The number 1 trait of a toxic father is that he raises you to believe that everything is about him and never teaches you anything about self love and care.

1. Eggshell (moody, overly reactive parent)
-lack of emotional safety
-leads to hypervigilance
2. Neglectful (physical, mental, or emotional absence)
-“I don’t matter”
3. Critical, Controlling, Condescending, Passive Aggressive, and/or covert narc victim mentality
-effect on self-esteem: “I am not good enough”
4. Controlling, lack boundaries, enmeshment
-patriarchal, authoritarian attitude
-unable to be a separate person
5. Self-Centered, manipulative, & gaslighting
-don’t admit to mistakes (admitting to faults is perceived as weakness)
-“my attachment figures / people are not safe and trustworthy”
6. Conditionality
-love is conditional

The bar was pretty low in the 70s. My dad gets an A because he paid the bills and “stayed.” However, I was invisible unless I did something wrong and everyone thought he was awesome… I did not.

It's amazing that our culture even works at all given the fact that so many toxic people are running around....

My father is too toxic. He wants me as a failure because he wants to show himself as superior. He didn't even invested in my education. He literally say me "Demotivating words" to make me a failure. He is also a hypocrite because he says in front of other relatives that we should motivate and support our childrens while he doesn't.

I found this easier to watch due to cat therapy :chillwcat:🐾

The things these fathers say can have an enormous impact. When my sister was a child she poured a large bowl of cereal. My dad looked at it and said “ if you keep eating like that, you’ll end up like a side of a house like your mother” she went on to have eating disorders.

As a daughter of a man who disdained women and a mother who was deeply traumatized by his disregard, I had no idea who I was to be as a female. Mother could not instill a healthy sense of self in me as she did not have this herself. So they both unknowingly taught me to seek the approval of men throughout my life, and to relentlessly question my own worth and significance. I have been in therapy for decades yet my sense of self, at 70,  is still being formed.

I had a narcissistic father, when he died I never felt so free

The eggshells 😢 I didn't even realize something was wrong, but it leads to a lifetime of being like a lighthouse - always busy scanning for danger.

The injustice is overwhelming, especially for a kid with little life perspective.

One of the hardest things for me as an adult is having the memories of my dad being so awesome to everyone else, anyone else, truly will give the shirt off his back.  Yet, when it comes to his own son, his shame and lack of accountability keeps him from ever growing emotionally.   Coupled with the narcissistic stepmother it's absolutely insane.  Their lack of self awareness ruins children, which in turn makes for a rough adult life.

I commented earlier but have a question for anyone out there, does anyone else feel physically 'sick' as they are coming to the realization of the unstable childhood and narcissist environment they were led to believe was 'normal'? ❤

One common toxic father-child dynamic is that the father is living vicariously through their child, and expects the child to live the father's unfulfilled dreams and life goals.  Often for dads who worked with their hands it's attending college and getting a corporate job (as it was with me), or being a sports star or sports standout. Or maybe it's pursuing a certain career that brings a lot of prestige, like being a doctor or a lawyer. I was the Golden Child as long as I stayed on The One True Path; if I strayed, I was the Scapegoat. (I was an only child, so I have elements of the GC, SG, and Lost Child all mixed together. I spent a lot of time in my room either reading or listening to music so as to stay out of Dad's way and not set him off.)

My dad has all the traits....the man who was my "role model" growing up also has all these traits....toxic adults prey on children...its disgusting.

It’s a miracle any of us are evening functioning adults at this point. We’ve all been dealt a hand of cards that have made us who we are today. Now let’s play that hand to win ❤🥰🙏

My father fits almost all of the things mentioned in this video and I'm not surprised. The point about moms not defending their kids is also sadly spot on. She didn't do that enough for any of my siblings nor me.

Sorry for the cat-tastrophe😂!!

Dr. Sage - It speaks volumes about your strength and your character that you became the compassionate, brilliant, brave, and kind person you are today despite the parental wounds of your youth and early adulthood. I hope you take pride in who you are today, because you deserve to. Brava. Thank you for your wonderful talks here, which are healing to me.

Heartbreaking 💔 to discover my dad is toxic. It has taken me 53 years to open my traumatised eyes. 👀 love your cats 🐈