Next on Jubilee: 1 abused adult child who went no contact vs 20 of their relatives who think they're an evil and selfish person for doing that

I struggled cutting off my brother who is a rapist, because my mother kept saying, but family.....but family.I finally said "mother, every rapist, murderer and child molester is somebody's family, but that doesn't mean they get to be in my life!" and that finally got through to her.

My parents disowned me when they found out I was gay at 15. When I became an adult and started to get my life together they wanted a relationship and I stupidly let them back in bc I craved parental love. Now I'm no contact bc as you imagine they didn't magically become good ppl and still hated who I was at my core. I get to hear about how ungrateful and how shameful I am from ppl who talk to them but it's never about how shameful it is for parents to throw away a child. To make them homeless at 15 and fend for themselves. That's the real shame.

I can't be the only person who thought people were going no contact with Oprah.

The weird thing is that "estrangement" seems to be more criticized than when parents "disown" their children which has existed forever

Mothers who brag and whinge about "supporting financially, sheltering , feeding and clothing you" when you were a literal CHILD Are abusive. Those things are the very bare minimum, and to not shelter, feed and clothe your dependent child is a crime.

I feel like in estranged parent groups there's an obvious avoidance of discussions around the inherent power imbalance between children and their parents. If a 16year old walks away from their parents, they are now much more vulnerable; if a parent walks away from their 16year old kid, the 16 years old is still the one thrust in a position of vulnerability. Parents have complete control over resources and household decisions, AND have 20-30 years of cognitive development over the kids.

When my dad got mad at me at 6 when I was to scared to learn how to bike, I did not have the cognitive ability to say "Father, I am not resisting your teachings, I am afraid of hurting myself because I definitely have dispraxia, and right now what I need is your help and reassurance." I just cried louder. And then he made fun of me for that for 20 years, setting the pattern that it was acceptable to laugh at me for crying or being afraid. It took many years of development and experiences to turn around and realize he was being a giant baby that day, and of course he gets to say "Oh but that was so long ago!"

That's the advantage parents have. By the time children realize what happened was unacceptable, the answer is often to get over it, it's in the past, but you CAN'T get over it because it shaped you as a person.

I feel so sorry for the daughter of the estranged mother who has a social media platform. The mother seems like she’s trying to bully, harm, & harass her daughter anyway that she can.

when I was 14, my dad stole my prescription benzodiazepines and caused me to go through withdrawals. He kept calling me, while audibly high, and I stopped answering. He called my mom and told her to put me on the phone and I was so scared. My mom is far from perfect, but I will forever be grateful for how my mom told my dad that she would never force me to speak with him or anybody who was drunk, high, or had harmed me in some way.

She protected me from the mental and verbal abuse that he resorted to when he was in the wrong or losing control of the situation. Even if it meant some of it came back onto her. That's what a good parent does for their children. My dad died a few months later, and I struggled a lot with the guilt of that, but my mom always told me that it wasn't my fault because I had chosen to protect myself and my peace and I should have been able to just be a kid. People don't just go no contact with their parents for no reason. It hurts like hell, there's a void you can't fill when you look around and see other people's relationships with their families.

>Be me
>Checks phone
>7 unanswered calls from Oprah
>Turns off phone

Child abuse - not estrangement - is the problem 'we' need to tackle. But 'we' don't do that. So some of us have to make the abuse stop by disengaging from it. Jaysus.

I've been estranged from my mother for going on 5 years. You know what? She's taking accountability. She starting going to therapy. She started trying to understand her children more, she's changing the way she listens when other people talk. She was very abusive in the past - she is accepting this.

I have been slowly reaching out more. I am trying to bridge the gap, she wants to as well. If parents want their adult children to talk to them, they need to be better, too. Neither my mom nor I would be able to talk the way we have been recently, if neither of us did any work on our own. It takes two, but you can't blame those who decide they aren't seeing enough of a PARENT from a parent to keep trying.

I have never contacted Oprah my entire life.

I think part of why it seems like its a newer concept or a 'trend' is because when my mother went no contact with her father in the 80's, she didn't have a term for it, she just cut him out of her life and never spoke to him again. It's the same thing, but now there's a term people are using to name it. Language and communication evolving doesn't mean it's more prevalent, just means its easier to categorize it.

I can't help but think that the concept of devorce when it first became legal got treated the exact same way as estrangement from family nowadays.

The whole idea that estrangement is a recent phenomenon seems to be rooted in the idea that we should have access to a person at all times, no matter where they are. When in the past, people very much moved out, moved away from their parents, and if they wanted no contact, they were never seen again.

I'm not going to keep someone in my life who hurt me worse than my school bullies, then pretended nothing happened. Edit: I am Gen X, and I tried to talk to my mother many times. This doesn't happen in a vacuum.

That story from the hospice nurse about how it's about control in the end, I think I sort of witnessed what I can only assume is a similar experience but backwards. My great grandma was not a nice woman and wasn't nice to my grandma, who was lovely but also always kind of a bundle of nerves. They lived together for years with my grandpa and the kids after a car accident and poor health. She, my grandma, developed a rapidly growing cancer and when she only had a few weeks left in life my great grandma was left in the room with her one day and after she left the room my grandma said to the nurse "never let that woman see me ever again, I don't want to see her." We will never know what was said between them but it was enough for my even-tempered and practical grandma to say she didn't need the stress of being harassed by her mother for the last few weeks of her life. Its kind of haunting that some people society expects to be a comfort can be so troubling and you'll never understand how deep it runs. I was in elementary school at the time.

I know someone who was no contact with their mum. Is now in contact again and it's ruining her life. Some people should not be let back in.

I keep imagining the alternative title, "A Recent Trend of Adult Parents Continuing to Harass their Kids Long after they Left Home Thanks to Social Media," but given the demographics of who still watches Oprah and has money, I think she knows who is buttering her program's bread. 🤔