Why Dismissive Avoidants Keep Starting Over
Coach Ryan
18,676 views
Dismissive avoidants often spend their lives starting over.
A new person. A clean slate. Another honeymoon phase. Another relationship that initially feels “easy.”
But the relationship only feels easy because real intimacy, emotional responsibility, conflict, and maintenance haven’t arrived yet.
Once the new person develops needs and expectations, the dismissive avoidant begins to deactivate. The spark supposedly disappears. Their partner becomes “too needy.” The relationship suddenly feels like pressure… and they convince themselves they simply chose the wrong person.
So they leave, experience temporary relief, and eventually start over with somebody new.
But the next person usually isn’t getting a healed version of them.
They’re getting a reset version.
Changing partners can reset the trigger, but it cannot heal the wound. Without self-awareness, accountability, and meaningful emotional work, it will always be:
New person. Same ending.
If you’re trying to understand an avoidant relationship… or recover from one…. I offer private 1:1 coaching sessions, the monthly Avoidant Detox Masterclass, and the self paced Avoidant Recovery Bundle. You can learn more through the links below.
#DismissiveAvoidant #AvoidantAttachment #AttachmentStyles #EmotionallyUnavailable #RelationshipAdvice
20 Comments
It hurt so much to be called the unreasonable one but I'm so glad now that I got discarded.
The DA I have in mind said I was one of/if not, their favourite person in the whole world and said very early on "I've never met anyone like you before". They was a lot of sexual tension in the beginning. After a year I confessed to liking them and wanting to date, to which they blew up telling me "No, no, NO! I'd destroy you... i'd lie, I'd cheat... I couldn't do that to you, you're too good for me". I said I have to cut off in that case because I didn't see them as a friend. The cry they let out over the phone broke me, I've never heard somebody in that much pain in real life before. For them, I stuck it out for another year and tried (as they wanted) as "just friends". Of course, nothing but mixed signals soon after meeting up again and even tried to sleep with me but I refused (having had a 2 hour chat about their traumas) and they were clearly vulnerable. At the end of the 3rd year of knowing them (one year later), I cut them off and went no contact. They came back a year later with a "you okay?" message. They said that they were cutting out the "negative people "from their life and she thought it was worth reconnecting with me as one of the good ones; we started speaking for a couple of days. I wanted closure on the mixed signals etc which they denied and they stonewalled me from that and gaslit me saying that I recreated history by making fantasies of them "caving" to me, which was so far from the truth as I was planning my exit after 6 months. They went full on delusional mode, blamed me for everything, they rewrote history and projected that onto me to avoid accountability and bruising their ego or realising their behaviours had consequences. They then cut me off :elbowcough:. It's just been an absolutely mental ride 😅 but your description (granted i've had to heavily cut examples and context) is INSANELY accurate to what I experienced and knew about their attachment behaviours.
I subscribed so I can watch later.
Thank you
Translation AI could be better!
Why Dismissive Avoidants Keep Starting Over
Coach Ryan
18,676 views
Dismissive avoidants often spend their lives starting over.
A new person. A clean slate. Another honeymoon phase. Another relationship that initially feels “easy.”
But the relationship only feels easy because real intimacy, emotional responsibility, conflict, and maintenance haven’t arrived yet.
Once the new person develops needs and expectations, the dismissive avoidant begins to deactivate. The spark supposedly disappears. Their partner becomes “too needy.” The relationship suddenly feels like pressure… and they convince themselves they simply chose the wrong person.
So they leave, experience temporary relief, and eventually start over with somebody new.
But the next person usually isn’t getting a healed version of them.
They’re getting a reset version.
Changing partners can reset the trigger, but it cannot heal the wound. Without self-awareness, accountability, and meaningful emotional work, it will always be:
New person. Same ending.
If you’re trying to understand an avoidant relationship… or recover from one…. I offer private 1:1 coaching sessions, the monthly Avoidant Detox Masterclass, and the self paced Avoidant Recovery Bundle. You can learn more through the links below.
#DismissiveAvoidant #AvoidantAttachment #AttachmentStyles #EmotionallyUnavailable #RelationshipAdvice