OpenTube

Narcissistic Traits That Show Up In Unhealed CPTSD

Crappy Childhood Fairy

55,795 views

🟢 *TAKE THE QUIZ: *Signs Early Trauma Is Affecting You Now*: http://bit.ly/3GhE65z
🔴TRY MY FREE COURSE: *The Daily Practice*: http://bit.ly/3X1BrE0
GET MY BOOK, "Re-Regulated": https://bit.ly/4dRI8Sj
VISIT MY WEBSITE: http://bit.ly/3CxgkRY

***
It's popular to call out relatives and ex-partners as narcissists, but what about the self-centered behaviors and thinking that are common in people traumatized as children? In this video I list traits that are narcissistic (though not necessarily narcissism) that are common with CPTSD. The traits can make life hard while they're untreated, but with healing, you can change!
***
I've got lots of info and links for you below. But first, PLEASE READ:

I am not a therapist or physician. My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in-person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client physician or quasi-physician relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go to the nearest emergency room immediately.

NEED ONLINE THERAPY? BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: https://betterhelp.com/CCF

LINKS AND INFO:

🟢 Letters: Want to submit a question for me to answer in a video? Keep it short, not too explicit, relevant for this audience. http://bit.ly/3VVxqjm

🟢 Become a Member! Access ALL my courses, webinars, group coaching & online community http://bit.ly/3Zfx9dN

🟢 Take My Online Course: Healing Childhood PTSD http://bit.ly/3k6gQQH

🟢 Change Trauma-Driven Dating Patterns Online course: Dating & Relationships for People with CPTSD http://bit.ly/3IBbrv7

🟢 Learn to Heal Dysregulation Online course: Dysregulation Bootcamp http://bit.ly/3ZpjGAh

🟢 Heal Isolation and Build Better Relationships Online course: Connection Bootcamp http://bit.ly/3iuUEPz

🟢 Coaching Programs & LIVE Calls with Anna
🔹 Real Love Coaching Program: Apply Now: https://bit.ly/3Qjdozs
🔹 8-Week Coaching Intensive for Help Healing Trauma Symptoms: https://bit.ly/3wjVVjg
🔹 Join LIVE Webinars with Me: https://bit.ly/3ifhJ8U

🟢 *Struggling with Food and Weight? Take the Quiz to Find Out if Carb Sensitivity is a Factor (this helped me lose 27 pounds recently): https://ble.life/V9fe9O

(I receive commissions on referrals & recommend services I know and trust)

20 Comments

@Gracie.Gardener 3 years ago Pinned

When I first started healing, the hardest part was identifying those narcissistic behaviors in myself or others. I came to understand that my narc parent’s behavior was modeled & taught to me and it comes out most when I’m stressed. It doesn’t mean I’m a narc. It means I’m stressed! I try to show myself compassion and understanding. I do not want to be anything like my narc parent. That in its self is a strong motivator to continue to grow and heal.

@katiekane5247 3 years ago

A gal became a good friend of mine for a while. I was working horticultural retail, she was a quiet but obviously knowledgeable customer. We got along right away & eventually shared our stories. She'd been diagnosed BPD, I'd had multiple diagnoses. She said once that she felt guilty for being so mentally "different" given the absence of horrific physical abuse where others had fared better surviving severe abuse. We decided; it's not ALL what went on in our childhoods, it was how we coped with what happened at the time given our personalities, stage of development & presence or absence of support. In the end, concentrating on the here & now, what we NOW have control of. Almost 20 years later, she's reached a level of success she thought she'd never have. My success has been limited by physical issues but at 64, I keep working toward handling my interpersonal issues. We are NOT our diagnosis! We're NOT broken for good! We are worth the effort to keep finding happiness wherever we are. I know when I feel fragile, I must radiate a "hit me" vibe, metaphorically of course. I'm challenged by my current home situation but am taking steps to get help with it. Thanks Ana & the healing community!

@imapandaperson 3 years ago

For those of us feeling defensive over the victim mentality segment because i know i was --- hurting over what happened to you, dealing with grief, recognizing trauma has shaped our brains and struggling with that, isn't a "victim mentality." There is no timeline as to when you should be "over it" or anything like that. Don't let anyone (especially not abusers or enablers) tell you you're "playing the victim" or "looking for attention" when you speak your truth and admit you are still hurting. Don't let anyone impose a timeline on you, just keep actively working on yourself and let the process take as long as it takes.

BUT not having empathy for other people's pain, competing over pain, constantly trauma dumping on others with no self work, and using your victimhood to justify victimizing/hurting other people (aka abuse) IS a victim mentality. Your lack of effort to treat others with dignity because you have been hurt is where victim mentality comes in.

That's the difference.

@Red88Rex 3 years ago

We walk the line very close and have to make sure we do not give in to those toxic and unhealthy traits and end up becoming our abusers and continuing the cycle.

@malemaline 3 years ago

I hate that I had to suffer as a child and now as an adult life is so tough too ugh!

@christineherrmann205 3 years ago

As soon as one ends up in a romantic relationship with a narcissist, one begins to question whether or not you are one. IMHO it's nearly inevitable.

@alexas.5287 3 years ago

Unfortunately, many of us suffered from enmeshment trauma and as a result, we are more aggressively focused on our own thoughts/feelings/safety/all forms of security.

But on the other hand, I can see how a narcissistic and self-obsessed parent could lead to a self-focused child, who learned that it’s you vs. the world and every person for themselves. Narcissistic parents are of course super bad at teaching their children empathy and putting people’s needs before your own when it makes sense to do so!

@lisawehler7052 3 years ago (edited)

The big one for me is ‘everyone I know is a narcissist.’ And there is a little truth to that. As a person with cptsd I seem to attract people who are very willing to use, victimize and dominate others, or even suck on your sympathy. It’s logical when you think about it as these people are always looking for new ‘friends’ as they have worn out their welcome with others. So I’m always wary and sometimes over vigilant when new people come into my life. Although it’s true that we have to accept other people’s character flaws because we all have them, there is something about not wanting to have any kind of relationship that is anything like a narc/victim relationship. I’m always looking for red flags and I often find them. As a person with cptsd I find that a difficult balance. What’s a good friend with a few character flaws and what’s an abusive relationship. Because the minute I see that red flag it gives me a big pause and I take that step back. I often wonder if I’m being over sensitive and over protective. I so like your phrase, ‘keep it on the porch, you don’t have to bring it in the house.’ The problem is that I rarely bring it in the house! 😊

@sixthsenseamelia 3 years ago

Narcissistic abuse syndrome.
I notice it becomes more prevalent when spend any amount of time with a narcissist.

@ameliel8792 3 years ago

These are such important reflections. The very nature of childhood trauma is that you're living in survival and may feel very young, like an arrested development - no one living in survival with an arrested development is able to properly think about others and their internal worlds when we can be so preoccupied with our own. It's a damn shame. So many survivors just want to 'get on with our lives' but we're dealing with all this dysfunction.

@emzuli7432 3 years ago

A certain amount of selfishness is necessary for survival

@orpha9031 3 years ago

Golden words. I am a CPTSD survivor.
58, 3 years clean, I am owning my life now. ♥️ THank you for being there to help me grow beyond what I could have imagined.

@jetsetrn 3 years ago

I can’t even find the words to describe the genius this lady is…. She helps me far more than even the giants like Bessel and Gabor…. This lady is smart (brilliant), brief, practical, and soul-freeing. God bless you Fairy

@That_Handle 3 years ago (edited)

"Narcissistic" is an adjective and it's important to distinguish it from clinically diagnosed narcissism. Let's take it as an adjective and as such not be so preoccupied with fear about it and simply be more engaged as to what is driving it. It's important to give ourselves Grace if we are going to grow to transcend

@sagesufferswell 3 years ago

I can now see why the social worker thought I had NPD after talking to me for an hour but everyone in my life that I told was flabbergasted by it. As usual it's the CPTSD + Neurodivergency.

@Mobri 3 years ago

I saw common behaviors that I was participating in that my narcissistic mother taught me some really negative behaviors. It caused a lot of trouble in my life and wrecked many good friendships/relationships.

It was really, really hard to accept that I was my own biggest problem. It was really hard to change the way I treat others, think of others, and myself. It was really hard to work through the behavior and own it without feeling immense shame.

It didn't start to get better until I gave myself permission to appreciate myself. Even love myself. Loving myself felt narcissistic until it stopped being about anybody but me.

I still go through really hard times and when I don't take care of myself very well the symptoms come back. It still hurts relationships and I still feel shame after, and a lot of deep sadness.

But every time I try to connect to a person that is just a little better for me and they don't run from any weird behavior instantly, I heal. I learn to choose better people, I learn that I have value without needing to be enmeshed, and I learn that I'm far from unlovable if I just let people try.

Being hurt by people is AWFUL. It still throws my entire world into disarray. But the emptiness I felt in my isolation was far worse, I realize now.

Thank you for this video. One of the hardest parts of my healing journey has been understanding my agency. If my old choices made me unhappy, then I can make good choices now, if I have courage and grit to own my mistakes and not drown in the familiar shame instead.

@Potatoslice 3 years ago

I laughed at the "but everyone on the planet is awful". My mother IS a Narc and that killed my perception of people. When I cut her off and started facing my emotions I legit hated the world and felt abandoned by humanity because of how alone I was and the fact that for the entirety of my life not a single person tried to care for me, especially in any sort of healthy, empathetic way. The first person who did deeply care for me and was there for me as an intimate partner; in my head she was an outlier. Fortunately years later I'm still slowly repairing this perception.. its not easy.

@heidithesausage 3 years ago

Trying to set boundaries or say no for the first time & standing up for yourself is really hard when you have always had a fawning response. In my situation it created more trauma. When you're trying to change, or heal I guess, some people refuse to accept or respect your new boundaries maybe that's when you need to find the inner narc more then ever?? Thank you for your wise & kind words♥

@Abe-rz1nm 3 years ago

I'm almost healed now but I remember in my 20s my healing journey started when I realised I didn't like myself very much, meaning I didn't like that I said or did mean things. It was just because I was brought up with parents who only said mean things and I just thought that was normal, but then I would feel bad about myself. Even now I get a bit insensitive when I am tired or angry, but still working on it.

@firebreathingbich 3 years ago

Always that endless question. Am I a narcissist? Am I just asking myself that because I know that if I do that people say I am not one? Am I crazy? Am I just asking that because people say that if I ask it I am not? Hard to trust my own thoughts when I want to take a hard look at myself.