OpenTube

I Spent 34 Years Wondering Why I Felt Different

Dr Alex George

71,489 views

At 34, I was diagnosed with autism. Six months on, I can honestly say that understanding I am autistic has changed the way I see my entire life.

In this video, I share what led me to have an adult autism assessment, what receiving a late autism diagnosis felt like and why so many experiences now make sense. I talk honestly about autistic meltdowns, sensory overload at airports, my need for routine, difficulties with sudden changes and the impact autism has had on friendships, relationships and work. I also reflect on how alcohol once dulled the sensory overwhelm I was experiencing, and how autism sits alongside my ADHD and OCD.

The diagnosis hasn't made every challenge disappear, but it has helped me understand myself, accept myself and be kinder to myself. If you were diagnosed with autism as an adult, are considering an autism assessment or recognise any of these experiences, I'd love to hear your thoughts and questions. Everyone's experience of autism is different, and this is my personal experience.

Like and subscribe for a new video every Sunday, and let me know in the comments what you would like me to talk about next.

Timestamps:
00:00 - Going to the airport
00:53 - Autism diagnosis
01:44 - Struggling with airports with autism
05:14 - The Figuring it Out Podcast
10:12 - The day I got diagnosed
13:49 - Outro

I speak with workplaces and organisations about mental fitness. If you’d like to find out more, please email Faye at fb@insanity.com.

Check out my new book - Am I Normal? https://tinyurl.com/f78r3bje

Order my book - The Mind Manual
https://tinyurl.com/mt7fhkze

Order my children’s book - A Better Day
https://tinyurl.com/bdeh9vkr

Check out the Figuring It Out podcast
https://linktr.ee/thefiguringitoutpod...

Download The Men's Mental Fitness App - Mettle
https://linktr.ee/mettleapp

12 books that will change your life*

1.⁠ ⁠The Power of Now - Eckhart Tolle https://amzn.to/44mFeB3
2.⁠ ⁠Atomic Habits - James Clear https://amzn.to/4kZpA5C
3.⁠ ⁠The Mind Manual - Dr Alex George (sorry not sorry) https://amzn.to/4k42fOH
4.⁠ ⁠Feel Good Productivity - Ali Abdaal https://amzn.to/4kY13hn
5.⁠ ⁠The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober - Catharine Gray https://amzn.to/3ZMOOM0
6.⁠ ⁠The Chimp Paradox - Professor Steve Peters https://amzn.to/44in4Af
7.⁠ ⁠Attached: Are you Anxious, Avoidant or Secure? - Amir Levine and Rachel Heller https://amzn.to/4kcfCg2
8.⁠ ⁠ADHD Living Without Brakes - Martin Kutscher https://amzn.to/4n9q76m
9.⁠ ⁠The Psychology of Money - Morgan Housel https://amzn.to/4nomr0W
10.⁠ ⁠Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before - Dr Julie Smith https://amzn.to/3ZPe1p7
11.⁠ ⁠And How Does That Make You Feel? - Joshua Fletcher https://amzn.to/468NuHa
12.⁠ ⁠Why We Sleep - Matthew Walker https://amzn.to/4elRENV

*Please note that some of these links are affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission if you make a purchase (at no extra cost to you). Thank you for your support!

20 Comments

@radudeATL 8 days ago

“I love the idea of…” is the entire story of my life.

@Clivestravelandtrains 2 weeks ago

It's neither a ramble nor a monologue, it's a really good thought-provoking self-assesment which I listened to right to the end. Thanks

@lrwiersum 6 days ago

Diagnosed at 65. That was 3 years ago. My ENTIRE life FINALLY explained !! After weeks of shock and grief, I’m now extremely grateful for the diagnosis. I’m able to work with myself much better. I’m happy almost ALL the time now. I take care of myself like it’s my JOB because it is !?

@FLEMNMable 9 days ago

I'm 28, got diagnosed with ASD yesterday. I felt so validated watching this.

@jess6682 7 days ago

so i’m autistic and i find what you said about the airport interesting because i love them. i like that they’re predictable and you know what to do and how you go through an airport and i love that it’s one of the only places where you just are expected to exist and not be Doing something.

@katec9893 4 days ago (edited)

I've not been on holiday for over a decade because I can't stand the way the travel part is organised. The having to get up insanely early, having to wait for hours in an airport, no quiet places to relax or sleep, being around crowds of often noisy strangers, the chance of delays with no control over them, the overcrowded plane and people having too much stuff, the way everyone blocks the aisles when it lands, the lack of plentiful nearby toilets (often there are long walks and queues to find the toilets) and then the whole thing all over again on the way home. I've had meltdowns in airports, train stations and even once on a plane, I just hate the whole thing. If we could teleport then I'd travel a bit more as long as I visited quiet places with minimal humans around. I'm not diagnosed yet but I realised I was probably autistic a few years ago and I'm waiting for the assessment (I've been on the waiting list for years).

@sarahc6154 7 days ago

I really understand what you are saying here. I have autism and I went on holiday a few months ago and found it so challenging. It’s not just the airport experience but also the next 4 days afterwards that I feel so ill. I have been misinterpreted all my life too and it’s challenging.

@ZeeNen_art 10 days ago

I hear you! You're verbalising beautifully what I've been feeling and experiencing throughout my life. AuDHD diagnosed at 45 :thanksdoc:

@MariDangerfield 8 days ago (edited)

Hey Alex! Late diagnosed (last year) woman here and I relate to most of what you're saying. When it comes to sensory struggles, mine are quite different. While I find some of the aspects you mentioned also bother me, the most bothersome part about airports/travel for me are the cold environment of the plane and stressing about not putting something in hand luggage that shouldn't be as I'll get very upset if it gets taken away. I have to wear completely different clothing for air travel just to be warm and comfortable enough for the journey.

@CatherineGriffin-w6x 8 days ago

I found going on a plane in my 40s when late diagnosed ridiculously difficult. Nobody in the airport told me what was happening next. It was all done by staff to me in silence. I felt terrified - with the being patted down and having no idea what was going to happen next. So interesting that you found it hard too Xxx

@tiffany.francisbaker 2 weeks ago

I'm exactly your age and on the waiting list for my autism assessment - thanks for such an insightful video! I always joke that I sound like a teenager when I say this but it just feels like nobody understands me! :)

@Sazkazz 10 days ago

I’m literally sat at an airport listening to this. I’m 46 and got my ASD diagnosis a few months ago. I’m now waiting for my ADHD assessment.

@gbeardy5720 10 days ago

My biggest problem is feeling something is not fair! I don't know what to do about it

@fariesz6786 7 days ago

(content warning for SA and danger to life)

i'm a 45 male. i was "non-diagnosed" with autism in 2007 where the doctor basically said "yeah, it fits, but the diagnosis would do more harm than good.. unless you want to get into Mensa."
that uncertainty and the lack of good information at the time meant i questioned and for a long time rejected the hypothesis.

there were a couple other things that happened over the next decade, including some misdiagnoses that ended up almost costing my life at least twice.

then, in May last year, one night on my train home from a school reunion, i became victim of rape.
i'm not going to excuse what that (allegedly straight) bloke did, or blame myself for it. but: it would not have happened if i hadn't been autistic or if the people who were supposed to help me had offered me training to handle dangerous situations like that. and it wouldn't have happened if i hadn't been taught all my life to suppress my needs (autistic and otherwise, seeing as i also have several health issues) in favour of a world that is bothered by people with support needs.
the assault wasn't even the worst (still bad and inexcusable of course) but what really hurt me was realising that so many people had ignored my needs that i had clearly voiced and just steamrolled me alm through my life, including medical professionals!

i survived. because i was lucky. i'm thankful i did. but how many of us have something remotely similar happening to them and don't?

i have since fully embraced my autism including the aspects of it that need accommodation. i will just grant me reprieve myself and not wait for others' permission or listen to opinions like "you're exaggerating, you don't need that, that makes you look odd."
and feel that i can handle my life so much better because i have a model with actual explanatory power.

i assume non-autistics may think clarity is just a luxury. it's not. clarity can save an autistic person's life!
non-autistic people need to understand and remember that! we deserve clarity!

@TheZanger 3 days ago

For me personally having meltdowns stopped almost completely when I decided I didn’t want to spend any energy on being angry. It didn’t help to be angry or have a meltdown. I can now say that almost 10 years later I manage those meltdowns very well. It does sometimes happen that I feel the stress going up and when possible I just take a break.

@Meadhbh 6 days ago (edited)

Such a a great description of being in an airport. You described it exactly as I experience it, and part of the reason I didn’t renew my passport 😂 it can be hard for late diagnosed adults because people question how you coped with it before. It’s the mental effort of not just experiencing AuDHD but having to constantly explain your internal experience to people who question your experience.

It is monumental how impactful an AuDHD diagnosis is, the more you understand yourself, the more you are aware of things like sensory issues and executive functioning. I didn’t even fully understand the term until recently but once you understand it you can see how much you struggle in all areas of life.

@Crush3dI 1 day ago (edited)

This is the first video about autism that I agree and relate with on so many levels. You spoke about things that I wasn't even aware of but always have done and struggled with just as much as you...

@Wicked1865 5 days ago

Have had a lifelong problem with extreme anxiety that has crippled me and suspected autism. I tried yet another psychologist that started our interaction with little information disclosed with “I’ll be looking for schizophrenia” and when I brought up the reasons I felt I had autism and was seeking testing she said “I don’t understand why you would want to get tested. There are no medications to treat it”. I then tried to explain the “understanding” and was gaslit and labeled “arrogant” because I didn’t let her steamroll me. Once again another damaging exchange with a “healthcare professional”. I am at wits end and am watching my life slip through my fingers. Also my family is losing hope with me. Im fighting so hard, but im tired.

@marcelgil5492 10 days ago (edited)

Hi, I related to everything you shared. one item I wanted to highlight was the lack of support / knowledge by professionals, around addictive behaviours and it's treatment in autism. NA, AA, Smart Recovery - all take a neurotypical approach, be it CBT or introspection and a heavy dependence on relationship building. I believe self-regulation by alcohol,substances, gambling, eating etc. is probably very common in Autistic people.

@steveneardley7541 5 days ago

On being misinterpreted. At grad school, when the government caught the Unabomber, one of my professors told me that there had been talk in the faculty lounge that I was the Unabomber. Since I had been there for years and am very talkative, it definitely hurt my feelings to think they could think that. I had a casual acquaintance tell the police that I may have been a person who wrote a death threat to one of her colleagues. I didn't even KNOW this colleague--well, his first name, and I had shared maybe three sentences with him. The police didn't ever think it was me, but I am certainly aware that I come off as violent. And I'm not. There was a period of my life where I would solicit people's emotional reactions to me. I knew it was socially incredibly awkward, but I just needed to have more of a clue about how people reacted to me. And actually I'm glad I did it.