I can totally relate to your story Jillian about feeling that cold/distant energy. Last year I dated a guy long distance for almost a year.  3 weeks shy of being together a year he started to pull away and I could sense this energy. I asked him about it and he said was feeling overwhelmed and he just needed space. I said ok.  I had plans to go meet him that weekend and I asked him if he still wanted to me to come visit or he needed some space/ time alone but he said he still wanted me to visit. We live 5 hours apart.  When I got there he was distant he sat in the chair across from and there was no physical intimacy the whole weekend. He acted like I wasn’t even there.  The day it was time for me to go, he told me he was depressed and  just wanted to spend the day in bed.  I remember in my gut my intuition said there is something definitely wrong and I just need to get out here.  I don’t know what he said to me but I remember crying and saying I was tired of being sad and he said he wanted to go back to bed and wanted me to go lay with him but he was still cold and distant, it was awkward and I just felt I can’t do this anymore. I kissed his forehead and said goodbye.  He was silent and I left.  If I knew then what I know now that he was an avoidant and I was anxiously attached I don’t know if things would’ve been better but I do know his words didn’t align with his actions.  I tried to reconnect with him 6 months later to see if we could have a friendship long distance and keep in touch, he said he would like that but again actions didn’t align with words and I ended up doing all the investing trying to keep in contact so I just said I’m not reaching out anymore and he hasn’t made any effort to do either.  Sometimes you just have to let them go and move on as hard as it is. But I still can’t believe I put myself out there again for him to show me that I’m not important to him in his life.  I should’ve listened the first time he broke my heart and not let him do it again.  I trusted maybe we could make it work without the romantic component but I was wrong.

Every second of listening to you feels like you see right through me, in a good way.

I've always been afraid of rocking the boat as Jilian said. I have been walking on eggshells growing up and overall afraid of speaking my needs due to being afraid of other people getting angry. I've been in a relationship for 2 years. The first year and a half, I never spoke up, but for the last 6 months I've been so much better. I'm not afraid of rocking the boat, losing my bf, because I am more afraid of losing myself and my voice. I can't keep quiet anymore. My bf says he will work on it, be better at spending quality time with me. It doesn't get better at all, but I have learned so much about myself through this process. It's never too late to make a change. I am reading Jilian's book and it's so good.

Deep down inside even with anxious attachment style I knew the relationships that I found myself in over the years weren’t good. I felt frozen and stuck because I knew telling the truth would mean walking away and I was scared to death of abandonment. But when I realized that I already was abandoning myself IN the relationship by not being honest and getting the things that I really needed and speaking up when I saw behaviors and patterns in people that I knew I couldn’t tolerate.. but I stayed quiet to keep the peace. The body always keeps score and even when we think we are doing a good job by covering or hiding things.. our body will eventually scream out.

Man. Took me 36 years, series of failed relationships, and now a broken engagement. Here I am. Never ever able to be actually truthful.

I need reassurance and safety in my relationships and it is good to know now that it is biological. And the need to tell the truth about our feelings and needs is so real, the worst thing for me that causes me a lot of anxiety and stress is walking on eggshells. Loved de video!

What has come to mind after listening to this terrific session is that I’ve had to give up myself in order to be loved and get my needs met. Really heavy. My relationship was in shambles- until a week ago when I just stopped calling him and he stopped calling me

After so long i still can see sadness in her..i hope you are healthy, Jillian❤

Holy moly, the search result I needed in this moment. The book sounds like a fitting resource. Merci.

I just bought the book. I really appreciated your sincerity and your vulnerability. I can’t wait to read it.

Wow, this was incedible. What a pleasure to listen to you!

A HUGE thank you from the bottom of my heart, for all the golden advice I have received through your videos and podcasts.❤ Of course, I have ordered your book and Im so looking forward to studying every single line of it.
Keep up the amazing work you do. 💪🏻

Oof. This lands hard and is perfect timing. Thank you.

I cried listening to this.... finally....your book connected all the dots...😮

I just love all your podcast ❤️, just ordered your book.
This video makes me cry, everything you said and mentioned is just how i feel sometimes.

You help heal my SOUL YOUNG LADY THANK YOU BLESS UP 🙌 🙏

"we continued to wear our masks even through our marriage".... I felt that... Pre-ordered the book

Amazing, thank you angel ❤

Thank you Jillian, I can't wait to download your book on Audible. I'm learning (and relearning) a lot  from you about how and why I feel the way I do. I took time out (6yrs) from dating to work on myself and focus on my career as an actor. I am now in a relationship with a woman who has undiagnosed (but strongly suspected) ADHD. She's more avoidant leaning and I lean more towards anxious. We are experienceing communication challenges which is frustrating so soon into the relationship. Do you have any experience or advice around navigating ADHD in relationships? Thank you for all that you do to help people to learn, grow and be self loving and secure. 💜

This is relevant thank you for sharing your experiences. It means so much!!