OpenTube

The One Thing You're Saying That Keeps You Stuck

The Holistic Psychologist

20,466 views

Start your healing process by practicing emotional awareness. Learn how identifying absolute language can change your mental patterns.

Dr. Nicole LePera explains why your daily vocabulary often holds the key to personal growth. If you find yourself using words like always, never, or everyone, you might be trapping yourself in limiting beliefs. This video breaks down how to catch these absolute statements in real-time, helping you reclaim control over your internal narrative.

Understanding these linguistic patterns is a foundational step in any holistic psychology practice. By paying attention to the specific words you choose, you can begin to shift your perspective and break free from rigid thought cycles. This approach is designed for anyone looking to bring more intentionality to their inner dialogue and foster genuine self-growth.

Subscribe for weekly mental health breakdowns, and comment below with which habit you are working to change this month.

What you'll learn:

•Why absolute language like "always" and "never" locks you into limiting beliefs
•How black-and-white thinking fuels emotional reactivity — and what to do instead
•The connection between your internal narrative and your nervous system's survival response
•How to pause, get specific, and shift from extreme language to "both/and" thinking
•Healing questions that help you break rigid thought cycles and reclaim your inner dialogue

📖 Order my Books: https://bit.ly/4eEwD1o
🔒: Join my private SelfHealers Circle community spaces are limited:
ENROLL now: https://bit.ly/4ej0DB9
🎁 Get my FREE Relationship Future Self Journal: https://theholisticpsychologist.com/r...

Key Points:

0:00 The Absolute Words Destroying Your Mindset
0:12 Stop letting emotions control your life
0:41 Black and White thinking
1:10 Not reacting to reality
1:38 Thoughts feed emotions
1:57 The language of extremes
3:07 Emotionally reactive people
3:33 Why the brain does this
4:20 Nervous system defense
4:52 Illusion of safety
5:30 Chronic survival mode
5:47 Awareness
6:30 Story attached to feeling
6:43 Pause & get specific
7:11 Speak differently
7:38 Both/And thinking
8:59 Emotional cycles
9:55 Accountability
10:20 Healing questions
11:40 Reflection

📲 Let's stay connected:
Instagram ➤ / the.holistic.psychologist
TikTok ➤ / theholisticpsychologist
Facebook ➤ / theholisticpsychologist
X ➤ / Theholisticpsyc

#theholisticpsychologist #emotionalintelligence #innerhealing #limitingbeliefs #emotionalhealing

20 Comments

@ignatiaradebe3326 3 months ago

We are learning to unlearn

@rubenkindermann1868 3 months ago

These videos should be classes in primary or secondary school.

@80sbaby311-o 3 months ago

One of the best habits I’ve picked up from a friend is pausing when we hear each other use harsh or all-or-nothing language. If one of us says something like, “I’m so stupid,” or “I always mess everything up,” the other one will say, “Nope. Rephrase.” lol It sounds small, but it really does train your brain over time. Now I catch myself doing it in my own head too. Language matters, especially the language we use on ourselves.

@Yvette.T 3 months ago (edited)

One of my numerous black and white thoughts is taking everything personally..."they're angry at me, I did something wrong, I've upset them, they don't like me"... I'm slowly learning to change that language in my head. It's difficult, and such an instant reaction, but I'm trying every day 😊 Thank you, Nicole ❤

@healbydesigns 3 months ago

It's the feeling of shame that I feel when someone questions my way of seeing things or says I disagree and refutes with the way they see it without acknowledging my view.

@brightphoebusuploads 3 months ago

Worthlessness is my main repeating emotional trigger. I'm trying to remind myself that my reaction stems from my Dad's treatment of me, and is not how I'm being treated in the present. Because it often feels like the worthlessnesss is coming from everywhere and everyone, because if my Dad thought so, everyone must think so, and it's hard to handle life sometimes. I work physically so hard, to prove I have worth. I need to make things people can see, and say, "She did that."

@alanaigbe7040 2 months ago

I had an argument with a friend recently, and I noticed we were both defensive and reactive. I paused and told myself, "What are our wants right now in their barest form?" Instead of focusing on the overall argument and our emotions, I broke it down into: my friend wants to help and I want to be heard. It was much easier to work out the situation once my mind took me into that realm of thinking. I found this video at the right time. I sometimes think in the extremes and take a lot of situations personally. I have a lot of unlearning to do, and a lot of self forgiveness too.

@stevejohnson3316 2 months ago

The way you made me, my authentic scarred and scared inner child / person, feel seen was terrifying but I stayed because I trust what you have to say. Imagine my elation at hearing "feeling grief and relief" because that's exactly what I've felt but only thru deep therapy and emdr. Thank you for presenting life changing opportunities in an easy to recognize and absorb format. Bravo! Thank you!

@heatherw7496 3 months ago

I really needed this. I am stuck in a pattern. It's not only not working for me, I think at this point it is pushing people away that I don't want to push away.

@Jtz808 3 months ago

Can you do a video of people who make you suffer because of this type of thinking? It's highly exhausting.

@JenXBeauty 3 months ago

God bless you, Dr. Nicole. ❤Thank You for helping us. You give words to that which I cannot speak, yet. Love from Dallas

@brightphoebusuploads 3 months ago

I totally blew up over the phone at the manager of a photo print shop the other day, when he and his employee said I could not have my photos by mail, when I thought I had placed a mail order online. They treated me like I was stupid for thinking they did mail order, and they both refused to send them and refused to refund me, basically insisting I drive there (1.5 hrs away) to get them, $45. in gas. I felt tricked, robbed, ridiculed, and denied the content of the photos, a reminder that I am loved, photos of my child and pets. I had an emotional breakdown after the call. The manager did not use proper de-escalation procedure to calm an irate customer, which further made me feel disrespected and worthless. So sad. : (

@ELLA888 3 months ago

Thank you so much Nicole 😊❤🤗💐

@ScottMarshallscotbot 3 months ago

Its my hope more and more people begin to know this and practice

@asthanachrani 3 months ago (edited)

I ended up here via my mailbox. And I am so happy that I have found you, your books and have been able to listen to you breaking down these complex thinking patterns for us, who might not even be recognising sometimes what we might be feeling or going through.

By watching this video, I took a pause and reflected on what heavy emotions I had felt recently and what was my response to it. And was it as honest as I could get?

Thankyou for bringing more awareness into our lives.

@mscatnipper2359 3 months ago

The way i find that nuance of reality is to repeatedly ask myself "Is it true?" The answers come in layers until I reach the one that feels real and creates calm and acceptance.

@stephaniekalck1092 3 months ago

Very timely video for me. Thank you for this valuable information.

@TypicalTypkerz 3 months ago

Youve been a mentor for me over the last 6 years. I have your first 3 books. I really appreciate you! This was another very insightful video.

@sarahjmount9221 3 months ago

The pattern I hear over and over no matter what the situation is “I’m a POS and don’t matter.” It always comes down to that. A trigger I can attempt to change my emotional response to is when someone doesn’t respond to my text or phone call right away - I can stop imagining that I don’t matter to them.