Great video Mark. Here are the 10 lessons:

1. Nobody is coming to save you
2. Not all problems are meant to be fixed
3. You aren't afraid of failure; you are afraid of being seen failing
4. Your mind lies to you all the time
5. Not everyone will like you (and that’s a good thing)
6. Feelings are data, not directives
7. Sometimes the best thing you can do is let a dream die
8. Your limitations are actually good for you
9. Your parents did their best and still fucked it up
10. Only a few people will matter in the long run

The story about your dad and your grandpa unlocked something for me! My dad didn’t attend my college graduation (or most things in my life you’d expect a father to show up for). At the time I didn’t care that much because it was SOP for him, but later on after I had kids I was like wtf, how could anyone not go to their kid’s graduation? And he wasn’t, like, doing surgery at the same time or something, or deployed to the military. He lived 3 hours away from the college, with my mom, and as usual he just sent her as the family representative and didn’t feel like he really needed to do anything. I doubt he even congratulated me—he had other priorities in his life, and a lifelong lack of object permanence when it comes to his kids. Anyway when I watched your video today it suddenly made me remember him telling me, with bitterness and sadness, about the time when he was a freshman in college and the “dorm mother” called every freshman’s mom to coordinate a special care package to be sent to them, and he was the only one who didn’t get one. When he called his mom to ask why she didn’t send one, she said “oh, you have your own money, you can buy whatever you need!” Not to be mean, but because she truly didn’t get it. Now I see it was the same damn thing. Something in both my grandma’s and my dad’s brain just never fully connected to others empathically in some ways. But I do think they (mostly) did their best. I already have an adult child and I’m bracing myself to see through her eyes how I failed her. But I know I tried my best. Sorry for such a long comment, but I found your insight very meaningful today. Thank you.

Some lessons take years to learn because pain keeps repeating what wisdom tried to teach the first time. The faster you get honest with yourself, the faster your life changes.

Not all parents did their best. Some were monsters and we need to accept that

I have learned to embrace pain, discomfort, and depression. These are emotions that are part of existence and shouldn’t be numbed

Stop that thing with: Parents always do their best. Please, they are certainly not, you were just lucky.

As a licensed psychotherapist, I just wish it could be that easy. Many lessons are just not easy to learn, and people have to literally go through their own process to come up with these amazing life lessons on their own. Emotional blindness is a real thing.

I received one compliment from my Dad (a high school drop-out) my whole life: it wasn't for being the first college graduate in his family; it wasn't at my law school graduation, which he didn't bother attending; and it wasn't for becoming a lawyer after passing the Calif. Bar on the first try. It was for accurately measuring and cutting a  carpet for our single bathroom. I harbored negative thoughts about him for a long time, and didn't grieve his passing. But now that I am old, and have had time to reflect,
I realize that he was a child of his times (the Depression, WWII combat, etc.) and did the best that he knew how. I wish things could have been different, but I deal with that.

This is one of those videos where, after you watch it once, you should click on the "save for later" button so thT you can play it again from time to time.

I think I need at least 13 minutes of therapy a day for the next 20 years. 😅

Wow! “The people who self selected you out of their lives are doing you a favor” I absolutely agree with this statement. It actually works both ways. I have self selected many people out of my life and it’s been very beneficial for me.

This is the perfect way to make a video in my opinion. Using subtle humour while talking about deep topics. Not overly hilarous or pensive. The advices seem like a compilation of both of your books and it still works. Keep up the good work bro.

It’s funny because you’ve kind hit all off the biggest therapeutic orientations & techniques with these:
1. Resisting against the problem brings you more pain than the problem itself - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
2. Catch yourself in the narrative/challenge the thoughts - CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy)
3. Your feelings are data and you get to choose what you do with that data - elements of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy for emotional regulation

2. Not all problems are meant to be fixed. you don't solve all your problems, you learn how to deal with them without harming youself or others.

11:00 I agree fully but what sucks is when you THOUGHT you had found those people, but it shows that you were wrong.

I can remember, I read somewhere that you should treat your thoughts like clouds, overing and floating over your head, you don't have to take every thought so personally, because our minds truly does lie to us occasionally.

The part about some people not liking you (which is a good thing) is 100% spot on. I'm naturally positive and optimistic in life, and at work certain people find this annoying - mainly the ones that are negative, cynical and pessimistic. This is great, as they self-select their way out of my circle, leaving me spending most of my day (and a third of my life) surrounded by highly productive and positive colleagues. The same goes for your personal interactions outside work (another third of your life) - remove the people that drain your energy and keep the ones that fill your battery. 'We are the company we keep' is so true. It also impacts your children, as they'll see your optimism and it can help them be more positive about tackling their own challenges in life.

Ditch the emotional vampires and mood hoovers, and life instantly feels a lighter place.

When everything in life starts feeling too much at once, it can be hard to understand what’s really causing it. Clara Hartley’s anxiety quiz may help you recognize some of those patterns.

This new idea that you need to swear in every other sentence to appear more relatable is so common in modern therapy 😂

"Catch yourself midstory and ask, is this true or am I just on autopilot" is one of the sharpest one-liners in this whole video. The thing worth adding: catching the thought is a skill you have to do in real time, every time, for the rest of your life, because the belief generating the thought never actually got updated, only interrupted. There's a version of this work that goes directly at the belief itself so the "lying" thought stops generating as often in the first place, instead of needing to be caught mid-flight forever. Brutally honest, genuinely useful video either way — this is 20 years of therapy in 12 minutes, no notes.