Have you ever felt like life was just a little bit harder than it seemed to be for everyone else and not known why?

This week I'm joined by ‪@elliemidds‬ — author, speaker and neurodiversity advocate, whose brilliant book Unmasked has helped thousands of people better understand what it really means to be autistic or ADHD.

Ellie received her diagnoses as an adult, and in this episode she takes us all the way through that journey — from the stories she told herself before she knew, to the relief of finally having language for her experience, and everything that came after.

What I love about Ellie is how clearly and warmly she explains something that can be genuinely hard to put into words. There is so much in this conversation that I recognised in myself — and I think whether you are neurodivergent, suspect you might be, or simply love someone who is, you will find something here that finally makes sense.

In this episode we explore:
The two stories Ellie told herself before her diagnosis: wasted potential and being deeply unlovable
Why Ellie got her ADHD diagnosis first, and how medication helped her autism "come out from behind the scenes"
The dual experience of late diagnosis: relief and grief at the same time
Why so many women go undiagnosed for years and why the diagnostic criteria was never built for them
Bottom-up processing: the clearest explanation of how an autistic brain actually works
Masking: what it really is, how it shows up, and why it's both a privilege and completely exhausting
Burnout: what it feels like, how to spot it coming, and Ellie's "toxic boyfriend" metaphor
People-pleasing, mimicry and the question of what's actually you vs what you learned to perform
Unmasking: why it's not a fixed destination and why curiosity is better than pressure
Building a life that works with your brain rather than constantly fighting against it
What Ellie wishes she'd known earlier and what she'd want anyone who feels different to hear

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If anything in today's episode brought something up for you, please know you're not alone. You can text SHOUT to 85258 for free, confidential support, any time.

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00:00 Introduction — who is Ellie Middleton?
01:30 The stories Ellie told herself before diagnosis — wasted potential and unlovable
04:00 The England Euros moment that led to diagnosis
07:00 The counsellor who changed everything — "has it ever been looked into why you take things so literally?"
09:00 Getting the ADHD diagnosis first — and what happened next
11:00 The relief of diagnosis — and the grief
13:00 Why autism looks different in women
16:00 Bottom-up processing — how an autistic brain actually works
20:00 The school system and why it doesn't fit
22:00 What masking actually is and how it shows up
26:00 The exhaustion of masking — and the privilege of it
28:00 People-pleasing, mimicry and learning who you actually are
30:00 Unmasking — it's not a fixed destination
32:00 What Ellie has come to accept about herself
35:00 Giving up on wanting it all — and what actually brings happiness
38:00 The diagnosis that changed everything — going viral on LinkedIn two weeks later
41:00 Burnout — what it feels like and Ellie's toxic boyfriend metaphor
44:00 What Ellie would want anyone who feels different to know