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Five Behaviors That Make Unfaithful Spouses Seem Pathological (But Are Part of An Affair)

Lauren LaRusso

23,540 views

Licensed psychotherapist and affair specialist Lauren LaRusso explains five common behaviors that make affair discovery and recovery “go sideways,” noting that affairs can distort perspective and lead to compromised decision-making. She describes how these patterns destroy trust, intensify trauma, and hinder healing, and encourages viewers to recognize these behaviors, take responsibility, and do the internal work.

From Lauren LaRusso:
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00:00 Five Affair Behaviors Overview
01:01 Affair Brain Fog
02:11 Gaslighting Explained
06:25 Trickle Truth Spiral
09:48 Back and Forth Contact
12:05 Owning Full Responsibility
14:38 Blaming the Marriage
17:50 Healing and Next Steps
19:09 Masterclass Invitation
21:04 Final Reflection

#affairs #infidelity #love #relationships #family #healing #growth #journey

20 Comments

@FoxSleeping 5 months ago

Don’t try to understand them, just run.

@karmarising144 5 months ago (edited)

That’s exactly how I described it to my ex-husband - it was like he was drunk. He would make such poor decisions for himself and our relationship when he was under the influence of desire/sex/chasing external validation and trying to hide it from me as well as being in denial himself. His way of dealing with the guilt was to say that he wasn’t responsible for my feelings. Needless to say I took my feelings and myself out of the marriage.

@ReneeP6345 4 months ago

Thank you for acknowledging how abusive the gaslighting is. It is absolutely devastating and abusive, on top of and in addition to the betrayal of the affair.

@jam5843 5 months ago

At least my wife was honest enough to say that she isn't leaving him. So she didn't take behavior number 3. So incredibly sad though.

@ghost.ranger1628 3 months ago

There were so many lies I couldn't believe anything said.

@a.modestproposal2038 5 months ago

Gaslighting vs. deception is IMO a minor technicality. In a committed relationship your expectation of fidelity is abused the moment the affair behavior begins; everything done to conceal it is no different than making explicitly dishonest representations. Having your perceptions discounted to the point that you disbelieve them certainly is a different dynamic from believing your marriage is secure when it is not, but the ultimate outcome is identical: the rot of fundamental marital dishonesty.

Literally the first thing out of my ex's mouth the moment after she admitted the affair: "I never lied to you!" 🙄It's like she was gaslighting herself.

I spent 8 useless months trying to repair it. She fake-agreed to no contact and I just watched the lies pile up. I look back on that time as the most disrespectful treatment I ever allowed myself to endure as an adult. It disgusts me. Never again.

@Datkanwel 5 months ago

This is 100%! My wife did ALL OF THESE, multiple times, with many affair partners. Unfortunately 20 years of marriage meant nothing-many times over. We could have gotten through it but she’s so worried about protecting herself and her affair partners that divorce is filed and she’s in for a rude awakening.

@AK31029 2 months ago (edited)

Cheating spouse should be kicked out of home and marriage PERIOD. For whatever reason it might be, if you chooce to go out of marriiage for self satisfaction, first get divorced and then do whatever with whoever, good luck.

@itaibar8909 2 months ago (edited)

Guys, don't fix it, if you're wife steps out, it's over! Get out while she's in Lalaland, start your life over, the pain of trying to "fix it" is not worth it, she'll do it again

@laurasmith1831 4 months ago

This is my spouse, ALL 5!! 😞

@kdubya0113 5 months ago

How are there no comments?! This is spot on what I have experienced as the betrayed.

@michellerocco5073 4 months ago

Thank you SO MUCH!! WHEN THE PARTNER REFUSES TO LAY IT OUT ITS HORRIBLE THE BOUNCING BACK & FOR HE UAS NOT LET GO I CANT DEAL

@michellerocco5073 4 months ago

My idiot did all of these I CAN NOT DEAL

@Mike-bg9zb 2 weeks ago

If she needs someone else for whatever reason she is lost to you and you need to leave, otherwise you are just caretaking.

@jlaw8882 3 months ago

You forgot the classic "Do you have to drag me through it again every time I do something wrong!" When even going remotely close to the subject.

@koreatowers 4 months ago

Wow, thank you. Now 2 marriages into infidelity, this video sums up my current AND my ex-husband’s behavior to a tee. Denial, denial, denial. Unable to make sense of simple facts because they go into a place of temporary insanity.

@amitmuni4316 5 months ago

A gem. Especially to new couples. Discuss these things before anything happens to avoid them vulnerable with such situations.

@georgeclooney1293 5 months ago

This is one og the best videos i have watched on affairs and marriage. thank you

@rebartstudio 5 months ago

This has really helped me. I am going to listen to this a few times because I need to sit with this information. Betrayal by a partner is hard to understand, especially when you can't get honest answers from them and you made it a bit easier to start to understand how to situate my mind in a better place.