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ADHD sensory overload made me a mom I didn’t recognize | ADHD Aha!

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Marriage and family therapist Kaitlin Soulé shares her story and expertise. She opens up about rage — especially “mom rage” — and the sensory overload and shame that often come with it. Kaitlin and Laura talk about what rage actually feels like (it’s more than just yelling), and how constant noise at home can push them past their limits. They also look at how “rage” is often framed as a women’s issue. (Have you ever heard anyone talk about “dad rage”?)

Kaitlin shares practical ways to come down from intense moments and repair things with loved ones. The conversation also touches on masking — why it can be easier to hold it together at work, but not at home. ADHD and mood swings come up too, and why some women are misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder.

For more on this topic
Listen: She broke the silence on ADHD shame in women (Sari Solden’s story) https://www.understood.org/en/podcast...
Read: ADHD and emotions https://www.understood.org/en/article...
Watch: ADHD and mood spirals: How to calm down fast ADHD and mood spirals: How to calm down fast

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8 Comments

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@jcmedic908 3 weeks ago

Cue the Bluey theme song and the moment when Chilly says "I just need 20 minutes.".

@crazysquirrelsinmyhead 5 months ago

This really struck home, thank you for talking about this! This was me for many years, raising undiagnosed kids while undiagnosed myself (and also my husband), struggling with this rage you described so well, feeling I had an anger problem but knew it wasn't who I was deep down. Struggling through perimenopause feeling constant heartbreaking shame and failure, mask finally slipping down enough to be diagnosed at 50. What a revelation. What a light at the end of the tunnel for us as a family too. Self care is so important, even if it's 2mins in the bathroom with eyes shut and deep breaths to calm the anxiety, singing a favourite song in my head to 'change the channel in my head'. We can't always remove ourselves totally, but do when you can. I nap daily when possible and that's helped immensely, regulates my overwhelm so it seldom turns to that rage now. I have tools to use, and give myself grace as much as possible. Perimenopause years are tough for us, we're also more likely to have PMDD with our more extreme hormonal shifts, so if you're 35+ consider researching what can help you endure this time of your life cos it's not just all in your head! Be kind to yourselves out there in this wild world ❤

@MrJshsedgwick 4 months ago

I know this is a conversation had in terms of womens experience, but as a dad with ADHD that experiences this raging and is trying to get in top of this before I ruin my marriage, I found this helpful.

@drehgonsleher893 2 months ago

That feeling of not wanting the guilt to hit and to keep tantruming is why I can't sleep at night. I think about having to do this all again the next day and maybe if I don't sleep it will take longer beforeninahve to do it again.

@stephaniedupont9965 2 months ago

This indeed is so helpful. I always felt it was a character flaw and just had to try harder not to go there in the rage. Also only diagnosed at 47 and homeschool and raised 4 neurodivergent kiddos that are just so amazing people. If I can encourage you that repairing when you do go overboard is indeed so important and helpful. They are now mostly grown up and it is something we talk about openly…how mom would freak out.. and what did it mean and what I would do differently today;)

@mariabuckley1749 4 months ago

I appreciate this so much. I meltdown so much at home. I was only diagnosed 2 years ago at 56. So painful & the shame for my rage is huge. This conversation gives me comfort. Thank you both so much ❤