My 10yo is autistic. And I wouldnt expect anyone to watch him. Let alone demand it.

Joce going out without kids is no different than a no kid wedding. It doesn't make OP an AH.
He offered babysitting and at every turn he tried to actually find solutions.

I work with adults with disabilities. ITS HARD!!!!!! You should never leave anyone with your kids that doesn't want to watch them.

12:29
NTA- your child is not anyone else’s responsibility, period.
If they want to, or offer, awesome- but they’re allowed to say no, and they don’t need a reason.

I have to say the op is quite the stand up guy.
He offers alternatives and even offers to pay for them.

That girlfriend is definitely over stepping. Red flag.

How about the plain fact that he is CHILD FREE... his life..f*ck off lol. How selfish to expect your sibling to be an automatic baby sitter...why?

The brother is asking too much: 10 days with an autistic teenager, nonverbal. They know how hard it is, especially for someone who isn't qualified to look after him. I understand he said no; I have been a nanny for two autistic brothers. And they were mild with problems but were verbal and could function, going to school, etc. Even though it was so hard, I was drained at the end of the day. That was the reason the mum needed help. I am pleased to say the brothers went to university, and the older one got married and now has a baby boy. I am so pleased because I was worried about their future. He was right to refuse and be only the uncle, with his own life.

This guy could give a master class in boundary-setting. Seriously... like... goals!

Stop expecting other people to raise your children!  And yes I'm a mom and an aunt.

That Uncle is NTA. They should be appreciative that he is willing to admit that he cannot handle Connor on his own for any length of time. He still tried to be present and involved but it wasn’t to his brother and sister in law’s liking. They want “time to themselves”. Then don’t have kids 😳 it didn’t matter what the Uncle said he was willing to do, which he didn’t HAVE to do anything including spending time, watching Connor for a few hours, or financially either. He also tried to give them peace of mind letting them know if anything were to happen he would see to it that Connor was taken care of and safe and he would visit him. Nothing was good enough. It wasn’t what they wanted. Kudos to the Uncle for clearly stating what he was mentally and emotionally capable of handling with his nephew and sticking to it. If he had tried to watch Connor for 10 days or take him to Disney and it ended in a catastrophe, I’m sure brother and SIL would’ve said “why didn’t you say no if you couldn’t handle him??” He was in a no win situation. He absolutely did the right thing. Too bad they couldn’t be grown ups and understand and appreciate that he did what he could handle. Sad he had to go no contact but he needs to protect his own mental health. I wish them all well and I hope Connor continues to thrive and his parents grow the hell up

Autism put aside it’s not the brothers responsibility to take care of that child. My niece has five kids, and they don’t go anywhere that the children can’t go with them. They never expect anybody else to step in and if they can’t go, then they can’t go. But to expect someone to take time off work and everything is just wrong.

I did not have an autistic child. She was, arguably, a delight who got along in adult environments exceedingly well. Still, when events were planned as child-free, I would never - EVER! - insist that she be included at everything I was invited to because... child! Grow up, parents. Not everyone has to love spending time with your kids when they want adult events.

I'm super proud of OP for sticking to their boundaries. The whole family lunch and separate dinner was a nice middle ground.

Autistic woman here, his brother is EXTREMELY entitled, and you cannot expect others to destroy their routine and lives for us.

Side note, whoever called the meltdown "Temper Tantrums" is an serious issue, meltdowns are NOT tantrums, and it is a common harmful stigma to use that term to define it.

23:17 Hell to the no, SIL is "taking the mile" like OP thought she would

The father is totally irresponsible. 10 days is ridiculous, especially with someone who never did it. 2 days would be ok. More of that is just total lack of responsibility of this father.

8:12 Conner was being excluded, yes, his absence was planned and for good reason- children are not always invited to parties, weddings, fancy restaurants, etc for the same reasons that Conner was excluded

11:07 Why don't they take the child with them? Seems like they want to live a single life when it suits them.
That poor boy 🥺

The brother certainly seems to make up ALOT of reasons why he "needs" to ditch his kid for days/weeks on end. As a very capable disability support for 13 years even id tell them to kick rocks. Brother seems to always drop his kid off to his family. Id add it all up and show them how often they abandon their kid

No means no. The uncle wanted to be in his nephew's life but recognized he doesn't have the skills OR patience for kids shenanigans in general and for autistic outbursts and tantrums in particular.  That kind of honesty is rare and usually PREVENTS misunderstandings and arguing because a firm boundary is established.  No wonder the boy is uncontrollable if the parents are so wishy washy about "rules".  I get that the SIL is the boys STEPMOM and also needs time away but her pinning all her hope and help on OP is ridiculous no matter what her "autism mom group" says.

And OP should run from potential girlfriend -- she's giving off strong "I'm gonna change your mind" vibes.

I agree with the OP his nephew is not his kid. His brother wanting to do random drop off vacations and assume someone else with handle it is ridiculous.