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I (no joke) just listened to this 4 times in a row because it dovetails so well with what I'm going through right now. I'm glad I heard this when I needed to hear it.

Listens as I'm folding my clothes 😅

Jaye is so eloquently describing so many feelings that I have had when it comes to feedback in relationships, to the extent that I have left behind relationships or changed how I interact with dozens or even hundreds of people. Glad I have found this now. I wish that I had had this 20 years ago.

Yes! At 24 minutes in I totally had the same revelation. I get into a phase of being a people pleaser and acting like I gotta be the funniest most interesting person and how I feel is really dependent on how they react. Did they laugh? Yes? No? That determines how my day is going.

Now I gotta remind myself to slow down. Stop caring what people think and if the moment is boring, that’s fine. Maybe there’s not much to talk about right now? Sometimes you just need to let boring moments be boring moments and don’t force anything.

At 22:50 speaking of the "Don't don't don't". I was my best friend's best man and I was so nervous about screwing things up or taking any attention away from he or his awesome wife at his wedding. You could see in the church photos. I am standing as though I was in the Military.   I didn't even turn to look at the audience. Reciting in my head, "Don't move, Don't move." Even the group photos I'm standing there, all pale looking like a fool. 😄

This is really helpful. I am over sixty and for most of my life didn’t even know why I reacted instead of responded, why I would lose my temper when inside I know I am happiest when there is peace, and (now I realize) I would contort myself to keep the peace. I am recently diagnosed (a year) and I have so much to learn. The last part about asking for some time to regulate myself - I am often the pushy one when I get keyed up. I need to take some time around some subjects OFTEN. I also am still learning to recognize when I need a quiet few minutes.
I am trying to practice asking questions instead of expounding. Just in the last several years I learned it is ok to not have the answers, it’s ok to say “I don’t know, I will look that up” or (very difficult) “I haven’t heard that, thank you. I will spend some time researching that”.

You guys have a video about shame spiral at work?

I have a job where I wear a walkie talkie. 😬 it’s rough. I have to ignore it a lot. I get into a shame spiral because I’m too willing to make it be all my fault.

this just came in time for me, I just burst out/react in anger to my mom and , I didn't really mean to shout to her , and In the middle she said (she came from a trip) and she was shouted a lot , i reconice that we had to stop and have a time but the damage of the shouting was already done, and I and I feel like really bad and this cascading of shame feelings towards myself, and yea , that spial came,  I try to after. really soon apologise,  hering that he talked to my dad she did't sounded upset or anger, but no, she was still anger at me, (she is right, it was not the way to talk to her) intend of giving myself more time, and I stupidly say ''I apologise for shouting at you, I shouldn't have, ... I was doing it good, and them I stupily said '' I forget you were shouted before, I shoud't done it' and it stupid because I did't meant that I won't apologies if she was not shouted before, I just realice that and blur that unesesary, and that doesn't help at all... so this thing really helps me to see how to aproche this situacions-  specially because the perfectionism in me crawled this past week and made things difficult and I hole a lot of anxiety/tensed and recovering from a burnout, but not adding all to recover from it because of this
I was diagnose a little more than a year and I thinked that I would have figure how to be better in a year but it not the case, I have so much to learn still how to handle relationships and life itself , whiout beging perfectionism or people pleaser and also no to go to the other side of begging a bad person- even if it is really more like a moment that your behavior is bad, and not that you are a bad person, just this mistake in this moment

🤯 Thanks for making this video.

24:48 🎯

Hi I just found you and this was very helpful but I do wounder if you take any adhd meds if you dont mind sharing thank you.

For the situation mentioned around 9:25, is there a way to repair a relationship that has gotten to the point where the other person has mentally or verbally labeled us as a lost cause?

In my case my partner didn’t realize they had stopped bringing things up because they were having to manage my emotional reaction to things being brought up (mostly crying as the main dis-regulation around house tasks and cleaning). They recently recognized it but it feels like too much damage has been done already.

How does the person with adhd/the emotional reaction course correct and repair the loss of trust with the other person? What work can I do to build new patterns with them?

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This was super good. Thanks for putting it together. And, I'm not sure if avoiding related diagnostic terms was intentional or not, but if anyone else is interested, here are a few terms they can look into to learn more about some of the topics covered in the video as they are all intersections with ADHD, autism, and other psycho-social intersections.

Rejection Sensitivity (mentioned later in the video, but I'd like to make sure it's separated out from the next item below)
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (or "RSD")
Demand Avoidance
Pathological Demand Avoidance
Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (or "OCPD," not to be confused with the more commonly referenced OCD)

Contact info for Coach? Looking for new clients?