the last bit "would I become friends if I met them today" hit like a train

It’s actually really healthy to out grow friendships. It actually means you’re growing , evolving, and changing. BE PROUD

And you don't need to walk away just because you think you're "outgrowing" them or walking down different path. My husband has a close friend since high school. They're 35 now. They meet up like once every other or every 3 months, just to catch up over dinner. Their life path is soooo different. My husband graduated with higher degree, got high paying job, have his own business, and now we're pregnant expecting family. His friend got into art/music, single, no relationships, random jobs. They're just two good chill dudes who are just content with talking to each other. They don't judge each other at all and don't think about "outgrowing" each other or being nitpicky on each other. Now that's a real friendship; no judgements whatsoever.

After watching this, I realized that I was the friend whose ego was hurt by my friend changing as a person, and I tried to stop the change, which eventually led her to cut me off. It made me extremely guilty for a long time. Thanks for helping me think about this in a new light.

the timing of this is insane

Adding to tension: it reveals/adds different expectations from the other person

It's less "outgrowing" and just going on a different path. Looking at life with just growths only in mind is somewhat closeminded.

There’s friendships that naturally die over time and never to be heard from again, even if the friend was a hardcore ride or die (in its lifespan) But sometimes their lifestyle doesn’t push your future self in a direction that you’d want for yourself. And that’s okay.

Then there are friendships that you can leave them for years and come back like nothing has changed. And those friendships are the best kinds of friendships since no matter what in life, you’ll have a support system even across the country/world. Treasure those friendships

“Outgrowing” is a toxic oversimplification of what happens a lot of the time. A lot of the time, you have a shared interest/commitment which gains you a friend. Once that thing is lost or discontinues, its natural for those friendships to fizzle out. If we put “outgrowing” in terms of  like one person being a party animal and staying like that and another person who doesn’t like the party life anymore. They just have different priorities, outgrowing feels like you’re saying one option is better than the other. Yeah partying can be bad for your body (drugs, etc) but that person still has fun and enjoys themselves. Growth is so vague but implies that you’ve become better than what once was.

I don't always see it as different rates of growth or one person growing "more" than another person, but also perhaps growing in different directions and valuing and enjoying different things. You came together at a certain time in life when things aligned, and then as you value and desire things different to your friend, perhaps you find yourself drifting apart.

I recently ended multiple friendships with people who were no longer aligned with who I’m becoming, and closing those chapters were incredibly heavy, but also SOO incredibly liberating!! It’s natural to outgrow friendships and even though I still cherish the memories I created with them, me creating this boundary is an act of self-love and wholeness.

People come and go. And that’s completely normal. The older you get the more friends you lose because you don’t have enough time for all of them. As long as you have at least 1 FRIEND you will be fine

Imagine the shock of hearing, "you think you're better than me?" To a friendship longer than a decade when I got job that paid higher than him. I confided to him all my personal, romantic and financial problems. I respected his opinions and congratulated his achievements in good faith while trying my best to identify the natural human reaction of jealousy and envy to the best of my abilities to subdue them.. I'm literally 50k in debt while he is scott free of any financial hole. Some people just hate to see you succeed.

Very well put but I feel like it's important to note this is how surface level friendships work. A truly deep meaningful friendship FOCUSES on growing alongside each other.

Yes. People don't want to see you grow at all! Thanks for sharing this. I also think some people don't give their friendships enough effort.

Yeah I've had to drop some friends lately and I've come to realize it's because I've matured and grown as a person and they haven't. The immaturity is insufferable now, and I hate the fact I used to be like that.

I think the biggest thing for me is the realization that your friend is no longer your friend. Its a feeling that hit me like a truck. Its like being told by someone that they dont like you out of the blue, something youll never forget and that memory changes you.

My best friend recently ended my friendship. At first I broke down crying, thinking everything was my fault. That I never knew her completely like I thought I did. However, I realised it wasnt just my fault. Both my friend and I were responsible for our relationship ending. Sure, she had some points with what were right, and I have been working to change my behavior. I feel her cutting me off was really the best thing that has happened to me recently. Since that was the source of my growth :D I thought my best friend and her friend groul were my only friends. But after she cut me off, I realised there were many friends rhat I have been ignoring that wish to spend more time with me.

This is side of the life that is bittersweet - we outgrow ourselves and outgrow other people, sometimes the closets relationships. It will hurt but we're making space for people who will be better now.

Also dangerous when they say "oh you're like a family for me". Look at their families. Are they coming from a stable non toxic house? Are they loving and in contact with their relatives, or are they treat them as nonchangable possessions that will always be there? Because you don't choose your family but you can choose your friends. And you have to deal with your parents but you don't have to deal with toxic friends: you have to win really good friends, friends who will be there to help you, mentally and physically have resource for you. Are you that type of friend? Do you really have such friends? Good friend will always be growing and motivating you to grow towards what is really good for you. If you don't have good food then don't eat garbage, f you don't have good friend it's better to stay alone before really good friend appears so you have a room for them.