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Why You Stay Attached To Someone Unavailable

Jillian Turecki

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This episode is for anyone stuck in the painful in-between of a situationship, mixed signals, or feeling emotionally invested in someone who won’t fully choose them. Jillian breaks down why so many people settle for uncertainty, over-function to keep a connection alive, and mistake anxiety for chemistry. She explains how fear of rejection can lead people to abandon their own needs, silence themselves, and stay attached to the fantasy of who someone could be instead of facing the reality of who they are.

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20 Comments

@jillian.turecki Creator 4 months ago Pinned

Got a question for Jillian? Record your voice message here and it could be answered in an upcoming episode! https://www.jillianturecki.com/askjillian

@MarinaM-o6p 4 months ago

NEVER bond with anyone that doesn’t show you depth, consistency and honesty done daily .

@shivanthikulasingham6131 3 months ago

"Choose yourself, not as a slogan, but as a standard". Jillian, every episode I watch, makes me wiser, gives more insight into my behaviours, encourages me to ask the tough conversations of myself and others, makes me look inward, and gives me hope I am on the right path. Thank you, Jillian, I appreciate you and your Wisdom!!

@Kim-4367-f4j 4 months ago (edited)

Situationships are a bad idea. Sometimes we think we are invincible and won’t be upset when things fail, but this is a dangerous game to play. We aren’t wired for situationships, at least I’m not. Wouldn’t recommend. ❤

@mchristr 4 months ago

We've all been damaged. If someone shows consistent evidence that they're willing to risk again, and they have true character, you have found a diamond in the rough. It may just take some digging...and patience.

@dedeebird77 4 months ago

Some people are betrayers and are very skillful at pretending they truly care.
They use love bombing, flirting, romance and sex to make you feel everything is authentic but they're only out for what they can get... and if you're trusting or if you come from a bad situation with a lack emotional maturity or live with the affects of trauma you don't even know what's going on until one day when there's enough clues... you learn things & grow... and figure it out! That can be a good long time. The perpetrator gets "away with it" and has people defending him not realizing not everyone will be his TARGET. You get little to no support even if they take your money... nobody really cares. It's DEVASTATING!!

@michaelolsen7000 4 months ago

I needed this video 9 to 10 years ago. My marriage is dead, my kids and I are suffering... and my wife is the unavailable person described almost to the letter by Jillian. Your book is so good to listen to as well. I'm finally on the road to growth and healing.

@emanuelelaconi9501 4 months ago

Stay away from those type of whatever. You can hurt yourself really bad

@LaxSfo 2 months ago

This video alone is going to save our time wasting on someone whose interests and excitement aren’t mutual. Profound advice! Thanks Jillian! You are saving lives 🎉

@Landslide-m4f 4 months ago

I would feel lucky to have someone like me!

@WARLOCK1669 4 months ago

Thank you for your advice Jillian. I’m currently 6 months post discard from a situationship that left me trauma bonded to the other person. Some days are easier than others, but sometimes I find myself back to square one.

@kikixoxo1029 4 months ago

Thank you for this episode! I let my situationship go. He never reached out either so I know I made the right decision.

@dedeebird77 4 months ago

Romance scammers who are narcissistic are BRUTAL.
THEY NEVER OWN THEIR PART IN HOW THINGS WENT WRONG AND BLAME YOU.
VERY PAINFUL AND DEVASTATING. 💔

@theranchhand 3 months ago

The very first sentence in this video was all I needed to hear over and over and over

@Mayaaa865 4 months ago

Staying attached to someone unavailable was me. I finally realized I was choosing unavailable people because being alone scared me more than being half-loved. Book called Hollow Intimacy helped me sit with that fear and fill my own emptiness instead of outsourcing it. The book is for women in relationships, but honestly it's even more powerful when you're single and trying to break the pattern. Read it before you waste another year on mixed signals.

@offthewall9467 1 month ago

God this spoke to me. I spent 7 straight months trying to reconnect with my ex and get her to choose me again. Ignored the signs of her only wanting to see me once every 40 days, even though we were only a few hours apart, or my gut feeling that she wasn't emotionally bought in or all in. All of it culminating two weeks ago in her telling me she wasn't emotionally available, didn't know what she wanted, didn't feel as strongly romantically as I did right now, and loved me but couldn't give me what I wanted. Since gone full no contact and just reflecting on how much of myself I gave outwardly to her and the situation but never refilled my cup. It's time to refill my cup.

@keatts23 4 weeks ago

I felt super anxious and crazy with my last ex. Addictive as hell. I feel calm and need to avoid her. It's helpful to listen to this and similar reality checks alot. And therapy.

@prachtstullen 4 months ago

There is my speech for bad days!!!

@mistrock322 1 month ago

I'm going through this right now with someome I've been dating for 3 months. I'm gutted. Realizing I fell for this person and became attached knowing now that I need to walk away.