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A Deep Dive into LANA DEL REY and the Anxious Attachment Style [Full Discography & Lyric Breakdowns]

Claire Craig

73,158 views

Lana Del Rey's discography paints a vivid picture of the anxious attachment style, with themes of limerence, rescue fantasies, the anxious avoidant trap, abandonment trauma, and more. In this video, I do a lyric breakdown and discussion from every Lana Del Rey album, from Born to Die to Did You Know That There's A Tunnel Under Ocean Boulevard and explore how the anxious attachment style reveals itself in the way she writes about her relationships. I am not a therapist, this is not a therapist reaction video, this is just a Lana del Rey stan with an anxious attachment style sharing her poetry analysis. But I do hope it helps someone!!

JOIN MY PATREON HERE! https://www.patreon.com/c/ClaireCraig...

Or you can support my channel through a one time donation here: https://ko-fi.com/clairecraig

Joyninja article on limerence: https://joyninja.com/faq/what-is-lime....

Joyninja article on healing from rescue fantasies: https://joyninja.com/healing-fantasie...

TIMESTAMPS:
0:00 Intro
2:03 What is an Anxious Attachment Style?
6:07 Fear of Abandonment, Activating Strategies, and the Anxious Avoidant Trap
14:51 Limerence and Healing Fantasies
26:23 How to go from Anxious Attachment Style to Secure

REFERENCES:
Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
Ultraviolence Lana Del Rey
Honeymoon Lana Del Rey
Born to Die Lana Del Rey
Lana del Rey interview with Grazia: https://lanaboards.com/topic/4780-lan...
Healing Fantasies: Releasing the Longing to be Rescued https://joyninja.com/healing-fantasie...
How to Heal the Anxious Attachment Style Chris Rackliffe https://www.crackliffe.com/words/2024....
Borderline Personality Disorder BPD Favorite Person: https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/...
Joyninja What is Limerence? https://joyninja.com/faq/what-is-lime....

20 Comments

@ClaireCraig Creator 1 year ago Pinned

Hello everyone!! I am pleased to announce that my Lolita/Lana Del Rey video essay is finally done!! It is nearly 3 hours long (insane, I know) but if you are JUST interested in the psychology section, it serves as a stand-alone video and is the last 40 minutes of the video essay:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IM_gES0YRc

I also have a video on Feminine Madness where I cross-analyze Lana, Sylvia Plath, and Lolita which you can purchase here if you'd like to support the channel: https://www.patreon.com/clairecraig/shop or you can sign up for my Patreon for more exclusive videos!

Thank you everyone for your time, I truly appreciate it and it warms my heart that so many of you benefitted from this video! (even though it also breaks my heart that so many can relate). Genuinely wishing the best for all of you!! <3

@Hlhslm 1 year ago

i’ve been a feminist for years and i’ve never found her music to be anti-feminist. she just tells it like it is. when she’s talking about dv (apparently) or any form of abuse it doesn’t praise the man for it, he’s described as a cruel and cold person. its very clear to me that its not a romanticization of abuse, songs like ultraviolence, cruel world, pwyc, aren’t romantic.

@girlyvidsbyali1475 1 year ago

Only 17 minutes in and I realized I’m suffering the same trauma and the fact that I’ve been the issue all along in my failed relationships

@Tennascull 1 year ago

I’m so grateful for this video because I feel like people don’t talk about narcissistic or covert narcissist mothers who are jealous of their own daughters and want them to fail in life and do everything they can to sabotage them when they are finally taking steps to better themselves at least that was my experience

@colechristensen1909 1 year ago

Why are you more helpful than 8 years of professional mental health?
You are madly wise.
Thank you for helping the lightbulb go off for me

@katd1845 1 year ago

This was EXCELLENT. You really broke down this trauma that so many of us have and aren't dealing with. To the point but firm and kind. Thank you, keep making more.

@korkybuchek2500 1 year ago

This video felt like a slap in the face. I always found comfort in Lana’s music during my past relationships bc it described exactly what i was going through. Still one of my favorite artists till this day but her music will no longer be my personal story when it comes to love and relationships 😅

@The_Cherokee_Gypsy 1 year ago

The first Lana song I ever heard was ride. It lit a fire within me that I couldn’t explain. I cried. I watched the video again. I cried. I related to her in so many ways, and still to this day I feel like she’s my soul sister/twin flame. I got to see her in concert and I cried the whole time. I have grown up, married, and had my first child and I’m happy, but I will never forget what her music did to me. Helped me in so many ways it’s unattainable.

@moonnectarine 1 year ago

Haven’t finished the video yet but it’s confirmed for me that I probably am anxiously attached as I loved Lana all throughout my young adulthood bc I related to her so much. Nobody else described my feelings quite like her. And I see I have a lot to work on for sure.

@bbydevil5 1 year ago (edited)

This is one of the best analysis of Lana's music I hav ever seen. You have done proper research for this. And I subscribed as soon as I finished the video

@catttyun 1 year ago

I've noticed this pattern in all the relationships I've seeked of been in ever since I was 14. I'm slowly fixing it and I've seen a lot of progress. But it's weird, it seems that no matter how conscious I am of my trauma and the motives I have for seeking salvation in a partner, I can never stop feeling that urge, that pull.

@eyes1168 1 year ago

It's interesting watching this as someone healing from an avoidant attachment style, I was always terrified to trust anyone as much as an anxious does, though sadly many times I crossed my own boundaries to take care of my partners, since if not doing so, I felt terrible guilt. Leaving an anxious or even just setting boundaries with them can feel like abandoning a child and the guilt and internal warfare that has always arose in me was a lot to deal with, but now I'm dating a (mostly) secure guy and it's still not easy to communicate my boundaries but I'm getting better at it, and his understanding and appreciation for it helps a lot. I wish you guys strength with healing, whichever side you're on, we're all just trying to feel worthy of love.

@corvuscorax1740 1 year ago

I’d be interested in the Lana/Lolita video! Didn’t see anyone else say this, so I wanted to show that there’s some interest

@KamariaHolden 1 year ago

It's one thing to have an internal victim mindset, but it's a whole other to acknowledge the atrocities of the world around us & said patterns that have persisted from generation to generation & carry on today. It's not victimizing, it's a deep understanding that certain aspects of society are simply not okay & need to change for a better tomorrow. I could go on but with all that said, this was generally a great video to help clarify anxious attachment & helped me appreciate Lana's lyricism in the process, thank you for sharing all your insights.

@katarina8764 1 year ago

this is SO AMAZING!!! i’m aiming to major in psychology and i’m a huge lana fan, so this is absolutely amazing. i’m doing my thesis on attachment and this was all so beautifully put. SO GOOD!!!

@katianas1234 1 year ago

You're blowing my mind because it all makes so much sense now with this in mind! Both me and why I love her music. Thank you for making this video!!

@HeavenlySedated822 8 months ago

this video hit home big time. i'm a therapist and i'm still learning new things everyday. i just learned of the term limerence earlier last year but i immediately recognized that it's something i've done in childhood and have recently engaged in in my adulthood. this video helped me feel not so alone. thank you!

@kerilgen 1 year ago

I’m a limerence girly. I’ve always had a problem letting go but recently at age 45 I was diagnosed with ADHD and put on medication for it and for the first time in my life, I find that I’m not pining anymore. I’m a singer/songwriter too which I think makes it especially hard to stop these thoughts because they become such a huge part of your creative process. I sink into them to pull up those emotions. Now, I just don’t feel like I need to do it that way anymore. I’m able to focus on the now and instead of sad, I’m hopeful about the future. I do think ADHD was a huge contributor. I’m also the child of a bipolar mother. I thought I should include that for science.

@mattytalkin 1 year ago

I really am glad you made this video because Lana was my muse during leaving the Mormon Church. I’m so glad Kendrick Lamar was my muse during my last breakup. That ending was a good summary of what I’m currently doing in IFS therapy. I definitely was holding onto SJW culture because I was being accepted until I went to heal myself. Self care is the best care!