📺 Watch the full episode here -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mS3bfCt0K88

Not being able to pause an argument and talk about it later is actually a very anxious attachment pattern. People who are here to stay should make you feel secure enough to prioritise your mental peace when needed.

99% of problems in relationships go away if both people can self-reflect objectively and with accountability.

I feel like a lot of arguments are triggered by people when they are physically exhausted and hungry lol getting 8 hours rest usually is the argument solver

The 4 Horsemen Of The Apocalypse:
1) Defensive (?)
2) Criticizing
3) Stonewalling
4) Contempt

Rolling of the eyes is a sign of contempt.

Man, I’ll be honest, I was guilty of at least 3 of these in my last relationship. I didn’t put enough self respect on the table to tell her what I wanted, and I let it fester into contempt. Don’t let yourself get rolled over, and keep your core values intact. Mine felt like they were getting dismissed right out of the gate.

It is very interesting that contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling, and being critical, are all narcissistic traits. Good luck.

What an amazing couple and I love their wisdom. Very realistic and respectful.

Stonewalling is also used as control.  It leaves the conflict or argument between the couple "suspended " with no resolution because that's the stonewallers intent...

“Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.”
Ephesians 4

The Apostle Paul was addressing the church in Ephesus about what unity in the church looked like.

Notice that the text does not say, resolve your problems and issues before you go to bed. That is a popular interpretation that was adopted and taught repeatedly without much examination. When we look at the Bible as a whole, it’s pointing to other scriptures like Psalm 37:8.
This gives us clarity. It’s an invitation not to let your anger go unnoticed, overlooked, or unchecked. It is a reminder that anger can be destructive to us and to others we are in relationship with. Anger can prevent us from coming to conflicts with a clear head and the tools necessary to actually resolve the issue at hand.

The Bible teaches us, later in that same book (Ephesians) about love and respect as a priority in marriage. Pausing/taking a break is necessary in times when we are flooded. That will give us the opportunity to cool off and hopefully have a conversation that’s productive and constructive.

That is what the Bible teaches.

Hope that makes sense.

BOTH PEOPLE NEED TO CONCENTRATE ON PROBLEM SOLVING  BECAUSE THIS IS THE ONLY KEY FOR A LONG LASTING RELATIONSHIP ….WHAT YOUR GUESTS ARE ACTUALLY SAYING IS …..PARTNERSHIP , KINDNESS , FRIENDSHIP .

Sometimes what looks like eye rolling is exasperation at your attempts to express your needs and the other person being in contempt of you. I get called on eye rolling after hours of me trying to create connection or work on an issue and the person just continually trying to defeat me by attacking me and not listening to what I am trying to say . I’m exasperated, I’m the one trying so it’s not eye rolling .

3 of my favourite presenters of podcasts

when i take a break i dont do other things. i turn my eyes inward and really try to understand what i am reacting to within myself. then when i come to an understanding of what the real issue is within myself that i am truelly reacting to is the moment i can properly articulate it and thats when magic happens. if i dont understand it myself how the hell am i supposed to express it to someone else, right? going on 23 years rock solid. we went to the gottman retreat about 10/15 years ago and there were some good little nuggets in there if a person is really willing to learn. woman seem to be on a different spectrum then that. for us i have to really put myself in listening mode and take a journey with her to get to what she is really reacting too. its taken me many years to get good at taking off the mr fix it hat and put myself in that mode. again when i nail it, literal magic happens.

Anyone here who thinks it might be their fault rather than that of their partner

My life.. wife has zero self control goes uncontrolled over the smallest of things, this means I have zero interest in getting into any arguments or even serious discussion, so I don’t communicate when she harms me (disrespectful, emasculated, etc). So contempt breeds.

I’m a woman who has taken the stone wall approach

And what about when your partner loves to throw the blanket statements "You always"? Kinda makes one feel like they don't deserve being with that partner since I'm always this and that.

i feel communication and care solves most of the problems, if it’s not there, then there is no saving any relationship.