Why Avoidants Treat You Worse When You Matter Most
Alexis Friedlander - The Avoidant Therapist
344 views
Ever had an incredible weekend or an emotionally close moment with someone, only for them to suddenly pull away, pick fights, or break things off days later?
When someone has an avoidant attachment style, emotional closeness registers in their nervous system as a direct threat. In this video, I break down the psychology of avoidant deactivation and the 4 darker behaviors avoidants display when feelings start to get real—plus what you should do whether you want to repair things or move forward.
Take the Free Assessment to make sense of your situation:
https://alexisfriedlander.typeform.co...
Book a 1:1 Consultation with me:
https://calendly.com/alexisfr/wa?utm_...
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What You’ll Learn:
Why closeness triggers nervous system overload in avoidants
The difference between character issues and deactivation
Why "worse treatment" does not mean less love
How to assess actions over words and communicate safely without triggering further defense
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Timestamps:
00:00 - The Sudden Switch: Why Avoidants Pull Away
01:19 - Why Closeness Feels Like a Threat to Avoidants
02:50 - The Science of Deactivation (Mikulincer & Shaver)
04:31 - Behavior 1: Cold After Close
05:23 - Behavior 2: The Criticism Phase (Nitpicking Small Habits)
06:51 - Behavior 3: Picking Fights Out of Nowhere
09:16 - Behavior 4: The "Peak Rug Pull" (Pulling Away After 'I Love You')
10:36 - Worse Treatment Doesn’t Mean Less Love
11:23 - What to Do: Repairing vs. Moving Forward
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If you found this video helpful, make sure to like, comment with your thoughts, and subscribe for more insights into dismissive and fearful avoidant attachment dynamics.
\#AvoidantAttachment \#DismissiveAvoidant \#RelationshipAdvice \#AttachmentTheory \#AvoidantDeactivation
3 Comments
Why go to all the trouble to make plans, confirm those plans and then less than 48 hours cancel it all?
Hard to feel like I ever mattered.
Why Avoidants Treat You Worse When You Matter Most
Alexis Friedlander - The Avoidant Therapist
344 views
Ever had an incredible weekend or an emotionally close moment with someone, only for them to suddenly pull away, pick fights, or break things off days later?
When someone has an avoidant attachment style, emotional closeness registers in their nervous system as a direct threat. In this video, I break down the psychology of avoidant deactivation and the 4 darker behaviors avoidants display when feelings start to get real—plus what you should do whether you want to repair things or move forward.
Take the Free Assessment to make sense of your situation:
https://alexisfriedlander.typeform.co...
Book a 1:1 Consultation with me:
https://calendly.com/alexisfr/wa?utm_...
-----
What You’ll Learn:
Why closeness triggers nervous system overload in avoidants
The difference between character issues and deactivation
Why "worse treatment" does not mean less love
How to assess actions over words and communicate safely without triggering further defense
-----
Timestamps:
00:00 - The Sudden Switch: Why Avoidants Pull Away
01:19 - Why Closeness Feels Like a Threat to Avoidants
02:50 - The Science of Deactivation (Mikulincer & Shaver)
04:31 - Behavior 1: Cold After Close
05:23 - Behavior 2: The Criticism Phase (Nitpicking Small Habits)
06:51 - Behavior 3: Picking Fights Out of Nowhere
09:16 - Behavior 4: The "Peak Rug Pull" (Pulling Away After 'I Love You')
10:36 - Worse Treatment Doesn’t Mean Less Love
11:23 - What to Do: Repairing vs. Moving Forward
-----
If you found this video helpful, make sure to like, comment with your thoughts, and subscribe for more insights into dismissive and fearful avoidant attachment dynamics.
\#AvoidantAttachment \#DismissiveAvoidant \#RelationshipAdvice \#AttachmentTheory \#AvoidantDeactivation