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The Red Flag You Must Never Ignore

Jillian Turecki

17,667 views

In this episode of Jillian on Love, Jillian answers three listener questions. She unpacks the red flag of when a partner still longs for their ex, challenges a listener’s fixation on finding their "ideal" partner, and offers a fresh perspective on dealing with an overbearing mother-in-law. If you’ve ever struggled with relationship uncertainty, this episode is for you. And if you love this format, where Jillian answers listener questions, you’ll love Jillian on Love+, where she tackles new questions every week. Send your questions to hello@jillianonlove.com

🎙️Record and submit your relationship questions for Jillian at https://askjillian.com/

Order Jillian's NEW book It Begins with You: The 9 Hard Truths About Love That Will Change Your Life at https://www.jillianturecki.com/book

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20 Comments

@HeleneChristensen-yg5zn 7 months ago

It's another example of settling. And just because someone decides to be honest doesn't make what they say acceptable and it doesn't mean he should be commended for it.

@evas1968 1 year ago

Another thing about this man telling her that he cannot get his ex off his mind is because she ever wants it back he's leaving her. He is letting her know that this person from his past is there before her

@artluvr6170 5 months ago

"If you leave me, I'll be just fine", is what she said. What had seemed like the best and most loving relationship of my life, suddenly changed. With a little more time, I started to realize that she wasn't actually bonded to me, and that in fact she had never developed a bond with any man from her past either. I loved her, but she had the ability to snap her fingers and walk away from relationships without much consequence... and two months later, that's exactly what she did. Luckily, she gave me a little glimpse into her core ahead of time.

@anneovis6135 1 year ago

Beautiful answers! This clear cut approach is relaxing to me. Listening to your "honest moral compass" is helping me to get my confusions sorted. Thanks!

@camy2121 1 year ago

Could have used this video a year ago. Didn’t trust myself when my intuition told me the truth. Moving forward stronger.

@Civiou 1 year ago

Jillian, I really like this format and the way you try to give more general response to the public, and raise questions for us to think about. The way you do this is very focused on conflict resolution and actually giving a chance to detach and then try to approach a difficult person in a new way. Less ego "against" or negatively ego driven. More driven by ego in such way that the other person ego would feel taken care of, too.

I would love you to continue that format from time to time. It gives me perspectives that I sometimes do not consider due to being too defensive already.

Thank You.

@susmateja 1 year ago (edited)

The first guy is avoidant (hence immature). They will romanticize past relationships and minimize you. It's awful, they will do anything to push you away, sometimes they just make up reasons for why you're not so important to them in their mind, so that they don't get overwhelmed by closeness. The sad thing is - if you act understanding and go along with it, they will value you even less! You become like trash to them. Like Jillian said, boundaries are the only way to go "I will not be treated like that". If they can't see how this is hurting you, they are not the person for you. They are not taking you seriously, but you have to take yourself seriously (otherwise people will continue to not take you seriously).

@Making_the_most_of_life 1 year ago

Hi Jillian
Thank you for your podcasts. They provide such enlightenment.
I love your advice on embracing differences. It's the way I see it too.
My partner of 18 months recently broke up with me citing our differences as the reason. It made me so sad. I wish he could see what we see and resume our relationship and grow together. 😢

@silviemart 8 months ago

These answers were so real and some people of not most people need tough love. ❤thank you!

@nancycrandall4545 8 months ago (edited)

Thank you for this. I’ve been through the first red flag and your explanation made me feel more validated on what happened to me.

@mozhdehsaadati8225 1 year ago

I really like the format of answering the questions, so many of them are my questions as well. I have been watching to so many relationship podcasts, but yours was one of the rare one that do not give a simple generalized recipe to different issues, but rather evaluate every case individually. I also believe so much of a success of the relationship depend on the level of consciousness of the individuals are in the relationship. Even if someone is more conscious than the other one can help the other one to grow or knowing when not taking some action personal and just put it as their immaturity. In other words do not reflecting on someone else’s unconsciousness.

@taisjackson9631 1 year ago

A lot of times, parents can see what we can not see. There are situations and situations.

@CallyBailey 1 year ago

You explained the concept of romanticizing negative behaviours very well - when we have to try and convince ourselves that someone else's behaviour is acceptable, that means it's most likely not - and is most likely a case of us trying to hold on to someone who feels familiar to the core wounds in our brain, someone who resembles our caregivers and made us believe we were not worthy of whole, committed love. Thank you.

@HeleneChristensen-yg5zn 7 months ago

And passions can change!!!

@SpoiledWorldStudio 10 months ago

Glad you answered this as well.
I personally struggle with thinking on my ex, but not because I want to or fond of them, more like intrusive thoughts/C-PTSD from abuse and trauma... hard to shake so it makes it hard to be in the present or trust the present with a new partner or 'be all in' knowing whats occurred in my past, especially when I am vulnerable or let others in. I dont romanticize my past, or want to go backwards... betrayal trauma is real and I know what I am referring to is different and what you cover in a lot of other videos

@Civiou 1 year ago

Maybe it is an offtopic but I wanted to say that the way you advertise is magnificent. It is just top notch!

@hispanicservices9225 1 year ago

Jillian you are so good, Im happy to hear your podcasts ❤

@lizpock 5 months ago

The guy was not over ex girlfriend and started a new relationship with someone else. Now he is startin to feel his deeper emotions. The actual girlfriend was nice, but he hasn’t processed past relationship.

@obsidyenneg4333 1 year ago

I just love your conten

@JupiterMoonstone 1 year ago

While I agree that the man in the first relationship is not ready for a relationship, to instantly jump to his being a manipulator is uncharitable. There is still vulnerability in his honesty, even if it reveals that he is unhealthy. She absolutely should break up with him tho lol