OpenTube

I Tested Every Cruise Line to Find the Least Evil

Lindsay Ellis

3,724,667 views

Watch ad-free on Nebula, plus get access to my exclusive videos that will never be on YouTube here: https://nebula.tv/lindsayellis

An extremely comprehensive extremely deep extremely dive on the cruise industry as told by me sailing back-to-back across multiple cruise lines to answer one simple question: do they all suck as much as Royal Caribbean? Is Richard Branson daddy now? From flags of convenience, tax havens, exploitative crew contracts to hidden upsells, predatory drink packages, and dark legal loopholes at sea, this video essay breaks down the corporate profit machines powering the modern cruise industry. And if this feels a bit like SEO word salad, don't hate the player hate the game.

FEATURING:
Angelina Meehan
Princess Weekes ‪@Princess_Weekes‬
Jessie Gender ‪@JessieGender1‬
Foreign Man in a Foreign Land ‪@ForeignManinaForeignLand‬
The kazoo stylings of Dan Olson

Chapters:
00:00:00 why do this thing?
00:02:57 Celebrity Reflection
00:21:16 Margaritaville at Sea Paradise
00:48:15 Disney Wish
01:11:14 Virgin Voyages Resilient Lady
01:33:36 Carnival ~Firenze~
01:56:08 Royal Caribbean Quantum of the Seas

You can support us on Patreon: Patreon: lindsayellis
BlueSky: @lindsayellis
Instagram: @namebrandlindsay

#RoyalCaribbean #disneycruise #videoessay

20 Comments

@LindsayEllisVids Creator 10 days ago Pinned

What is the lowest form of karaoke, and why is it "Sweet Caroline"?

@Enoploteuthidea 2 days ago

Disney being declared 'Least Evil' in an industry is not praise for them, but a particularly scalding indictment of everyone else

@thejellyfinn 2 days ago (edited)

as a bahamian, seeing your conversations with foreign about how tourism has affected the culture of the bahamas was so refreshing-- this conversation needs to be brought to a larger scale, but most people have never thought about how these structures are set up and how they affect us. thank you for highlighting it <33 🇧🇸

@ClockFink 9 days ago

If the Disney concierge was a bribe, they’re presumably watching this to see if it worked
Which if they are, Emilio gonna be getting ALL the pay raises.

@thorswagnarok 3 days ago

i was a theatre major at a school that has an unofficial pipeline to the cruise industry and let me tell you people would KILL for a gig on a disney cruise. cruise ship contracts are seen as ideal immediate post grad jobs because they’re short term w/ room and board. the fight for a disney cruise contract is a bloodbath

@Guinebow 9 days ago (edited)

It feels like the missing link between Jenny Nicholson's "Star Wars Hotel" and Eddy Burbach's "Every Margaritaville in America"

@grfrjiglstan 10 days ago

This video is a perfect example of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, where only once the food was edible and the rooms smelled not at all of poop did she have time to talk about carbon emissions.

@Pau_Velasquez 9 days ago

Well this answered the question of "did I see Lindsay Ellis on this cruise?" that I've been asking since like July.

@balakanzi 2 days ago

The appeal of cruises is that it lets the middle class LARP as what they think a real rich person lives like

@Egg_thing 10 days ago

29:17 blurring someone's face because you think their rendition of Bad Romance is too embarrassing is 100% the funniest choice you could've made

@Mel-jr5cz 9 days ago

Best part of all of this is Lindsay having such "bitter private eye who's seen too much and lost everything in the war" energy while wearing floral sundresses and walking through hoards of drunken, twerking elderly patrons

@YouTubeCommenter225 9 days ago

I tested every cigarrette brand to find the healthiest

@DarthGardens 4 days ago

It’s honestly a terrible disservice to Jimmy Buffet to not name the Buffet on his own cruise line after him. ITS LITERALLY IN HIS NAME.

@annguyen3892 10 days ago

Going on six cruises after recent disease outbreak seems like you WANTED to test fate

@RicardoAlmeidatm 9 days ago

Disney absolutely 100% knew who you were and upgraded you as a bribe.

@AnotherAmoeba-g3i 10 days ago

Jenny Nicholson sat behind a pole so Lindsay Ellis could get a free upgrade to first class.

@paperplanejane 3 days ago

the Bahamian children's textbook about playing nice with tourists is............... something

@mrpanda750 10 days ago

Someone on Disney Cruise definitely did some research when they saw Lindsay's name on the passager list. And said "Nah we aint getting Jenny'ed for a second time. BUMP her up."