OpenTube

Why You're Losing YEARS of Your Life (The Autistic Waiting Room)

Auticate with Chris & Debby

311,134 views

Ever felt like you're losing years of your life... but you can't figure out where they're going? This is common for a lot of late-diagnosed autistic and AuDHD adults. So how do you stop waiting for things to get better and actually start improving your autistic life?

START HERE: 🎁 Free Autistic Road Map
Use this guide to start exploring your unique brain. It's a simple guide to start examining the traits and behaviors of autism in your own context.
🔗 Link: https://www.auticate.com/autistic-roa...

👥 JOIN OUR COMMUNITY: Auticate was designed to support neurodivergent minds by people who understand the AuDHD and ASD experience. We've lived it. Our members support each other with compassion and empathy. We all learn together and help each other.
🔗 Link: https://www.auticate.com/membership

🚨 RESOURCES & RECOMMENDATIONS

STIMMING & REGULATION 👐🏻
• Nee Doh Nice Cubes: https://amzn.to/3RkRsoA -- "The BEST fidget gadget of all" - Chris
• Chongker (weighted red panda plushy - 15% + free shipping - code Deb15): https://bit.ly/4kCvuIE
• Ono Roller (10% off using direct link or code CHRISANDDEBBY): https://endlss.io/sl/ono/auticate
• Bearaby (weighted blankets):
Chris loves this blanket because it doesn't make noise like the bead-filled ones do. And it's super cuddly! https://bearaby-us.pxf.io/3kA2Ky

Sensory Items 🕶️ 🎧
• Soundcore Noise Canceling Headphones: https://amzn.to/3LMkWIn
• Bose Noise Canceling Headphones: https://amzn.to/3tegj3t

IN THIS VIDEO, YOU’LL LEARN:
• What happens while you're waiting for things to improve.
• What are the hidden costs of waiting?
• Why borrowing energy from the future makes you fall behind.
• How to stay out of the Autistic Waiting Room

TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 Where's All This Time Going?
00:53 #1 Waiting for Life to Start
02:39 #2 The Hidden Costs Nobody Counts
04:51 #3 When the Bill Finally Arrives
07:12 A Tool That Helps
07:34 #4 Getting Your Years Back
09:37 How to Get Out of This Cycle

❗️NOTE: No video (or YouTuber through a video) can diagnose you with autism. Videos on our channel are meant purely for educational understanding and support of neurodivergent minds.

🔔 Subscribe for more videos about autistic & ADHD adults

📥 Join our email list: https://www.auticate.com/join-us

👇 Comment below — what part of this video hit hardest?

#autismawareness #actuallyautistic #autismsupport #autisticadult #autisticcommunity

20 Comments

@Marie-n3c-q8d 1 month ago

The best statement....stop trying to be a person who tolerates everything.

@denisecorzette1676 1 month ago

70 and feeling like I lost my entire life due to this. No official diagnosis, at my age don't feel it's necessary, but this is how my life was.

@autistictomatoes 1 month ago

Haning out with friends is 'social', goint to the doctor is 'social', Going to the store is 'social', living with roomates or a partner is 'social'. Everything we autistics do just trying to live a life is 'social', for the most part. Managing said 'social' interactions really does help with that energy store.

@Ebony4Ever 1 month ago

I can only do 1 thing each day. It can be : buy fruit. And that's it for that day. I worked for 30 years in emergency services and successfully. Then I crashed big time from years of anxiety. I did my job super well but then could not manage my own life. At 60, I am finally free to be simply wired differently.

@commanderrazor 1 month ago (edited)

What also adds to this pressure is the fact that society at large absolutely lionizes and even fetishizes the concept of "willpower".
The utterly toxic idea that everything worthwhile requires grinding and "that's just how life is, everyday is a struggle, get used to it".
That smashing one's face into walls indefinitely in hopes of eventually possibly perhaps making a crack in that wall is the rule of life.
That is held up as virtue, a reflection of the strength society deems "good" thus everyone is expected to abide and uphold.
Someone going "Wait, no, this is needless suffering. There are X, Y, and Z ways to do things more efficiently, more compassionately, and more rationally" is often treated as "unrealistic", "wishful thinking", or "immature".
Basically a kind of "neurotypical realism" in a similar vein as capitalist realism.

@jenniek4617 1 month ago

I didn’t realise there was any way other than just trying to make it through the day. I’m 62.

@SebMidnight 1 month ago

I was going to therapy cause everything was so hard and they told me I had Major Depressive Disorder. A therapist asked me if I loved myself, which I had really been working on. I was like, yeah, I think I do, I just have some flaws that really frustrate me and I want to work on those things. So therapist asked me to make a list of the things I didn't like about myself, things that maybe I even hated about myself. My list had things like "laziness" "procrastination" "disorganization" "hypersensitive" "give up too easy, and can't push through discomfort". Finding out those aren't flaws, but the way I had been taught to frame my autistic traits, and also, btw, turns out I'm autistic, absolutely changed everything.

@gloom5031 1 month ago (edited)

I have lost 15 years to this, don't be like me. Environment is so SO important. You can't willpower your way through this. Start small, we are great at analyzing things. Write a list of small things that will help your battery not drain as fast. You will find after making many small changes. Life itself becomes easier. :) Good luck out there guys and remember to be kind to yourself.

@glitchard3685 1 month ago

Im not waiting for life to start. Ive given up on it.

Now that doesn't mean that I live in despair, sorrow, and emptiness. But that does mean I've stopped chasing things that were never meant for me to begin with.

@wizardlily 1 month ago

Something to be said about living the quiet life and slowing down. I started making adjustments like the one's you suggested. What a difference it has made. I used to feel bad about not doing enough. Turns out, I was doing more than I needed to do.

@AutismDominant 1 month ago

This really resonates. Since my diagnosis, I’ve realised how much of my life was spent just trying to get through the day rather than actually living it. It’s strange looking back and wondering where all those years went. Has anyone else had that realisation after being diagnosed? 😭

@josefschiltz2192 1 month ago

I am doing now, at the age of 64, what I should have been doing at 24. Being myself for myself, not 'performing' for others.

@GenXPuertoRicanGramma 1 month ago

Tack on the time lost due to being undiagnosed.

@Felinius 1 month ago

I grew up in a household where rest was considered a privilege to be earned (but never received) and “powering through” was what was expected. And Jesus I’m paying for it.

@TuxedoGin90 1 month ago

We NEED to normalize siesta time. That time after lunch and before dinnertime is crucial to either take a well needed nap, or have long hot shower or bath, or just to do absolutely nothing. I do my very much needed naps right after my work is done.☺️

@RaveNinja1401 1 month ago

So, in summary, it's an energy management problem, and there's a faster depletion of energy in autistic people because in addition to the main activity there's masking, decoding and enduring background stimuli (the doctor's appointment is an egregious one, you need to rehase what questions you're going to ask, what symptoms bring up, make yourself clear, the hospital/clinic can be an stresful place, and THEN digest the doctor's directions), not everybody has the same 24 hours, some individuals spend theirs replenishing a battery that drains faster, and borrowing power from the next day to push through only leads to burnout.

So yeah, look at the activities that drain you the most, ask yourself what is it about them that drains you, and behold, that's where the leaks are at and now that you know you can do something about them. Your energy is precious, because you only have so much daily, and could be allocated in the things you trully look forward to.

@EliseSecond 1 month ago

Yes, yes, yes! I recognize the whole 'a 30 minuten appointment isn't a 30 minute appointment' I'll be busy at 9am with the appointment at 11:30am. I feel so stupid about this. I'll calculate how long before the appointment I'll need to leave and how much time I need to prepare to go and then I'll know how much time I have left and then nothing. I still get stuck (sometimes i calculate 4-5 different scennrario's and how much time I have left). Even if I do something, like working my job at home, I'll be distracted. This is why I dislike therapy and other help, because it has to be planned after work, which makes is a huge burden to me. And I'm already half burned out on my job, even tho I only work 32 hours 😭
I feel so much shame about not being able to function normally.

@caffeinatedbee9554 1 month ago

I am a school teacher. I love it. I love it so so much. But it is exhausting as an autistic person. So in the morning I don’t talk to people, after school I lay on the floor for 5-15 min. And then when I get home I nap for an hour. Sometimes I still burn out because of the questions, social requirements, but it’s worth it for me. I used to think my needed quiet time was silly, and I was told I’d grow out of it-but now that I know I’m autistic it has become a sacred space for me.

@airo30 1 month ago

It isn’t necessarily all my fault.

People kept telling me I was lazy until I eventually came to believe it myself – and then I was trapped...

@keeleyProwse 1 month ago

It's a cliche but accepting the reality of something always seems to be the first step in dealing with it. I've been fighing my diagnosis for years, trying to be another person