Lets assume both haha, either way both are hurtful and just give us stress, unless you can go inside and  literally read their mind

I feel like if you’re looking up these videos, you know the answer. As much as it hurts

You are absolutely right. When someone makes you question your self-worth, when you are searching for answers about whether he/she was avoidant or just not that into you, that itself speaks volumes about them. We often find peace by giving it a label like ‘avoidant’. But regardless of whether he/she is avoidant, what one goes through with someone they love is completely distressing. It’s better to leave such people for your mental peace.
Shoutout to all the strong people who have loved or are in love with a narcissist, avoidant, or someone who is not into them, you all have been through a lot. Please don’t stay with someone who treats you like trash. It will only take a toll on your mental health. At first, leaving them may feel very hard, but eventually, after a few months, you will feel grateful that you chose to walk away.You are worth it regardless of how they treat you. You are worthy.

Thank you, both very hard and very liberating to hear it as an anxious attacher

My long distant avoidant said he wants something with me and he said has never felt this way before, cute texts, always texts first. Made a future date plan.
Dissapeare for days. Can't call too busy (military) confused about closeness and deep communication.
But I'm just tired now. I usually just feel not connected with them at all.

I'm glad more YouTubers are saying this. Avoidant (along with narcissist) has become the new buzzword when the individual you're dating just may not be into you. I've made dates with women who "forgot" and didn't show up, ghosted me out of the blue, etc. They could've been avoidant, but like you said in the video, who cares? Just take it as a loss and move on. 🤷🏿‍♂️

Great video though!

After weeks and months seeking explanations and understanding around the subject, you bring a lot of clarity and useful and concise points. Thank you for that video!

of all the videos i've watched on dating someone who i suspect is avoidant, your advice is the best i've heard

Thanks a bunch for this video. Like another comment, I've been anxiously attached (still there but working on security). I've been caught up in ruminating, detective-style, overanalyzing cycles. I have chosen to leave the latest connection that triggered this, to work on the deficit that has me seeking to be chosen. I want self-curiosity instead of understanding and holding on to connections that are too stressful for me. So, thanks for affirming it's about understanding my side and contributions rather than decoding the other person

This sounds like you can use this ina friendships.

When I review my early years of avoidance I had no idea I was AuDHD. No idea I had suppressed trauma, that I was dissociated from reality, no idea of the idealization of self within the religious and military context, no idea of the self-preserving behaviors to the point of narcissism, no idea of the cognitive distortions. None of that insight came until decades later. I was only seeking relationships as programmed by biology and society. Humans are objects, psychologically speaking. My relation to other humans was as if they were inanimate objects because I couldn't perceive that they had feelings. It didn't matter if I liked you, I was not capable of healthy hunan interaction.

I think googling the behaviour is actually a good thing.
It gives you closure and at least helps you understand the mixed signals and the breakup was not entirely your fault.
It speeds up your healing ;3

Feeling this exactly, but a good take in setting what I want and honoring my value,  standards, boundaries.

Hard to hear but I sort of already knew this in my bones but didn’t want to admit it. I think she’s a good person she just isn’t the best person for me.

I thought somebody was a deep avoidant turns out he is just not that into me. He said to me I have little feelings for you I couldn't believe my eyes. When I think further I think he has very little feelings for me.

In the end what does it matter? If you are dealing with an avoidant ………..run!. If you are dealing with someone who is not into you……….walk!  Either case scenario just move on.

Thanks !

You're brilliant! & 100%% correct

Both

Tbh i have no idea how someone lagitimately not interest thinks that this gives them the tight to disrespect you.
That sounds more like bullyng than someone not that into you.