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I Survived a Con Artist. Here's How Abuse Works with Dr. Nadine Macaluso | S4E7

Lisa Sonni

7,861 views

What if the red flags weren't actually missed? What if the relationship was designed to make you ignore them?

In this powerful conversation, Lisa Sonni sits down with trauma bond expert, therapist, author, and survivor Dr. Nadine Macaluso to uncover the sophisticated psychological tactics narcissists and abusive partners use to manipulate, trap, and control their victims.

Drawing from both her clinical expertise and her personal experience as the real-life ex-wife of the Wolf of Wall Street, Dr. Nadine explains how abusive relationships often begin with intense attraction, love bombing, mirroring, and idealization before gradually shifting into control, gaslighting, confusion, and emotional dependency.

Together, Lisa and Dr. Nadine explore why intelligent, capable people become trapped in toxic relationships, the biological and psychological mechanisms behind trauma bonds, and the shame survivors often carry long after the relationship ends.

In this episode, you'll learn:

✔ What trauma bonds are and how they form
✔ The hidden "con" narcissists use to gain trust and control
✔ Why love bombing feels so convincing in the beginning
✔ How mirroring creates a false sense of connection
✔ The role of gaslighting, cognitive dissonance, and confusion
✔ Why leaving an abusive relationship can feel like withdrawal
✔ The personality traits abusers often target in victims
✔ How shame keeps survivors stuck in silence
✔ The importance of community, validation, and self-compassion in recovery
✔ What healing from narcissistic abuse actually looks like

If you've experienced narcissistic abuse, emotional abuse, coercive control, trauma bonding, manipulation, or toxic relationship dynamics, this conversation offers the validation, clarity, and hope that so many survivors are searching for.

You are not weak for staying. You are not foolish for believing. Understanding the psychology of abuse is often the first step toward reclaiming your life.

💜 About Dr. Nadine Macaluso

Dr. Nadine Macaluso is a licensed therapist, trauma bond expert, author, and survivor advocate. Known to many as the former wife of Jordan Belfort, whose story inspired The Wolf of Wall Street, she now helps survivors understand trauma bonds, narcissistic abuse, and the recovery process.

💜 About Lisa Sonni

Lisa Sonni is a certified relationship coach specializing in narcissistic abuse recovery, coercive control, trauma bonds, emotional abuse, and helping women safely heal after toxic relationships.

Subscribe for more videos that expose abuse tactics and answer the questions you've always wondered about toxic and abusive relationships.

RESOURCES FROM LISA

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TALK TO LISA

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About Lisa Sonni
Abusive relationship educator and trauma bond recovery expert. Certified Trauma Recovery Coach, creator of the Break & Rebuild Method, and author of four abuse-recovery books. Host of Relationships Uncensored Podcast.

#NarcissisticAbuse #TraumaRecovery #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery
#TraumaBonding #EmotionalAbuse #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #HealingFromTrauma #ToxicRelationships

⚠️ DISCLAIMER: This content is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not therapy or medical advice. Always seek professional help for your specific situation.

00:00 The Con Nobody Sees Coming
01:00 Meet Dr. Nadine Macaluso
03:12 Why Smart Women Fall for Abusive Men
06:07 Love Bombing, Future Faking & Fast Trust
10:46 The Hook: How Trauma Bonds Begin
14:55 Why You Blame Yourself Instead of Him
17:44 Hope Is What Keeps You Stuck
21:10 Why Leaving Feels Impossible
26:42 If He Can Control It Around Others, He Knows
30:04 The Painful Truth: He Doesn't Love You
31:33 What Abusive Men Actually Get From Relationships
35:20 Power, Control & Entitlement
37:15 How They Get Away With It
39:38 Why Intelligent Women Fall For The Con
42:00 Healing Through Community & Recovery

20 Comments

@BGM4EVR 3 months ago

My first narc would constantly tell me that I wasn’t supportive enough for him, that I needed to be less critical of his ‘mistakes’ because no one was perfect. Looking back I get so angry at myself after spending my newborn daughter’s first year driving him to and from work and his AA and weekly anger management classes and everything else while also being the only person responsible for getting my daughter to and from childcare, me to work and anything else required for survival during my babies first year and as a first time mom. These type to people are pure evil.

@casperinsight3524 3 months ago

When you do EVERYTHING and they say you do nothing 😵

@gamelion3657 3 months ago

Beard is the exact word I use. Many abusers want the “Family Man” beard FOR more trust in the community, and specifically for access to very young women and children. Child predators hide and find more victims this way, especially as they age. Women and children assume a man is MUCH safer if he has a wife, and even more so if he’s a Dad (even a divorced or estranged Dad is given more trust than a single, childless man, no one seems to question that assumption).

@jenn2712 3 months ago

Lisa, your content has been 🔥🔥🔥 lately!! Keep up the great work!!

@deborahslovich6285 3 months ago

Such wonderful women you two are ~ having this conversation. You're both good communicators. You both really care. Thank you.

@Tinyquirk 3 months ago

Maybe one of the hugest overarching things they get is the dopamine high they get out of duping you, the gorgeous smart person. Duping the random stranger, turning them into puppets is good for it, too, but that high-level control on someone they know is smart and perceptive is far above.

@lindamcmanus3057 3 months ago

The dream collab in the world of narcissistic abuse healing I never expected!!! Lisa, thank you so much for having Dr. Nadine Macaluso on to discuss the very real and complex issues surrounding this experience that needs to be held to the light for women everywhere. Nadine, I have read your book and I thank you so much for turning your experience into something positive.

@casperinsight3524 3 months ago

Abusers mentality "All is fair in love and war"

@GraceMercy-qv8om 3 months ago

My only hope is for God to protect me from such people.

@casperinsight3524 3 months ago (edited)

Everyone else gets the best of them and we get the worst.
They lovebomb everyone outside closed doors, they see him as a Saint but behind closed doors he goes dark.
Jeckyl and Hyde 👀

@justchaoseverywhere 3 months ago

Hyped ❤! Thank you Lisa for sharing your knowledge and services. Your one of the biggest leaders in this movement to stop this abuse, spreading the awareness, teaching and helping so many people to become aware and give strength and power to so many. Dr. Macaluso is another leader in this as well , enjoyed this video , really resonates.

@GiveItAThink-1018 3 months ago

A key word Dr. Macaluso uses here is "orchestrate". Con artists are always engaged in scheming and trying to control people and situations -- to orchestrate narratives and to benefit themselves in every interaction.

@magic.megan.marshall 3 months ago (edited)

I told my ex-husband at the kitchen table that it was like he was two different people. I told him I trust this person, but this other person I don't trust. I think he had NPD, because whether I knew it was narcissism or not, it was definitely a personality disorder regardless. It was so pathological like he couldn't help it. I actually think narcissism is a spiritual disorder not a personality disorder. It's just very interesting to me how the psychology of narcissism aligns with the spiritual law and understanding of the Bible. How the Bible describes the wicked in the Old testament, describes these people as saying good as evil and the evil is good. Wicked means" twisted" it's a very paradoxical curse, I think it's Satan's 's Chinese finger trap, Bible describes these wicked people having their minds taken captive by Satan to do his will

@PiNews4You 3 months ago

Yeah... hearing from someone "Trust me".... is a warning sign... even among the financial world, the tenant-owner relationships, and others...

@casperinsight3524 3 months ago

They benefit from us and mistreating us validates them getting away with their abusive antics 👀
Unconditional love is not unconditional tolerance 💥

@Crystal-u7e 3 months ago

I used to think that I could white knuckle it. That if I tried to change hard enough that everything between us would be ok. Wolf of Wall Street is one of his favorite movies. He really looks up to Jordan. It makes me feel better to know that he literally was like a drug for me. He started to tell me that I was gaslighting him. I absolutely knew that I wasn't. Then I realized that he was gaslighting me. It still took me almost a decade and the passing of my mother to believe what was happening to me and get out.

@melisherwood5300 3 months ago

I read Dr Nadine’s book - well written, vulnerable, real. This episode is very helpful - I got tired of being victim-shamed for continuing to believe in him for over 3 years.

@ScrapAlong76 3 months ago

My ex abuser she definitely mirrored me in all the things I liked to do even though she wasn’t really interested it at all. That what hooked me in. Once that happen the mirror broke and she’s hated all things that was doing because it was taking away her attention that she wanted on her. Through the ringer. I feel bad for my children.

@Greatpacificnorthwesterner 3 months ago (edited)

We don’t want to see it. I was turning 30 and somehow felt like it was “time” for me to get married. It wasn’t even pressure from my parents. It was complete and utter pressure from him. I can’t believe all the red flags I looked past. What a waste of time and energy. And money. In the end, he wanted a green card. I can’t believe how much unnecessary drama I endured with him. Of course, he was charming and convincing at first. I think deep down I knew but ignored my instincts. It was so awful and bad . Dumb. I could be so much further ahead had I avoided him.