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How to Save Your Marriage in Four Months [The Exact Sequence You Must Follow]

Monika Hoyt

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Everyone asks me: How can you help couples transform their entire marriage—even if they've been stuck in the same patterns for 20 plus years—in just 14 weeks? And the answer is: There's a specific method. A specific sequence you have to follow. Like a recipe, things have to go in the right order or the whole thing fails.

And here's why this matters right now: Most couples are trying to "communicate better" while their nervous system is still wired for war. They're using conscious willpower—"I'm going to stay calm this time, I'm going to use an I-statement"—to override subconscious programs that are literally ten million times more powerful than their conscious mind.
No wonder it doesn't stick.

If you've tried couples therapy, if you've read the books, if you know exactly what you're supposed to do but when you're triggered you still can't do it—this is why.

So for this talk today, you're going to see the exact process system I use inside Couple's Cure to take couples from the brink of divorce to feeling like they're on the same team again. And more importantly, you're going to understand why the order matters.

Monika Hoyt, LICSW | Monika Hoyt helps couples and individuals whose marriages are on the brink transform their relationships from the inside-out. She focuses on changing limiting beliefs, building emotional connection, and getting on the same team for life.

This channel covers topics like how to trust in a relationship, how to deal with narcissistic personality disorder or emotional abuse in relationships, and how to prevent divorce.

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Website: https://monikahoyt.com
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18 Comments

@MonikaHoyt Creator 4 months ago Pinned

For a deeper dive on how to transform your marriage, watch my masterclass here: https://workshop.monikahoyt.com/masterclass

@danielnegrea7852 6 months ago

the subconscious mind processes one million times more information than the conscious mind and no 10 million

@randallnelson1215 6 months ago

I'm working while listening to this I'm definitely going to listen to it again, ty.

@Britt-i6w 6 months ago

Emily work hard. Sounds like you have waited to longs. Been married 48 yrs. Don’t give up!!! Good luck!

@Jihye10 1 month ago

26:00

@johnluta4338 6 months ago

Great stuff.

@stevenmuir7082 4 months ago

My parter is suffering from depression (postnatal) and is putting the relationship as the biggest factor to why she feels like she does. There is repair work to be done and I’m here to work on that but she now wants to move out with our daughter to get herself out of the “pit” that she’s in, to use her words. In this situation, she said she can’t heal. She won’t get help other than tablets, but she’s missed her reviews for her meds too, which I’ve been trying to encourage her to go to. She said she doesn’t know how to work on us trying to reconnect and said there aren’t any positives to it, but that I’m more than enough for her and I’m the best person she’s met. This is hard

@MonikaHoyt Creator 7 months ago

Book a call with me personally here: monikahoyt.com/session OR book a free call with my team: monikahoyt.com/talk

@DaveGilbert-mc6hl 7 months ago

Regular readers of the comments on Monika's excellent videos will know I'm a great fan. That noted, I'm not sure I agree with her interpretation of the brain science. There is no doubt that the majority of information processing in the brain goes on without the owner's conscious awareness. However, I don't think it's a million to one, unaware to aware info prcessing with respect to behaviour. You see, the vast majority of unaware processing is to do with, say, colour perception, movement perception, sound perception, olefactory processing and the like. Then, there are the processes to do with integrating all of the same. It is true, of course, that how we interpret the outcome of said unaware information processing is dependent on the meaning we have unconciously given it over the course of our experience (conditioning or the programming Monika spoke of). I'm not sure that anyone knows, however, the percentage of the unaware processing that is given over to conditioning (operant or classical), so we can't really know that the subconcious brain processes the information that determines our behaviour or responses to environmental stimuli by an order of a millions to one. Who knows?

@Montanan406 3 months ago

Is there something I can do because I don't wanna divorce

@MR-ys4ui 7 months ago

Don’t get the different between the "goal" and "vision"... seems the same thing

@MR-ys4ui 7 months ago

...so when you explain to your partner what the trigger is, what it means for you and how it makes you feel, and what you would like to change... and they go "no, I'm not doing that" -- then what?

@dannyphantom7757 8 months ago

Is there any way to get a avoidant spouse that doesn’t want to get any counseling and just wants to be done to consent to your program?

@mikemccormick8398 8 months ago

I like everything you are saying. It makes so much sense and I think it could really help our marriage. My only question. Is, how much would it cost to invest in your program

@rey8799 5 months ago

Would this even work if spouse have been separated, living apart for 4 months and in the divorce process?

@emilywilson4943 7 months ago

I’m the betrayer and I’m the one reading all of the books and doing all of the work. I’m 100% emotionally shut off and have been for a few years now. But I’ve gone to Therapy. I’ve learned boundaries I’ve healed what I thought was the problem. Which was not sexual betrayal, but a behavioral addiction. What happens after he wants to still give up after that?

@Montanan406 3 months ago

My wife just told me today that she wants divorce😢😢😢😢😢😢😢

@emilywilson4943 8 months ago

What kind of couples therapist would you suggest we try then? I don’t know how to heal without a third party. But I don’t know if he’s willing to go to therapy. I feel like I’m the only one trying to save this marriage. There is a history of compulsions/addictions on my side of the equation. He thinks we are too far gone. I want to save this marriage. We’ve done couples counseling before and they let us fight for 12 straight sessions. So if we do it again, then that’s it. He wouldn’t do it again. Any suggestions??