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How a Secure Person Handles an Avoidant Who Pulls Away

Coach Ryan

5,640 views

When an avoidant pulls away, it’s easy to panic, chase, or abandon yourself trying to get the connection back.

A secure person doesn’t play games or try to force closeness. They stay grounded, respect the other person’s need for space, and pay attention to whether the relationship still offers the consistency and reciprocity they need.

Here’s how a secure person handles an avoidant who pulls away.

#AvoidantAttachment #SecureAttachment #AttachmentStyles #RelationshipAdvice #DismissiveAvoidant #emotionallyunavailable #attachmenttheory #attachmentwounds #boundaries #healthyboundaries #selfabandonment #insecureattachment #relationshippsychology #relationshipcoach

10 Comments

@CoachRyanH Creator 1 day ago Pinned

When someone pulls away, the goal isn’t to chase them or punish them. It’s to stay grounded, respect their space, and pay attention to whether they’re willing to meet you with consistency.

What’s the hardest part for you when an avoidant pulls away? 👇

@PassionateFlower 16 hours ago

Trick question. When an avoidant person pulls away a securely attached person just moves on like nothing happened because nothing happened.

@Galib-o3l8k 13 hours ago

What I found interesting about Anwen Reid’s anxiety quiz is that it didn’t just focus on how you feel. A lot of the questions seemed to be about what you actually do when you’re overwhelmed, uncomfortable or under pressure. That probably says more than simply asking whether you feel anxious.

@jodigio5402 13 hours ago

How long does it take to heal? I set the boundary and never heard back from him since September 19.

@margo9265 13 hours ago

Do dismissive avoidants show their behavior patterns with all partners? (I’m not talking about narcissists or DAs)

@briechilli4496 1 day ago

Always an excuse for tacky behaviour. Maybe they should not mislead and leave people in peace. If they can pretend through the honeymoon phase, they must know the difference.

@kathym.248 22 hours ago

I had that big red flag early on getting to know him and I missed it. And I see moments now when setting a boundary was needed but I didn’t. It would have ended the relationship. I learned so much from this experience of quite a few years. I did chase and over explain but never again.

@lauragough1174 22 hours ago (edited)

I learned the hard way in my early 20s, before the DA, that if someone does you dirty and you give them another chance they will do it again and it will be even worse each time you allow it. So when DA discarded me there was zero probability he was going to get another chance. His blunt admission he was cheating with 2 other women and wanted to keep seeing me too just put extra nails in the coffin. Nope. I went no contact, refused crumbs and moved on. Married a secure man who passed away 2 years ago. No idea how the DAs life went, but based on what I've learned here I can guess.