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THIS is Why Avoidants Pull Away - And When to Move On (Confessions of a Recovered Avoidant)

UNDERSTANDABLE

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Welcome to today's episode! In this video I reveal the #1 reason why avoidant partners pull away. I also share when it's the best moment to move on.

► Links and Resources:
Polyvagal Theory Video: The Truth about POLYVAGAL THEORY: Can We L...
Narcissist vs Avoidant Video: Are They a Narcissist or Just Avoidant? (R...
Avoidant Attachment Gets Exposed in the Bedroom Video: Why the Bedroom Exposes Avoidant Attachmen...
Deactivation Strategies Video: Healed Avoidant Reveals the #1 Reason Avoi...
Shutdown Video: Avoidant Shutdown: Why Avoidants Suddenly ...
The Moment Avoidants Decide to Change Video: Healed Avoidant Describes The Exact Moment...

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► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
01:46 The Pull-Away Mechanism
03:52 The Four F's
04:31 Fight Responses
11:01 Flight Responses
15:49 Freeze Responses
19:38 Fawn Responses
21:00 When to Move On
26:55 The Rock Bottom

► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: info@understandable.net

► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

14 Comments

@understandablepodcast Creator 1 month ago Pinned

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@missmedieval 1 day ago

Thank you for explaining the difference between gaslighting and denial... I really appreciate you breaking this down.

@TeresaTBrinker 1 month ago

I’m just really trying to watch this to see if I will feel better but my heart is aching, and every moment feels empty without him. I'm holding on to the hope that we'll be together again, and my happiness will be restored.

@TheMcC07 1 month ago

I can understand why they pull away... but that doesn't excuse the behavior before, during, or after the breakup. Move on as soon as you realize they're an avoidant. Don't let yourself stay and get more deeply attached. Rip your arm out of the trap, take however long you need to lick your wounds, and move on. But don't fall into another trap. Learn from your past.

@flower_7890 1 month ago

(As a healing avoidant)... I used to think that people were trying to control me and I was always reacting negatively when they tried to get closer or express their needs . I remember telling myself " no one can fully have me, no one can trap me" 😔

@alexanderlim4728 1 month ago

hallo robert, danke für deine erfahrungen. was ich nicht verstehe ist, du sagst sie haben angst verletzt zu werden, sie wissen aber nicht, das sie diejenigen sind, die ihre partner verletzen. ein tägliches like für deinen grossartigen kanal

@joeygaskin 1 month ago

wow! this is spot on.100%

@Anja92ful 1 month ago

As always a great video Robert! Would you say that the ex that showed you so much compassion made you want to break up even more because of the feelings or guilt? Or did you feel she was lacking boundaries?

@fabiofaber5565 1 month ago

My ex avoidant after I asked for some more during autumn winter and spring, since we stayed togheter most of the time in my summer beach house said she didnt want to live togheter just some days in those months cause she had to take care of her mother(its true, I am not joking). I stopped doing all the work. And after some months I started dating someone else. it was the natural outcome.

@Schwartzzz 1 month ago

21:47 Cut

@alexk9403 1 month ago

What happens when every single time they pull away they're always being met with kindness and warmth and never with conflict? Currently dealing with a third silence cycle..just trying to understand

@SuperJukkis 1 month ago

I give a lot of shit to avoidants but yeah, compared to narcissists they're an improvement.

@jameswingad3212 1 month ago

In their avoidant form there really is nowhere to go. They treat you worse not better the more understanding you show. There really is not even the smallest bit of good in these people on any level.

@gayleneflower398 1 month ago (edited)

I’m sick of this AI crap. It’s bad enough to listen to advertisements when talking about personal relationships. But now you don’t want to do it yourself. You wanna hand it over to AI and make money no thank you! Get rid of AI , be authentic! everyone on YouTube is starting to do this and they will not get my vote. Relationships are not a commodity! I am getting rid of this channel for good.