OpenTube

Are You the Toxic Friend? Top Friendship Expert on Why Your Friendships Keep Ending

Awf The Record

72,654 views

Why does making and keeping friends as an adult feel so much harder than it used to?

In this episode of Awf The Record, Jeannette Reyes and Mona Kosar Abdi sit down with friendship expert and author Danielle Bayard-Jackson for a real conversation about female friendship, loneliness, vulnerability, jealousy, friendship breakups, and the quiet ways high-achieving women can end up isolated. Danielle breaks down why friendship is not just about having people around you, but about feeling understood, supported, and safe enough to be honest in the relationships you already have.

From the rise of the female loneliness epidemic to the pressure to be self-sufficient, Danielle explains why “I don’t need anyone” is not the flex we think it is. She unpacks why conflict can actually create deeper intimacy, how to apologize well, why jealousy does not automatically make you a bad friend, and how to tell if you might be the common denominator in your friendship patterns. This episode is a reminder that friendship takes time, repair, emotional honesty, and the courage to let people show up for you.

KEY POINTS

00:00 - Danielle Bayard Jackson explains why friendship issues are everywhere
01:19 - Loneliness is not always about lacking friends
02:20 - Friendships are suffering because we spend less time together
04:17 - The loneliness industrial complex sells connection, but does not always create it
06:04 - High-achieving women can struggle with vulnerability in friendship
08:19 - Closeness takes time, and conflict can deepen intimacy
11:04 - A good apology has to speak to the heart and the mind
12:48 - Jealousy does not make you a bad friend, but what comes next matter
17:32 - Female friendships are not worse than male friendships, they are often deeper
32:05 - Adult friendship requires intention, regularity, and asking for help

QUOTES

“We've lost the art of doing nothing with a friend.” – Jeannette Reyes

“The right people want the data on how to love you well.” – Danielle Bayard-Jackson

“Somewhere along the line, I feel like that came from our fear of vulnerability, because to need people, you have to be vulnerable and you have to ask for help.” – Mona Kosar Abdi

“We think of lonely as a lack of friends, but it's other things too.” – Danielle Bayard-Jackson

“I feel like part of having community is to be burdened.” – Mona Kosar Abdi

GUEST RESOURCES:

Danielle Bayard-Jackson
Website | https://www.daniellebayardjackson.com/
IG | Instagram: daniellebayardjackson

RESOURCES:

Keep in touch with Awf The Record - http://www.AwfTheRecord.com

Youtube: @awftherecord
Instagram: Instagram: awftherecordpodcast
TikTok: TikTok: awftherecord

Mona Kosar Abdi
IG | Instagram: monakabdi

Jeannette Reyes
IG | Instagram: msnewslady

20 Comments

@predictmyfuture 1 month ago

Sometimes the hardest thing is realizing that the pattern might start with us. Self-awareness can completely change the way we show up in our friendships.

@nnenna2469 1 month ago

Relationship requires curiosity and people are losing their curiosity about the world around them..

@DK-mp9eu 1 month ago (edited)

I think we, as a society, are going through a shift. In the past we accepted toxic family relationships, romantic relationships and friendships. Now it is more acceptable to end those relationships even when that means being alone. However, because it’s new for us as a society to do this, we may be in the extreme end of that shift. Over time it will self correct. In the mean time, yes there will be some extremes and I think that’s okay. It’s part of the process.

@CallMeAuntNae 1 month ago

Whew that fear of being a target is so real. I want to celebrate my wins but I don’t want to incite someone to “bring me down a peg” or come off as a brag…

@Gsgliving 1 month ago

“The right people want the data on how to LOVE you well.”

🥂 to Friendships!

Thank you ladies for this conversation.

@LaKymana 1 month ago (edited)

I love my solitude and also have my best friends over the span of several years. I’m not jealous of any of my friends. I genuinely love them and want all of them to win.

@Chayilchayil2025 1 month ago

This is one of the most intellectual conversations I’ve heard in a while. Well done!

@lyricscott1811 1 month ago

This was a good episode. Hard finding friends in this season.

@tmreaves1 1 month ago

I feel some times the women I have been friends with is hard because they dont have the capacity for emotional discomfort, conflict resolution, difficult conversations and vulnerability. I feel like I can see thjs also when they tell me about their relationships with their mothers, daughters and sisters or lack thereof.

@JosephGCook 1 month ago

This podcast was a gut punch and the validation I needed. I just went through a weird situation while getting to know another woman who behaved in a closed, punitive, and suspicious manner as described. She always thought I or ppl are “sizing her up,” she was constantly looking for red flags…everything felt like a test. Apparently I failed her tests but am so thankful! I have a fabulous life and, after much thought, don’t want that type friendship. I will remain open, and free-spirited which is the biggest flex. LESSON: move away from women like this sooner. Alignment is key. (Sorry husband’s profile pic).

@full-timedreamer 1 month ago

Saw this on IG and ran over here, IMMEDIATELY!

@1LocWonder 1 month ago

I’ve been friends with my bestie almost 29 years, and we stopped speaking for a year because I was jealous. She’d gotten into a relationship,& I didn’t believe that she shouldn’t have gotten married, I just didn’t think she should’ve BEFORE me. I was hyper religious at the time & in my self-righteousness believed I was more deserving. The thing is this was over 10 years ago & until this podcast I hadn’t heard from the perspective of the “jealous friend” only from the victim of the jealousy. Even in religion the Bible states that God is jealous, and we’re made in his image, BUT, when we’re jealous it’s a no no…why? I realized that I was absolutely wrong, apologized,& was even a bridesmaid when she got married. I remember how honored I felt when she asked me because by society’s standards, she should’ve been “done” with me. But she knew my heart, forgave me & we moved forward. I haven’t had an issue with jealousy in any friendship since, I’m sure it helps that I’ve been in therapy 5 years,lol.

@Cherryamora 1 month ago

There is nothing like being called someone’s best friend or “sister” but never being called or invited to things while they hang with everyone else. Or rather be alone than to call you to hang.

@DK-mp9eu 1 month ago

15:25 - jealousy is a very dangerous red flag in friendships. Often times it can not be resolved even if the person tries to do the work. I’ve experienced this at least two times where I had two very close friends at two different times in my life who admitted that they were jealous of me for one reason or another. They actively tried to improve it. But no matter what they did, they simply could not be fully happy for me when good things occurred in my life. And if something negative happened in my life, they got slight satisfaction from it. It took me a while to learn that jealousy is the biggest red flag, and if there is even a hint of it, you need to get as far away from that person as possible. As Oprah said, if there is even a hint of envy or jealousy, that person can simply not be your friend.

@WovenPsalm 1 month ago (edited)

I think how we process jealous feelings can be a barometer for the authenticity of a friendship. I may not be inspired by sheer good fortune experienced by a friend, but am I truly happy for her? Competition is the wrong gauge. It may be impossible for me to 'have it too'. Can I be loving and positively empathetic? Yes! She's my friend!

@enneirda07 1 month ago

I'm kind of ambivalent about having friends at this point of my life ((37). It's like dating, if I meet someone, great, but I am no longer actively looking for new friends. It hurts to always be the friend that people only remember when they're bored or lonely or need something.