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The 3–6–9 Dating Rule? When Things Start to Shift—Here’s What’s Happening

2nd Act TV

5,372 views

You meet someone… and it feels like this could be it.
And then—something shifts.

They’re not showing up the same.You’re noticing things you didn’t before.And suddenly you’re thinking… “Is something going wrong?”

In this conversation, dating coach Laurie Gerber ‪@lauriegerbercoach‬ breaks down what’s actually happening during those first months of dating—and why this shift is more normal than most people think.

We talk about why early chemistry can feel so convincing…
what really starts to show up a few months in…
and why the moment things feel harder isn’t necessarily a red flag.

Because here’s the part most people miss:
It’s not that something is going wrong.
It’s that you’re finally seeing the relationship clearly.

And after 50? That clarity comes with a lot more at stake—emotionally and practically.

👉 If you’ve ever gone from “this feels amazing” to “wait… what’s happening?”—this will hit home.

🔔 Subscribe to 2nd Act TV for honest, emotionally intelligent conversations about love, dating, and relationships after 50:2ndacttv

Laurie Gerber is the creator of Master the Art of Love, an online course for women over 50 who are ready to stop leaving love to chance and start pursuing it with real intention. She also created Master the Art of Love for Men.

She hosts the podcast “Love at Any Age,” where she coaches listeners on the honest, practical strategies that lead to healthy, lasting relationships.

With over 20 years of experience — first as President of the Life Coaching division at Handel Group® and then as founder of Laurie Gerber Coaching Inc. — she has coached thousands of individuals and couples to break old patterns and build something genuinely great.

Laurie has been featured on the Today Show, Dr. Phil, MTV, and A&E, and tapped as the resident love expert at Match, Zoosk, Jdate, and more. She writes for AARP, 60 and Me, Kuel Life, and her own blog. She's been married for 27 years, has three kids, and knows firsthand what it takes to build something that lasts.

More information about Laurie and to contact her directly, visit: https://lauriegerber.com/

Get more great advice from Laurie on her podcast Love at Any Age: https://lauriegerber.com/love-at-any-age

Check out her Men’s Group: https://lauriegerber.com/course-men

Links for Laurie: https://linktr.ee/lauriegerber_coach

Watch our previous videos with Laurie: Featured Expert, Laurie Gerber

More 2nd Act videos on Dating and Relationships after 50: Dating and Relationships Over 50

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18 Comments

@Deltacaptain1980 5 months ago

Hearing Laurie say "69" and "rigid" in the first 2 minutes is priceless LOL! It's great to hear a positive and fun attitude in people our age. We men usually have 3 things on our "list": 1. Nice appearance 2. Pleasant attitude 3. Genuine interest in intimacy. Do not discount the value of #2. This carries as much weight as #1 and #3. But we do want all three if we are looking at an LTR.

@bellascharfenstein 4 months ago

I introduced this concept to a recent partner (and to myself). He wasn't keen on the concept but accepted it. Yes, all great in the first 3, 4 but things started to reveal themselves in the 5th and 6th month - when I had to call it quits because he started to reveal aspects of his character that were inappropriate and unacceptable. I would apply this to any new relationship again. Another good rule to apply is to have a decent break between a relationship to cleanse oneself and be ready to welcome a new person in your life with a clear heart and mind.

@Snarge22 5 months ago (edited)

Hi Silke,
Regarding the Cricket Flat Cattle Baroness, yesterday my brother and I took ATVs, chain saws and a peevee (for rolling large logs out of the way) up on her 10,000 acres of leased land in the mountains. We rode a lot of trails clearing out fallen trees that were blocking. An absolutely beautiful day, with a pause for lunch on an open meadow with wild spring flowers and a 50 mile view. We really enjoyed the day, yet at 66 years of age, I'm skipping the gym and having a relatively light day today. And the ranch lady? We're driving to Burns Oregon on Friday for her grandkids high school rodeo. We've rented a motel with a swimming pool for the kids during the evenings.

@Polecat96 5 months ago

Ding, ding, ding - there it is, "what's going on in their bank account."

@mypov4343 5 months ago

If you need somebody else to complete you, you just might remain unhappily in the wrong relationship all your life. I'd rather be an unhappy single person working to improve my life. Start there

@stephenkilpatrick807 3 months ago

I'm super-impressed with Laurie's vocabulary: "disequilibrating"? Wow! I haven't heard that one before (what is that, an adverb?). But I think it is correctly used. I want her on my Scrabble team.

@Snarge22 5 months ago

Yeah, people will get very, Very lonely so will accept all sorts of incompatibilities... for a while. And then they realize the relationship is not working. And it's been nine months or more. Not the best of situations.

@abart2056 5 months ago

Great segment ladies! I was sort of blind sided when he told me he wasn’t actually divorced and only separated for 4 years at 3 months! I had the feeling maybe he was dating other women around date 2 and I asked if he wanted to be exclusive around date 4 and he replied that “I need to slow down”. I should have been more direct in the beginning since he wasn’t 100% truthful. All the “H’s” were checked so I wanted to ignore the feeling. I’m still hopeful as a widow of 8.5 years that there may be someone that I can be equally yoked to with all 3 H’s checked! 🥳😄🥰

In the meantime, I’m enjoying getting to know who I am and what I truly want in a romantic relationship and taking a break from online dating! 🥳🥰

@ThomasKennedy-h9b 5 months ago

More great points guys. I will be putting your advice into practice. 👍👍

@rousse61 5 months ago

After almost three years, I found out about something called Dark Triad. That was him. Wow

@TheDWZemke 5 months ago (edited)

Appreciate the video. (15:00 truly a woman focused comment)
Fix yourself first, be ok being alone, before starting dating again. Please, we will find them, do not waste my time.

I am a widower, was overwhelmed with the dopamine, hit in the first few months.

The trick is to have confidence in yourself and if it is not working let it go!

I did get married over 30 years ago. Was a good marriage, but it did change after we got married! Will not get married again!

Great summary! I did get lucky I am getting it all, but I needed to sort!

@andrewbird57 5 months ago

Laurie is fun.

@trinaroe5132 4 months ago (edited)

I was truly blindsided and that’s what has made me perhaps over cautious afterwards. And if there’s an area of THEIR life that’s under lock & key at 9 months how would you even know???

@mrlevi2k 4 months ago (edited)

I've known this for decades. Quite real. For me, you should know by 6 months. I am versed enough to want to know now instead of 6. I don't want to know you shot a man in Reno just to watch him die 6 months from now.

@stephenkilpatrick807 3 months ago

We bankers used to have the 3-6-3 rule. "Take money in at 3.0%, lend it out at 6.0%, and be on the golf course by 3 o'clock. Not anymore, unfortunately.

@Cheryl28225 5 months ago

If you feel a lot less chemistry on date 2 than you did on date 1, does that mean you should throw in the towel? Shouldn't it last longer?

@michelecarroll7335 4 months ago

8 or 9 months is a guide, but doesn’t it also depend on how often you’re able to see one another? Like if you only see each other on weekends. Might take longer?

@gentlehorst 5 months ago

Reading '3-6-9' the analogy to the pregnancy-stages came to mind (3-as well as-6-9).
Partum 'Intra-Ante-Post' handled in a good way, let's say the happiness first, the concern, the building, dealing with the issues and then giving birth to this relationship how do we deal with it after 9 months. Do not forget at any stage it involves labour, has an estimated due date and your priorities may shift.