OpenTube

The myth of 50/50 relationships

Bryony Claire

88,811 views

🌏 Upgrade your online protection with an all-in-one security app! ➵ https://NordVPN.com/bryonyclaire It’s risk free with Nord’s 30 day money-back guarantee!✌

Feminism means that women want to be "treated equally" right? There's an idea that splitting everything straight down the middle makes things fair, but how does that work out in practice in romantic relationships? Why does the conversation so often stop at splitting the rent/groceries/expenses straight down the middle but the moment you bring things up around one person earning less than the other, or the topic of equitable division of unpaid labor, anger quickly follows. Women have gotten to the point of creating the "fair play" system, as a way to try to divide invisible labor, has it worked? The next step women are taking is decentering their husbands. What does "fair" really look like?

Timestamps:
00:00 intro
05:19 How practical are 50/50 relationships?
17:34 the rigidity of roles
31:24 the mythical promises of fair play
40:13 suffer the consequences
43:27 decenter your husband - the ultimate solution?
51:07 final thoughts

Videos recommended:
‪@T1J‬ This Goofy Sitcom Becomes a Violent Thrill...
‪@verilybitchie‬ The Bisexual Problem

Books referenced:
All we want is everything - Soraya Chemaly
The Ambition Penalty - Stefanie O'Connell

Accounts recommended:
Instagram: reels
https://zawn.substack.com/p/the-probl...
Instagram: sheisapaigeturner
Instagram: abbyeckel

Videos/creators referenced in order of appearance
TikTok: dezdyani
TikTok: arc.woman
Jay https://www.instagram.com/p/DbZqyKuId...
Instagram: oliviahowell
Instagram: Ddj-Az0ySua
Instagram: nerdwallet
https://www.instagram.com/p/Dc3XwE2jf...
https://www.instagram.com/leading_fro...
TikTok: lucy.oco
https://www.instagram.com/ajsaxsma/?h...
Instagram: blessing.adesiyan
TikTok: kelleydaring

Sources:
https://magazine.columbia.edu/article...
https://www.journals.uchicago.edu/doi...
https://www.bbc.com/news/business-361...
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles... https://dornsife.usc.edu/news/stories...
https://sk.sagepub.com/ency/edvol/the...
Gendered perceptions of fairness in housework and shared expenses: Implications for relationship satisfaction and sex frequency https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles...
https://www.unwomen.org/en/news-stori...
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk...
https://kimcenter.org/resources/nearl...
https://www.psychologytoday.com/nz/bl...
https://www.psychologytoday.com/nz/ba...
https://www.ualberta.ca/en/folio/2025...
https://www.washingtonpost.com/busine...
study Who’s doing more and when? Gender, parenting, and housework trajectories. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2024-6...
Winning the bread and baking it too study: https://www.nber.org/papers/w33393
https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/...
https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/bl...
https://www.abs.gov.au/census/guide-c...
https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/rel...
https://www.pewresearch.org/short-rea...
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandst...
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandst...
Gender Inequities in Household Labor Predict Lower Sexual Desire in Women Partnered with Men https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles...
https://www.theguardian.com/commentis...
https://inequality.org/facts/global-i...
https://wid.org/marriage-penalty-prev...

20 Comments

@BryonyClaire Creator 1 day ago Pinned

🌏 Upgrade your online protection with an all-in-one security app! ➵ https://NordVPN.com/bryonyclaire It’s risk free with Nord’s 30 day money-back guarantee!✌

@alyssamendoza7708 1 day ago

“You should want to be his mother” SEE A THERAPIST IMMEDIATELY

@vicksburgh 1 day ago

When I was a little girl I remember one day I asked my dad why he never did the dishes, it just didn't make sense to me. He avoided the question until one day I asked my grandma why she didn't teach my dad to do them, she scolded me telling me in a house full of women (my mom, sisters and I) it was disrespectful to even think that. My dad heard that and I don't know what he thought in the moment, but he started doing the dishes! Later in life I asked him about it and he said the thought me and my sisters deserved a better example than what he got. To this day, my parents split chores fairly even, and of course he still does the dishes.

Just sharing this anecdote for a little bit of hope. Thank you for the amazing video <3

@medea5235 1 day ago

23:33 “if you wanna be my lover, you have got to give. Taking is too easy and that’s the way it is!” Spice girls had it right

@Monica-h2s3s 1 day ago (edited)

My partner earns 3x more than me, therefore he financially contributes to the household 3x what I do. At my previous job I worked a lot more hours than him, especially late shifts, so he took on a few more chores than me. Now that we both work 9-5 we both do the same amount of chores and luckily we like doing the ones that the other hates. As our pay checks change we change the proportions we contribute. This is how we’ve made it work and tbh it’s the most equitable arrangement I’ve found so far for myself :)

@DREADSALTRA 1 day ago (edited)

20:50 A lot of the “incompetent husband/clever wife” trope is a continuation of a broader pattern in media: boys and men are portrayed as “charmingly” immature, impulsive, foolish, anti-intellectual, lazy, messy, and emotionally unintelligent, while girls and women are expected to be calm, clever, responsible, and the “killjoy” who keeps everyone grounded, and often functioning like a secondary mother.
It’s so normalized that characters who break these roles are treated as novel or comedic simply for existing: the dorky male nerd, the reasonable man among his peers, the genuinely flawed or silly girl, or the girl with “masculine” hobbies.

It’s pretty much benevolent sexism where women are “appreciated” for being the adults in the room, but that praise comes with a higher standard that denies them the freedom to be messy, immature, or flawed as if to say “see? We the you’re above those messy boys, just don’t move out of that box we’ve put you in”. Meanwhile, men are infantilized and denied the expectation or model of intelligence, emotional maturity, or responsibility which is all excused with a “boys will be boys” mentality.

And it’s especially concerning in children’s media, because these are often the stories through which those gendered expectations are first normalized so nobody speaks up when the pattern appears in the real world.

@ExploringTheTube-fd1oo 23 hours ago

“You should want to be his mother…” As a grown man HE DOES NOT SPEAK FOR ME! That was wild to see someone just say that out loud without hesitation. BRO GET A THERAPIST!!!!

@MrsEmbers 1 day ago

15:37 I am married to a woman, both of us after long marriages to men. In our blended family we don’t believe in 50/50. We both had burn out and felt used by our exes. We also both have chronic illnesses that went unsupported for years. We divide tasks based on preference and skill, but also based on ability in that day or season. We are also sure to check in frequently on how we are feeling, and reassess based on needs.

@Anna-iq4yq 20 hours ago

The funny thing about men wanting to "return to the past" is that my mother and grandmother are the ones who constantly tell me to get a good job so that I don't have to be reliant on a man. They're the ones giving out the warnings

@RedDeadReverie 1 day ago

We need to also talk more about the men using women for free housing and financial assistance. “Hobosexuals” are very common and a lot of women get trapped in those abusive relationships.

@everydaytwiceonsundays4498 20 hours ago

Any man ready to stress out, exhaust and impoverish the woman he claims to love not only doesn't love her, but probably isn't capable of love at all.
Also, beware of the payments/grocery trap, where the man, who makes more, has the house and car payments to take care of, while the woman pays the bills and the groceries: when the relationship ends, he has a house and a car and she has... nothing.

@amburcozad3316 1 day ago

Something I've noticed is the success stories are usually the women who set hard boundaries right off the bat.
It's natural in a new relationship or when you first move in together to want to do more, to take care of your partner, to take on simple tasks rather than making everything a fight. Then months or years down the road when things change or the woman starts to burn out or for whatever reason they want more equity it's an uphill battle because the guy has already gotten used to having a servant and that's being taken away.

@StonedHunter 1 day ago

No relationship is ever going to be perfectly 50/50 all the time. It's about doing what we can for each other when we can. It means stepping up when the people in your life need help. It's knowing they will do the same for you.

Also money should always be proportional.

@thedarkpierogie 1 day ago

@15:00 my friend ended her engagement when the husband-to-be started controlling her every move and expressing how he expects her to close her business and stay at home and cook and he'd be the one bringing in the money because "I"M THE MAN!!!!" he said calmly. Before the engagement he loved how ambitious and driven she was, after the engagement and the deposits for the wedding were made, he changed his tune and berated her for wanting her own financial cushion that she had worked her life for

@desertrose0027 22 hours ago

"Because society expects so much of women, it reflects poorly on us if standards are not met"

I'm convinced that this is the reason why a lot of men don't seem to even see clutter or the need for cleaning. Because traditionally women were the ones blamed for a cluttered house. So that's why women stress and clean frantically when guests are about to come over and men think we are overreacting. We're not, because we know we'll be judged if things are out of place, and they won't be.

@AppalachianHermit 1 day ago

I am using Labor Digger in the future 😂 thanks as always for a great video . Also, I was showing your videos to two lady friends of mine who were in bad and abusive relationships. They are both now out of said relationships and doing better than they have in a long time. Your videos are helping more people than you think. Thank you again Mrs Bryony Claire 💛 my friends are safe and happy 😊

@franksmith5990 23 hours ago

As a stay at home dad this is fascinating to watch. I have a strong amount of empathy for the women struggling with this kind of stuff, because I literally deal with many of the same things. I adore my wife but she can fall into the same habits as many of these men. Recently we got in an argument where she was telling my kids that "dads gets mad, makes things a bigger deal than they are, I don't know why that is just the way he is lately". I had to remind her that I am the one who almost always is taking care of the kids and their issues, having to resolve them while she is laying in bed from the time she get home from work until the next day. To her she sees an isolated incident but in reality these are things that are happening countless amounts of time. I think these men are doing something similar.

I can't speak for all men, but it seems to me that many grew up with little to no expectations of actually caring for things and people on a regular basis.When they get older and have relationships everything is fine at first because both parties are probably engaging with only the fun stuff. Then you hear the same line over and over "Then we moved in together...". When they say "I didn't think about it" they mean it, but instead excusing the behavior it just reinforces the fact they are not making an effort to make it a priority.

@muieserpente 1 day ago

DO THE VIDEO ON WEAPOSINED FOOD CONSUMPTION PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE Bryony ty!

@AveryGoldie 1 day ago (edited)

I feel like some people were never taught 'fair' doesn't mean 'same' - if your share of the groceries is lower in cost and amount it's fair to pay a different amount. Likewise, if your PARTNER earns less than you, it's fair to contribute different amounts to the rent and do proportional contributions.

&Would love a video on all of the relationship tests