I will never stop being nice and kind because someone can't regulate their emotions.

We have to meet their need? What about ours? One way street

I’m not changing the nice person I am…so the avoidant can take a long run off a short pier…I’m done 👍

It is NOT our responsibility to do all this work. It is our CHOICE btw.

As "the anxious one" I feel so sorry seeiing all the anxious partners putting in so much work for their avoidants. I wish all this burden leaves you.

Take away not only from this video but also from others on trying to accommodate avoidants is that you have to twist yourself in knots, bend backwards and completely change your natural communication habits in order to accommodate THEM. Otherwise they withdraw and revert to their usual shitty antics. No thanks! If they can’t handle the authentic me, then I’m better off without them

A lot of hassle for boring people once you figure them out...
ONCE you get back your avoidant, they are the MOST BORING PEOPLE OUT THERE! FML, I thought they were interesting when they left, but no.. they left because they are boring AF and they were afraid to be seen.

It's not that they don't know how to respond, they don't want to reciprocate. They'll take, take, take. Just don't expect anything back.

You're not anxious. You're normal. Stop wasting your time and energy on emotional vampires. Walk away and you open the space for someone normal to walk into.

To the "anxious" labelled ones, you're normal btw. And remember avoidants will never (mostly) put in a fraction of this much of work on you, ever. So weigh your efforts and cut your losses, don't fall into sunk-cost fallacy.

I’m sorry, but the more content I consume about this, the more I want to avoid being with an avoidant partner. As someone with an anxious attachment style, I’ve given my ex space and stopped asking for things they claimed were “controlling,” even though I was simply being concerned and caring.

It does upset me how often avoidants are vilified on social media, but the truth is that relationships are hard. They only work if both people genuinely want to work on them. Otherwise, it feels like being stuck in a dark, never-ending tunnel.

If you are with an anxious OR avoidant partner and they are not willing to work on themselves, you are wasting your time and energy.

Yeah...I was too nice...and he chose to leave! Great!

In other words, Have Boundaries when dealing with Avoidants.   And be reeady to walk away.

What I found with the avoidant man I love(d) is that he is unwilling to have any clear conversation  about anything. He wanted to keep everything vague and ambiguous. It’s impossible to build a relationship with a person like that. I tried for 8 years and recently had to walk away. It was just not possible to ever work through any issues or even reach agreement on anything because we couldn’t have an open conversation. It is heartbreaking to have to walk away from someone you love, but sometimes one partner refuses to cooperate and in this case there is no path forward.

whats really disgusting is when you are nice but also asking them for things in return, only for them to turn it around and blame you for giving too much when they can't give anything back....but they also refusing to do any of the things you ask of them.

So you, as a former avoidant, give suggestions to anxious people on how to understand and, in a way, adapt to avoidant partners, essentially encouraging them to become strong and secure for both partners?
Isn't that an implicit way to keep treating avoidants as children, which they emotionally are to a varying degree? I am saying that as someone who isn't avoidant, but I do recognize streams of what you're talking about within myself.
Isn't it more logical/effective to use your personal experience and convey a healing message directly to avoidants, instead of making the world revolve around their wound?

This is so much work, and to get so little back from them. Honestly, avoidants are worth all this when there are people who are actually willing to be reliable, stable, loving partners.

Genuine kindness does not come with expectation.  If it does come with expectation, then it is not genuine, but manipulation.❤

Sooooooo you can't be too nice and you can't be too harsh 😂😂😂😂😂. HIGH-LARIOUS 😂😂😂😂😂😂. The truth is just be yourself. If the avoidant can deal with it , they will stay. If they can't they leave and you don't have to worry. Either way it is a win-win.