OpenTube

Dismissive Avoidants Choose “Safety” Over Love

Coach Ryan

9,604 views

Did your dismissive avoidant ex marry someone else?

Many people automatically assume that means they loved that person more.

Not necessarily.

Dismissive avoidants often don’t choose relationships based on the deepest emotional connection. They choose relationships based on what feels emotionally safest.

The partner who required less vulnerability.
The partner who demanded less intimacy.
The partner who didn’t activate their deepest attachment wounds.

Love and safety are not always the same thing for a dismissive avoidant.

In this video, I’m breaking down why some avoidants walk away from relationships where genuine love existed and commit to relationships that feel easier to manage emotionally.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Why them and not me?” this video is for you.

#DismissiveAvoidant #AttachmentStyles #AvoidantAttachment #RelationshipAdvice #BreakupRecovery #EmotionalAvailability #AttachmentTheory #HealingJourney #RelationshipCoach #CoachRyan

20 Comments

@CoachRyanH Creator 3 months ago Pinned

Have you ever watched an avoidant leave a deep relationship and commit to someone who seemed emotionally “safer”? What happened? 👇

@syroserou3552 3 months ago

No decent human deserves the purgatory of having a "connection" with an avoidant.

They should come with warning signs

@dclarke1896 3 months ago

Wow! Great video! You made me realize that I would rather be discarded any day of the week than be with a dismissive avoidant that mutates into a roommate not a loving partner. 💪

@ScuzzyMcDumplings 3 months ago (edited)

I love how you said they live in a land of logic. The problem is that logic is skewed because of the repressed emotions.

@lak1294 3 months ago

"Fear conquers love." That's a good one! 👏🏽 💕

@WeepingWidowSueAna 2 weeks ago

This is honestly the most tragic thing I have ever heard of in my life. And by far the most traumatic thing I have ever experienced. ☹ Truly heartbreaking.

@sassysid100 3 months ago

What they need to do is be alone. That’s also on option. I don’t know why they insist on complicating things by pursuing relationships. Sometimes you just have to go sit down somewhere.

@LanguageswithLeila 3 months ago

Thank you so much for your valuable information..
I was discarded and he ran to another one to get married.. Im happy to be discarded❤

@JessieArmy 3 months ago (edited)

My DA ex went back to his thrice recycled ex after I left him last year. (We were together for almost 3 years).
They had a volatile relationship. Cheated on each other.
They’re now engaged. His parents want grandkids; all he wants is to please his father… who still controls his finances at the age of 36. He’s a trust fund kind. None of his siblings have ever had romantic relationships. They’re all in their 30s.
Avoidance runs deep in that family.

@bruceboyer8187 3 months ago

Spot on. I saw play out twice w two gals I passed on because they were DAs lean narcissistic as well. They both bounced off into abusive downgrades they quickly married. I dodged cannonballs😅😅😅😅

@lilu28309 3 months ago

Narcissists have hellla expectations tho and ain’t got no problem w conflict tho. So idk if they’re easy. They’re actually reallly difficult ppl to deal w. Maybe if they’re not cruel narcissts. But maybe just narcissistic. Idk, they’re insecure af. They always thinks someone is out to get them, so they start drama and acuse ppl close to them and complain about them, literally about everyyything. And they’re hella judgedmental too and will throw things in ur face. Nahh. They create emotional war and sometimes physical too.

@user-qx7ox3ew6c 1 day ago (edited)

That’s exactly the situation that happened to me - he suddenly chose another woman which he was talked into by his narcissistic mother! And he married her, although I was sure he wanted to be with me as we loved each other… Thank you for this video! ❤

@anne-marietownes8692 3 months ago

I came here looking for answers regarding my recent avoidant boyfriend ghosting on me. Instead, I found answers to what happened in my former marriage. I had not connected that my ex-husband was an avoidant. But this is exactly what happened. I left because we were BFFs and roommates. And he liked it that way. I treated him as an equal partner, but he went onto marrying a very unpleasant woman. And they have stayed married.

@laripope7660 3 months ago

Loved the balloons! 😂

@susansmith7125 2 months ago

Thank you, Coach Ryan, this video is so helpful. It helps me make sense of a lot of things.

@trisham22333 3 months ago

I have a question: why do emotionally unavailable/DA PEOPLE date in the first place?
IMO - they should not be dating at all! - If a person suffers from any form of emotional suffering & cannot provide that to a partner, whether it be from childhood trauma, broken relationships, etc, - they should seek the therapy that the need in order to heal THEMSELVES first, then when they feel it is the right time, start to date with an open mind & open heart....If we do not allow our past to die, it will never let us live.

@Jellybelly_143 3 months ago

Thank you, Coach Ryan!! You’ve been helping me more than you know!
Do DA’s have any idea that they are settling in a way or not really because they equate safety with real love? Thank you!! 😊

@dennyt3996 3 months ago

Thank you so much for this video. For almost 2 years I dated an amazing, cute, educated and accomplished woman, whom I thought was the one. Then one day she disappeared. 3 weeks later I got “the text”. A therapist friend explained what a DA was. I have labored over it as I really cared for her and tried to dissect what was wrong,,,,but your videos explained her to a “t”. Her daughter ( friends with mine) even told one she was schooled at the breakup…..