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What Postnatal OCD Really Feels Like

Giovanna Fletcher's Happy Mum

34,068 views

TRIGGER WARNING: this episode contains some difficult conversations, including discussions around suicidal thoughts. We know this can be a lot to take in, so please do take care of yourself while listening and know that it's completely okay to step away and come back when you're ready 💛

May is Maternal Mental Health Month, a reminder that keeping the difficult conversations going matters more than ever.

Our guest this week you'll know from iconic films and tv shows such as Fresh Meat, Wild Child, and Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging. But after the birth of her son, Kimberley Nixon found herself in some of the darkest days of her life.

Kimberley opens up to Giovanna about experiencing dark and intrusive thoughts, being diagnosed with postpartum OCD, and why she felt it was so important to share her story.

Kimberley's brilliant new book She Seems Fine To Me is out now.

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20 Comments

@lulusparkles 4 months ago (edited)

is it just me or do Gi and Kimberley look alike?

@Claremariepea 4 months ago

I think this podcast have saved my life ❤ thank you both more than you know

@T28D 2 days ago

Every episode I’m mind blown by how much more there is to know about women, pregnancy, postpartum and beyond my goodness!!

@nikki2970 4 months ago (edited)

As someone who was also diagnosed with Postnatal OCD, Intrusive thoughts, Postnatal Anxiety & Depression - I have never felt so seen ❤

@emmaw9945 4 months ago

I rarely comment on anything online but wow, what a podcast. Kimberly explains everything with such intelligence, emotion, depth.. although I haven’t experienced postpartum ocd I feel like her words are so insightful and moving. I’ve had my fair share of battles with depression and that “I won’t be here so it doesn’t matter” and the absolute relief when you come up with “the plan” resonates so deeply. The host is brilliant, such empathy, and gives Kimberly space and time to share her story without a million interruptions like other podcasts I’ve seen. 10/10 no notes. Thank you for sharing, thank you for raising awareness, wishing you every happiness for you and your families ❤

@annavictoria3103 3 months ago

I can really relate to this. Im awaiting a diagnosis for autism and adhd and i think that would explain a lot as to the reaction habjng a baby has on someone. I fight that thought of feeling like people would be better off without me every day, it is exhausting. I am always in awe of seeing people who have found a way out of that or atleast to have some element of normality. Thank you for opening up as it does carry a lot of shame for the individual but helps to hear youre not the only one. Xx

@laurenkrauth9407 1 month ago

Thank you for being so vulnerable and honest about your experiences. I have postnatal OCD and this makes me feel so much better.

@NateLauren-e8v 3 months ago (edited)

So so glad that you’ve spoken about this. Baby or no baby, intrusive thoughts about hurting others are the absolute worst thing to experience, to have it focussed on the child must be the worst of the worst. It’s crazy how cruel our brains can be. This is the most accurate description of ocd intrusive thoughts I’ve ever heard. The doctors and counsellor I saw had NO IDEA what was going on with me, I also stumbled across something online and had to explain it to them. I’m so sorry you experienced this but I’m so grateful for you being so honest.

@miggerysow 1 month ago

I’m crying watching this, this could be my story. 😢

@kelseysmith3297 2 months ago

Man. I didn't realise this level of terror wasn't normal. Nothing about my pregnancy and birth was normal. And death was just hanging in the air, my mum clung to life to meet my baby. But being at her bedside with him. I needed to be there for both and I was so terrified being there for her would hurt him. All the professionals harped on about SIDS. Death was in the air and I was fighting so hard to do it right. He's doing great. But I didn't comprehend that everyone else wasn't as terrorised by themselves as I was. I thought it was normal.

@shannonpitonyak9771 4 months ago

This was me too unfortunately. Truly pure hell. People don’t get it. Thank you for speaking out ❤

@GeorgiaHiltonturner 4 months ago

Mother of three, my youngest is my 9 month old son.
I’ve suffered with OCD since I was 8 years old. It has levelled up so high since my baby son has been born that I’m now in ERP therapy. This continuous, around the clock fear I have that my baby is going to die has robbed me of fully enjoying my first year of him so far. Podcasts like this sheds a little light into the mind prison I find myself stuck in every day ❤️ we need this type of raw honesty and unfiltered content xX

@Elsieeee-y7u 4 months ago (edited)

As a mother of four young adult sons, it amazes me that there is so little out there, I had never heard of Postnatal OCD. It sounds absolutely horrendous!

Knowledge is power and this podcast will probably save lives.
How brave was Kimberly for speaking out so openly and honestly 🧡

Here we have two brilliant, strong and powerful women, using their platform to help and to educate others - I love this 🧡

As a sidenote: How physically alike are these two gorgeous gals...they look like sisters!

@eclipse-si2vl 4 months ago

Firstly, I adore this podcast. Secondly, I adore Kimberley as an actress, and without even finishing the episode I bought her book. It was worth every.single.penny. I am in awe of you Kimberley, I struggled as a new mum but nowhere near what you experienced. You have my respect, and admiration forever ❤

@lorna2006 4 months ago

I've admired Kimberley as an actress for years but never followed her outside of that and had no idea she went through this until today. How amazingly honest and brave, I've just ordered her book!

@HannahRomeo-w1p 4 months ago

I had this and the guilt you feel is overwhelming. This was incredible. Thank you so much

@LauraNel-Boland 4 months ago

All I wanted to do was reach in and give Kim a hug. What an episode. Thank you for sharing your experience 🩷

@meg56794 4 months ago (edited)

PP OCD over here too and can relate so much never seen someone else articulate how I felt so clearly . All I can say is thank you for sharing . Counselling massively helped but it was just debilitating for the first 8 months my son was here where I couldn’t even boil a pan of water . He’s 3 now and although I still struggle with the intrusive thoughts my compulsions are hugely improved .

@bethenysmart3886 4 months ago

Im autistic too and lockdown was a nightmare for me. I was also working in healthcare at the same time. Im not planning on having children because the idea of something i cant control moving inside me freaks me out.

@phoebemills17 4 months ago

This was amazing and made me feel so seen and so much better about myself ❤️ I’m not a mum but I have this brain and I grew up with a mum with crippling OCD who experienced this so it’s help me understand in 2 ways. Thank you ❤ xx