....

@phineassmith 2 months ago

Younger women know that men want sex, older women want to believe that men don't want sex.

@felixnorman9562 2 months ago

Come on! " "Valhalla I am coming" At our our age, we don't have time! I'm not in Junior High School!

@ThomasKennedy-h9b 2 months ago

This discussion literally applies to me right now!!! I have gone on 4 dates with a very nice woman I met on Match. I feel the chemistry slowly building. We are attracted to one another. And the conversation just flows very comfortably between us
. I am in no hurry to rush things. And Neither is she. We do hug and kiss a little. The journey is exciting. We are getting to know one another!!
I like this slow, deliberate, and progressive pace.
I feel like a teenager again.

@AreaThirteenThirteen 1 month ago (edited)

I was an apprentice on a jobsite in the late 80's and I was in my early 20's, we stored materials for the job in a utility room that led to the occupied building next door, I went in there one morning to get some fittings and there was a couple making out. I am guessing they were in their 30's or 40's, they still had their clothes on and it looked like office attire so I assume they were co workers, well anyway they separated and I pretended that I didn't see them, grabbed my stuff and got out of there real quick... I got back to my work area and told the old man I was working with what I saw, he was in his early to mid 60's at the time and he told me this..." Just as sure as farting leads to shitting, kissing leads to F'ng"...I thought that was hilarious coming from him.

@danhall3450 2 months ago (edited)

@ 10:10: "So, it's almost like if we go to his house or mine there's implications there that may or may not be misread or whatever. I mean, how how do you plan for being in a place to have intimacy without having that be awkward?"
After 6 weeks and many hours together I sensed that we were on a similar plane of trust & desire -- after some passionate kissing sessions and a lot of conversation & about what we liked physically & monogamy - I just texted before she came over one day saying: "Bring your toothbrush if you'd like to spend the night here".
Short, simple, sweet with major implications & it gave her the option to say yes or no without embarrassment or confrontation ... She said "OK", brought her toothbrush & the last 3 weeks have been amazing for both of us!
I'm 77 (was widowed a year ago, she is 70 was divorced 30 years ago) & now enjoying the best lovemaking I've ever experienced.

@Joseph-p8e4x 2 months ago

Why would I want to buy the cow when all I want is a little bit of milk now

@si_w8201 2 months ago (edited)

The problem with these subtle hints are they are no good, although anything that reinforces the connection between the two of you is good. In my new relationship, she broached the subject of my staying overnight at her place which then naturally led to the conversation about what that meant for both of us, so there was a clear expectation for both of us. It wasn't hard, I wasn't pushing for anything and she naturally took the lead.

We'd already kissed and held hands at this point, but I wasn't going to rush her into something she wasn't ready for...turns out she was.

@edgarschwarz2281 2 months ago

Kissing as the beginning of a gray zone triggered me. My girlfriend and I had met a couple of times over two months. Not exactly as dates. Both 60+. Then at a time she initiated a good night hug and kiss. The next day we planned to book a city tour for Amsterdam. Now I took the next step of proposing to book a double room and she agreed. Nevertheless she had second thoughts the next day. Two days later she decided to take the "risk". And it worked out 😉
We are together now for three years.

@ivanvarykino8202 2 months ago

How about a villa with roof top patio in Vatican city, Rome?
Air BnB or VRBO private villa with separate bedrooms, enough additional space for personal privacy, full kitchen to prepare fun and interesting meals together, and an inexpensive bottle (or 2) of affordable, delicious Italian wine?
Never thought it possible to feel like a school kid discovering first love again , but it happened that very night while looking out over lush gardens from an amazing rooftop, arm in arm and sharing a glass of wine with the woman who is now my wife ☺️

@nikkipage9132 2 months ago

Having listened to many podcasts, dating seems to be a nightmare!

@dwm53w1k6 2 months ago

So the women I met we were 16 miles from the nearest road solo backpacking. We have now continued backpacking together but still using separate one-person tents. "You now, we could lighten out backpacks if we brought just one tent".

@Teekaye-f8h 2 months ago

Love the discussion, ladies. 52 years old male here. Started a LDR with an amazing woman I met on a dating app a couple of months ago. On our first "date," I drove 7 hours to meet her in NC at an Airbnb I had rented (a long weekend in her home city). After we had a lovely picnic dinner/wine outside the place overlooking a lake, we went on a nice hike for about an hour. When we returned, she wanted to go inside my rental. We started kissing and were off to the races, lol. Have had passionate, connected, mostly "slow sex" several times now after a couple of dates, and it has been really incredible (unlike anything I had ever experienced in my long, mostly sexless marriage). I would have waited maybe for another couple of dates, but I am not complaining, lol.

@bobmorgan5636 2 months ago

We must be careful to not start living and acting on artificial opinions of "other people "

@trinaroe5132 2 months ago

I think the issue is with safety if you want to kiss/make out, but aren’t ready for more than that. Key question you mentioned earlier is “where”? You don’t necessarily want to make out in public, but going to one or the other’s home may give an expectation for more. Definitely requires conversation about what is expected and limits beforehand which may or may not kill the vibe if you each have different expectations.

@JBean_COCR 11 days ago

I'm male, 69, divorced after 35 years, the last 10 sexless. Just you two talking about heating things up is exciting to me. To answer your question, for me, I'm waaaay more patient then when I last dated. And I understand how important build up is to women, little secret, it's important to me too. I can't speak for other guys, but I've got rejection trauma. I would be ok with being led on for a while, but then if it always stops at kissing, although that's better than what I faced over the last ten years, I would probably start to feel rejected and move on. I have not and will not ever force myself on anyone. No games please.

@abart2056 2 months ago (edited)

Making out at this age is fun. If you are comfortable with him and you like him, and he likes you. I did initiate after several dates with a guy by asking, I really like you do you wanna go make out? 😂

I went on another date with a different guy, and I leaned in to kiss him and he backed away. Maybe I had bad breath and caught him off guard! That was awkward but we did exchange a small kiss.

Sometimes, you just have a feeling after several dates and interactions. I like that Treva said, “It’s a dance” because I feel it is and practice makes you better at it and more confident! 🥰🥳

@bealivingmiracle 2 months ago

You both brought out excellent points. I am surprised that anyone is desiring to be in a relationship these days... For the few who have the courage, the bravery, and the self-awareness, there may be a life-enhancing relationship in the future.

@IncandescentVoltage 2 months ago

I’m not currently in the dating world, but I got such a kick out of this video! I especially loved when you said, "I don't care how old you are, there's always going to be that kind of weird moment." That is so true! Weird moments can happen even in completely ordinary, non-dating situations. 😂

I also really appreciated all your ideas for building intimacy before jumping into bed together. It made me think of Jane Austen's time, when people didn't even hold hands or touch unless they were on the dance floor. A simple brush of the hand could feel incredibly provocative and leave both people thinking about it for days! There's something beautiful about allowing anticipation to build instead of rushing past it.

@alexanderlapp5048 2 months ago

🎵 Third rate romance 🎵
🎵 Going rondeveu 🎵

This song came in to my head when you were talking about finding someplace.

Now on a more serious note, all the woman has to do is say "Kiss me." That's it, just two words.