“Almost 70 Year Old Man Lives Out Murder Fantasies Because He Was Too Scared to Join the Military”

Steven Segal's speech makes me understand how English sounds to non native speakers. Amazing

Steven Seagal bringing an entire fucking Katana with him on a Spec-Ops mission has to be the most blatant example of a self-insert, edgy "tough guy" I've ever witnessed in my life.

Why is Steven always doing a half whisper? He sounds like a doctor writing a prescription.

I love how Seagal constantly sounds like he's on his deathbed delivering his final words.

Segal saying “fuck you, bitch”, as breathlessly as I’ve ever heard anyone say anything, is the laugh I needed tonight

He always sounds like he’s running out of breath- or, well, I guess sitting out of breath

I love how Steven Seagal needs a body double even for sitting down scenes.

Someday someone’s gonna write the great American novel and the first sentence is gonna be: He was born at night on a turnip truck.

He needs two watches on each arm for the time zone difference across his body

He sounds like it's a chore for him to talk.

Good lord, the South Park parody was super accurate when they make fun of how poorly he handles the gun

I feel like he's going for a "too cool to deal with the villain" persona but instead it just comes across as "too exhausted to deal with the villain".

Steven feels like an AI based character when you type in the characteristics "fight" "martial arts" "fat" and "god complex"

I love that he mixes up "I wasn't born yesterday" and "I didn't just fall off a turnip truck"

So that line about being born on a turnip truck is a severe butchering of an old idiom, "just fell off the turnip truck". It means the same thing as saying someone was born yesterday (naive easily fooled etc) but more popular in rural areas.

Now how the hell he turned that into "I wasn't born on a turnip truck" I have no idea.

Ralph in 30 years at Steven Seagal's funereal;
"He was indeed a good man;He put my kids through college, thanks for the views Steven."

19:50 they didnt need a body double because of the action, they needed a body double because Seagall was confused at the concept of not hitting the woman

The devil works hard, but Steven segals body double works harder.

I can imagine Steven reciting the navy seal copypasta.