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You don’t see the red flags because your emotional attachment and empathy, the basics of human belonging and important relationship skills, are being weaponized against you. You could be the most liberated person and still be emotionally manipulated into situationships.

"women arent mindless they can leave if they want" these guys dont understand what the word coercion even means

I stayed in my situationship for 4.5 years. In the first two weeks, my parents heard him yelling at me on the phone during a disagreement (they were in the next room and he was not on speaker) and said he was abusing me. I thought they were joking/being dramatic smh.

This one was packed with fire and wisdom.

People often end up in that kind of situationship because they're desperate, that includes the abusive party, because like bro why are you lying, everyone deserves to be in a relationship where they feel safe and listened to.

If your current counterpart can't give you that, it's definitely time to end things. A partner has access to the most vulnerable parts of yourself may it be your body or your mind, a liar has no place there.

And there's nothing new under the sun even if it has to be repeated this archetype of relationship has been around for a long time, so folks arm yourself with the knowledge of your community, may it be gossip or advice from other's past experiences to avoid one.

To be young and confident, loud and so so wrong 😅

I managed to get wrapped in a situationship even as a poly person, and it escalated into full blown abuse for about a year.
It was very intentional.

I've also been in a situationship with a man who wasn't able to recognize that's what they were doing.

That one was also really hard because their intent wasn't malicious but the impact was about the same. They just naturally breadcrumbed.

Both terrible experiences I do not recommend.
You're 100% correct about the free will aspect of it. No matter how much you can know something intellectually that doesn't always mean you can make a better choice. That's the worst part.

Dont touch the stove on this one, if you can help it. Learn from others.

"Women have the autonomy to leave whenever they want" They do, but purposefully leading them on with something you don't intend to give them does violate their autonomy

Literally I end relationships if I feel even the slightest hint of it not being good for the other person, like I don’t want monogamy but I cannot fathom stringing someone along

As a man I was in a situationship with a woman a few years ago. I desperately wanted us to be official but she always told me she just wasn't sure. We acted like a couple when we were alone and did all of the things you would expect, but when our friends were around, it was like we barely knew each other. It tore me apart and I spent so much time and energy wondering why I wasn't good enough for her to choose me openly.

In short, even though I was getting time and intimacy with her that I cherished, it was still devastating, especially so after she fully cut it off. I was messed up from it for years and the scars are still there even in my current relationship

I’ve read ‘the ethical slut’ and that book opened my eyes! I was in several situationships in my late 20s & early 30s and I was taken advantage of, period. Every time I tried to leave or end things, he would love bomb, gaslight, manipulate, etc. just to keep access. I’ve gone to therapy, started my healing journey and situationships are an automatic NO. It’s either all or nothing. At 38, I’m grateful for putting me first. You’ve drop some great gems 💎 in this video and I hope the younger women take note. Thank you! ❤

I never understood men like this. If you just want casual sex with no relationship, why trick women into thinking you want romance? There are plenty of people of all genders wanting casual sex and seeking exactly that. Why not just actively seek out those people?
It just sounds like unnecessary extra work to pretend to want something you dont actually want

Idk maybe its my autism, but it sounds like it sucks from all perspectives

I don’t go to church but I would listen to you every Sunday.

I’m not a woman I’m a gay man, I’ve been watching you for over a month now. You have made me think a lot about when it even needs to be a man and just how much I have to deconstruct that it’s a journey. I appreciate what you do that you provide this environment for growth

This is giving me awful flashbacks to my 20s. Millennial women were constantly told men were biologically wired for casual sex while women were hardwired to get attached. It became an easy way to call women “needy” for expecting basic respect.

I can have casual sex without catching feelings. What I can’t do is be someone’s girlfriend in every way except name, then get “put in my place” when accountability comes up.

I had an ex who slept beside me, cuddled me, introduced me to his family and expected fidelity, but then called me his “friend” when it studied him. He claimed we’d never been official after eight months. Every guy I dated who did this was emotionally abusive because this behavior is rooted in power dynamics and control. There’s a pattern. The rules and boundaries of dating and situationships make no real sense because they're generally applied by whoever has the most power and according to what suits them. (I'm autistic, so dealing with this was incredibly stressful.)

That’s my issue with situationships: some people want all the intimacy and loyalty of a relationship with none of the responsibility and mutual respect.

People these days have such communication issues they will ghost a friend of 10 years over a minor disagreement. Hardly anyone is well versed enough in the skill to be able to negotiate the terms of a healthy relationship, especially an unconventional one. It's also why things like BDSM remain wildly misunderstood by the masses, a lot of people are baffled by the idea of negotiating and communicating with a partner. People always tell me they're surprised by how "mature" I am when it comes to admitting my own fault after an arguement etc. but I'm not mature, I'm just autistic and I don't play this social hide-and-seek, I just say it how it is on my side.

I also believe in the “remember human!”  Meaning that we should be nice to each other because we are human

this is interesting! i'm realizing that i may have had an unusual understanding of the word "situationship" lol. i kind of assumed it was people mutually not wanting to define things or commit yet/ever. which could still be problematic for those in it, but VERY different from a person knowingly not committing to (but still being physically involved with) someone who wants more.

edit: lol the autistic person's video made it all make sense to me. i am also autistic and i see the mistake i made 😂

One thing I never expected when my partner and I opened our relationship was the possibility of ending up in a toxic relationship after spending years solely in a healthy one, and not knowing what to do. I felt like I had no defenses to it, and it took a while to see until my partner told me "hey I've noticed you're crying a lot lately, is it because of [the new person]?". I'm really fortunate they noticed and I was able to see what was happening, I'm honestly not sure I would have cut things off when I did if I'd been single up to that point.

I do think the first girl was ragebaiting a bit, i get it though, it farms engagement, by seemingly saying that any form of a situationship is abuse, which a lot of people find offense, because they most likely have been in one. The issue is that people just stop listening and failed to hear the actual message, which is not outrageous at all. I assume she knows what she is doing. Yeah great people are engaging with the content, but for all the wrong reasons.

i completely understand her points, your points, and what type of relationship she was speaking about without needed her to specify, but i think the conversation reaches more ears in a constructive way when it’s not gendered at the forefront of the conversation and includes the nuanced framing of a situationship. people love to jump to conclusions and because the algorithms need to incite anger to boost engagement without the right nuanced audience watching, it ends up being much more difficult to have the conversation. i think framing it that way can end up putting more people (young or just inexperienced) at risk when just men are seen as the problem, when in reality it’s all different types of people. my abuser was a woman, she kept me in a situationship much like described while abusing me and two other women, and until what happened to me, i didn’t even think my abuser could’ve even been a woman. especially out of naïveté of being 18 at the time of abuse and knowing that statistically men are more likely to perpetrate, never in my wildest dreams did i think i would learn otherwise so soon. thanks for your thoughts on the topic, i appreciated ‘em Bert!