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Healing From a Narcissistic Parent

Patrick Teahan

131,753 views

https://patrickteahan.com/workbook

Workbook Chapters
1 — How to Get Your Inner Adult in Place … 12
2 — The Built-In Forgetter (Codependency) … 27
3 — Honoring Our Trauma Responses & Coping Strategies … 38
4 — Overcoming Magical Thinking … 51
5 — The Feeling of Being "In Trouble"… 63
6 — How to Stop Anticipating Criticism … 74
7 — Childhood Trauma & Physical Energy Issues … 84
8 — Depression Related to Childhood Trauma … 97
9 — Processing Childhood Emotional Neglect
(The Things That Didn’t Happen)… 107
10 - Processing Childhood Enmeshment with an
Emotionally Immature Parent …118
11 - Processing Childhood Trauma-Related Grief … 131
12 - Processing Guilt: Recognizing the Family History
Before Low or No Contact … 143
13 - How to Recover from a Narcissistic Parent … 153

Journal Prompts
Journal Prompt #1: How did self-worth get twisted?
How did your narcissistic parent create damage around your self-worth and how you perceive yourself?

Write a list of ten experiences about lost self-worth due to that parent.

Examples
That Christmas when my mother made me stand up in front of the entire extended family while she berated me about why I didn’t get any gifts.

My father would take any achievement I had and one-up me. I gave up on having self-worth because he was the focus.

Journal Prompt #2: Who did they say you are?
Write several paragraphs about your struggle with a healthy sense of self and how the narcissistic parent contributed to a poor sense of self. Who did your parents say you were, either through protection, neglect, or supply?

Example

I’ve always guessed at what I like or who I am. My mother had these twisted ideas, or fantasies, that I was going to become an entrepreneur and live a fabulous life in support of her. Did I want that? What even is that? What I know now is if she had a child who was a rich genius, she could have supply and validation—she could tell her friends she raised an entrepreneur. Of course I don’t know who I am.

Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
➡️ https://linktr.ee/patrickteahan

Editing Service:
https://www.jamesrara.com/

⚠️ Disclaimer
My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship. If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255 or 988

20 Comments

@patrickteahanofficial Creator 1 year ago Pinned

Access my brand new workbook HERE: https://patrickteahan.com/workbook

Chapters:
0:00 Intro
0:54 The Damage...
1:11 Parental Problems of Character
1:34 Parents Are Responsible For Protecting Children
2:07 Important Questions to Ask Ourselves
2:45 What We've Established
3:47 The Impact on a Child's Perception
5:57 Patrick's Father
12:44 How Do We Work on Our Perception Issues
13:34 How Do We Work on Our Perception Issues - Self-Worth
17:42 How Do We Work on Our Perception Issues - The Truth Statement
19:34 Try the Exercise!
21:00 How Do We Work on Our Perception Issues - The Give It Back Game
22:40 Now It's Your Turn!
23:37 Let's Recap
24:08 Final Thoughts
24:50 Final Thoughts - My New Workbook!
25:26 Outro

@drb3353 1 year ago

My mom would ask me “are you stupid?” And I have spent my whole life trying to prove I’m not. I realize I wasn’t stupid. I was four…

@NolaCaffey 1 year ago (edited)

Abandonment, abuse, poverty, violence and all that was so awful that I spent five years, from the age of 10, teaching myself to play cello. It led to a scholarship and a career, and I left home at 17, and the country at 23, to play in orchestras (economic immigrant) in four countries. My family's harsh criticism left me so insecure, I almost worked myself to death several times. Now an old lady with no family, I revel in the peace of my solitude. Music is the glue holding the universe together, and it still holds me together. Tragic that schools don't have orchestras anymore, as kids in a cruel culture still desperately need them. 🌷🎶🎻🙏🌈

@Clumperlike 1 year ago

I believe many children of selfish parents have a huge love deficit that blinds them from recognizing genuine love. It’s an Achilles heel and can easily lead them to more abusive relationships in a desperate need to feel love

@lindafelder3902 11 months ago

My Mother laughed hysterically when I announced I had signed up for classes legends classes… her words “ you’re not smart enough to go to college “ haunted me so much, I dropped out after two semesters.
When my own daughter graduated with her Masters degree, my mother leaned over and whispered “ to bad you weren’t smart enough to go to college”

I calmly said “ nope I didn’t but I did raise my daughter to KNOW SHE COULD!”

@BitterrootGhost 1 year ago

In 5th grade I had an acute appendicitis which ruptured. My mom took me to the hospital and I was in surgery within hours - my body had gone into septic shock and was shutting down. I have never felt pain like that before, I was borderline screaming in pain and my mom said "I feel bad for your future husband if you can't handle this, childbirth is going to be hell for you." I nearly D!ED and was 11 years old. She had 3 natural births and never misses a chance to brag about how superior of a woman she is because of it. I'm 21 now and just now realizing how she made things about herself while constantly putting me down, even at a time where I was a kid in an unbelievable amount of pain and scared at the hospital. I couldn't imagine making a remark like that to a child in crisis.

@SallyAlmito 1 year ago

Thank you for reminding us that spending a lot of time thinking about the parent and their issues can actually be a trauma response. I fall into that trap a lot.

@jo45 1 year ago (edited)

I was a ‘gifted’ child, and my parents would brag about my intelligence, and yet give me no help in life. I was just supposed to know things without them teaching me, and I would be yelled at for stuff I didn’t know.
My mother is still pushing me to be a teacher (relative high pay where I live), and I rebel by ‘just’ being a unskilled worker in a bookshop 😂
Well shut up mom

@agnik1031 1 year ago

I was my father’s golden child and my mother’s scapegoat. The second I decided not to pursue the career my father had picked out for me, he completely wrote me off as a person. It’s been just over a year since I went no contact with both of them. It’s been hard, but I feel lighter.

@clexicat761 9 days ago

The fact that you are able to help us navigate this complex process shows how very wrong your father was about you. Thank you!

@aryananand6605 8 months ago

20:50 "You do not need to play devils advocate for your abuser" is a really helpful statement for me . Kind of helps me in remembering that not everything a person does is justified due to their bad past.

@zofiajaneczek184 1 year ago

They NEVER want you to reach YOUR dreams and YOUR fullest potential! You’re not supposed to ever outlive them, outshine them, out earn them, nor have better than them! You’re supposed to be stuck in the role they assigned to you forever! Oh, and along the way the advice they chime in, sets you up for more pain and suffering, along with lots of failure! How could you not fail when they set you up all along! They do the devil’s work for the devil! You need no enemies with parents like that!

@sharonthompson672 1 year ago

🥔 Me: "What kind of mother doesn't hug her kid?"
Coworker: "Forgivvvvnessss....."
🤬

@Denise00700 1 year ago

Parenting classes should be required. I grew up in a dysfunctional family so had no clue how to parent. Your videos are amazingly informative and helpful.

@sarah06ish 10 months ago (edited)

In my darkest hour, I went to my mom for support. She threw her head back and laughed with great pleasure, at my pain. Then she brought up a another very painful part of my past. I never trusted her again, as she showed me exactly who she was, and how much she did not love me. I could write a book on all of the trials and tribulations, of my dysfunctional family. So, Mom. I'm done with all of your mistreatment, abuse and favoritism. You never protected me, and ran me away from home, due to favoritism. I tried my best to be a good daughter, and did everything for you, but you never appreciated, or valued me.

@Krankin2584 7 months ago

Yes. I’m 42 and feel like I’m always in trouble

@marypezzulo5059 1 year ago

My mom would always wait until I made one mistake and then snatch away whatever I was doing with a story about how I couldn't do it because I made such a silly mistake. For example, if I frosted a cake wrong because I was twelve and just learning to cook, she would tell stories about what a bad cake froster I was and it would follow me forever. When I finally got my own apartment, I didn't know how to drive or do dishes or vacuum a room because of the "one mistake" rule. I don't think I'm JUST a perfectionist because of my childhood trauma. I just have a meticulous sense of order anyway. But it's definitely true that even now at forty I panic that I'll be fired or arrested or have something taken away from me when I make a mistake or a mess. I try to laugh at myself about it.

@Semper_Eadem_83 1 year ago

Forgiveness of myself and others has had a big impact. It took decades to get to a place where healing can even happen. Prayers to everyone in different stages of healing.

@victoriapage4842 1 year ago

I'm scared of writing youtube comments or really using my voice anywhere it can be attacked. When I was young I only had friends over one time a year. On that occasion my mum would see me laughing and having fun and drag me from the room to scream at me for being a horrible, pathetic, selfish child. I can never really relax around my friends, I think I don't deserve to have them.

@zXJulianXz 4 months ago

The bit that upsets me the most about narcissistic parents is that even when you defeat the narratives like 'I am stupid because my mother said so', you are still completely defined by what they said about you. To prove them wrong is still to be pinned like a butterfly on a board by that very statement. We cannot be whatever we want because we are either running away or towards the dogmatic beliefs of our parents which were carved into us before we even knew how to fight back. It's so... Unfair.