What’s the BIGGEST early dating red flag you ignored because the chemistry was strong? 🚩

Be honest. Let people learn from it.

Avoidants are more trouble than they’re worth. Simple as that. Run.

One of the best YouTube videos on this subject.

The bottom line if dating feels like work and stress vs feeling nice and easy flow that brings you joy just drop them.

So many broken hearts in the comments! I'm sorry guys. I've been there. I'm there right now....again. with the same fucking person 😞

That "easy" thing drives me nuts. I had no idea easy meant very different things to us. To me it meant trust and open-ness and understanding. To him it meant no needs, no expectations and no depth.

I think all those watching the videos have already fallen too late. Because how would you know about avoidants unless they’ve already been on one and after being hurt and confused now decided to do research

I had no idea about avoidant attachment until much later. Wish I knew about this earlier. I am recovering and these videos help me such much. Thank you, Coach Ryan

Biggest red flag was inconsistency.

He kept saying the right things- but his words weren’t matching. I remember thinking, “I feel like I’m keeping him here.” I asked him a few times if he was happy, if he was sure, we could split up if he preferred. He kept saying he was sure, he loved me, wanted to get married. “I could do this forever.”

8 hours later- the 1st discard.

I shouldn’t have taken him back, but I had no idea what I was dealing with, and loved him, and gave him the benefit of the doubt.

2nd discard 6 months later was so much worse.

It's like someone who never invites people into their home because they don't want anyone to see the chaos inside. In the same way, some people avoid emotional closeness because they don't want others to see the parts of themselves they find difficult, messy, or vulnerable.

This was a very helpful video,  ty.
 If anyone ever considers taking an Avoidant back, REMEMBER THEY DID NOT CHOSE YOU!   SO RUN AWAY!

Everything is so true. But the hardest part is that they may not answer your questions honestly, especially when they’re older and more experienced. You trust what they tell you, and only later, when reality starts to show, you notice the inconsistencies—their words don’t match their actions. Then suddenly, right when real vulnerability and closeness are required, they pull away or end the relationship. Even when you’re only asking for the bare minimum of emotional closeness, they quit. That disappointment hits hard because you genuinely trusted them.

The ghosting, he was always busy seemed like he only wanted to talk on his terms, I was never a Priority

I've just been discarded by a dismissive avoidant who lectured me endlessly about me having too many expectations.

Sometimes you cannot tell. My avoidant was consistent but later down the relationship he started with problems with conflict resolution and keeping things very level surface and no repair.

You forgot another flag
The avoidant will turn YOU into an alcoholic 😂

Wish this had been available forty Plus years ago It would have saved me decades of heart ache

Early on my avoidant ex had no issue talking about feelings, he declared that he loved me in the first few weeks. However those conversations became less frequent over time. I also noticed he talked a LOT about his past - exes, childhood etc. including his feelings sometimes but I felt like an audience member rather than an active participant in the conversation. I realised that he would cycle the same stories to whoever would listen, including me, even when I had already heard them before.

I wish I saw this video 4 years ago. Too late now. Learned the hard way. I probably wouldn’t have listened to this advice anyway. Now I’m alone and numb.

The avoidant I dealt with told me that he has talked to people, and he is good! In other words, he has done the work to heal, etc... Lol. , like Im a  fool and don't see all the hot ,cold , push and pull , shallow bs! I made the mistake of getting too attached. I felt like I was falling into a deep hole. Scary awful process. Im happy to say that I don't  think about him half as much. I thank God  for healing me from this . It was powerful. It felt like a spell. I highly recommend running away from people like this and not looking back. It's sad that they are so damaged.  But we can't fix them !!!