All roads lead back to being online MUCH less

I thought my ex-boyfriend was just an "avoidant attachment" person and used that to justify or rationalize the way he treated me. But with time, what I realized is, no, he's just an asshole.

The whole point of attachment styles was to try to have a secure attachment Style. The other two are dysfunctional and nothing to glorify.

My whole thing is that if a man wants to be with you. They will put in the effort and make time to be with you. Any signs of confusion. Is a no

Attachment styles can have a lot of truth in the way people act romantically. But what is jarring is being aware of that attachment style and using it as a default explanation to remove your own responsibility to grow and change because attachment styles are not a permanent life sentence that cannot change! It’s like people blaming their star sign for just being a POS or method actors only method acting when the role is an a* whole 😭

I hate modern dating. I got into my current relationship due to some friend introducing me but man I dont miss how hot and cold people are due to this whole attachment style bs. You can say you are avoidant all you want. If you dont wanna hang out with me at least once a week. Then you simply dont wanna date me an I will look somewhere else.

Sometimes that person you like a lot, the one you think about a lot, isn't necessarily a good partner for you. It's not necessarily that you love them. You like them because they're familiar "your soul knows them" and you think about them a lot because of their distance, detachment, and inconsistency.
Love is about actions, a decision, even if the mind is cold. Perhaps that cold mind doesn't mean it doesn't feel or isn't in love; it just means it's at peace.
When we get used to chaos, the good things seem boring.

What makes me so angry over people misusing attachment styles as someone who has been through a lot of therapy due to a genuine disorganized attachment style is that insecure attachment styles are due to genuine abuse, neglect, and enmeshment of a cargiver towards their child. Its not something u can just assume people have, its something that comes from growing up in a dysfunctional home where a child goes through long term trauma due to an unhealthy or abusive relationship with a caregiver. My attachment style made it nearly impossible to experience any type of attraction until i ended up in a perfect storm that led to my current relationship and even then i have "evil" thoughts that constantly attempt to alienate me from her and my other loved ones. Its not a joke or a lil teehee people make it out to be. Gen z's fear of attachment and intimacy stems from being chronically online and living under surveillance by their peers and choice paralysis. Its not a mental illness, its a societal pressure

Ppl just be saying stuff cuz wdym “a crush is optional and a sign of insecurity”!?!? ik my asexual myself wishes crushes could be optional 😭

My biggest frustration is the sudden closeness some people expect soon after meeting. Like if we’ve only met up a few times and have only talked less than a few hours why the hell would there be an expectation to center that person. I think sometimes people are really want instant connection and community when that’s not usually the case outside of being in school, because you’re trapped together and have more time.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be casual. There's nothing wrong with feeling like not knowing what you're doing in a dating makes you anxious. The problem is that many people do NOT state plainly what they and and/or are comfortable with, which leads to a lot of assumptions and frustration.  Avoiding conflict to the extreme does no one any good.

Gen Z has made dating very complicated - you have to be willing to take the risk for love

Man this is all so exhausting, attachment styles do exist, but it feels like another therapy speech thing people have latched onto to explain stuff that isn't always that deep, and are using as a way out of being responsible for how they treat other people. People are rarely predictable enough to label consistently

I'm so thankfull my country never had this culture of waiting days/weeks to text or call, to "leave them wanting more". So it has always just been assumed that if you don't get a response, they just are not interested. And you move on with someone else

Secure people date and trust that they can deal with what comes along.  So trying to get a formula or rule book on how to date is already a sign you probably don't trust your judgement. That's all "secure" means. Build resilience. Rejection isn't death. Intimacy isn't smothering.

Off topic, but have you always posted so many times a week?! You’re SO damn consistent! 💕

People often resort to pop psychology words because they don’t feel comfortable simply saying how they feel about the situation (I.E., “he ghosted me and it really hurts.). A lot of people don’t have the internal awareness to articulate this…BUT…I can relate because it’s infuriating the way so many men in the queer community truly seem determined to prove avoidant attachment theory correct. It must be a distinctly male behavior to carpet (love)bomb someone with attention and then abruptly stop with no explanations given. I thought my mother was an overly sensitive straight until I started dating men myself. So many men of all orientations will go to such lengths to avoid breaking off a situation just so they don’t have to experience the hurt they cause another person.

I have a very avoidant attachment AND also want a long term relationship ; like it just takes a lot of care and commitment to feel safe to be seen vulnerable ¿ but it’s not like, a reason to mistreat a partner it’s just more work people just hate doing introspective work lol

I genuinely think some ppl are just too focus on their love life. There are so many aspects of life! Love will find its way as long as you’re being your authentic self, surrounding yourself with ppl you enjoy and who enjoy you back.

1:46 attachment styles literally stem from our relationship with our primary caregiver as a child so how the fuck is it not for single people 😭