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Trauma Expert: How to Rebuild Self-Identity After Years of Shame - Tim Fletcher

Francesca Psychology

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Tim Fletcher is a researcher and counselor with over 30 years of experience, specialising in the field of Addiction and Complex Trauma recovery.

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00:00 Intro
02:08 What Is Complex Trauma?
08:33 Dissociating As A Trauma Response
12:09 Can You See Trauma in Someone's Eyes?
17:00 Family Roles Created by Trauma
26:15 Why Trauma Creates Deep Shame
32:00 Low self worth vs shame
34:20 Why Trauma Makes You Feel Like a Burden
41:19 Rebuilding Your Identity After Trauma
50:10 How Trauma Affects Relationships
53:30 How Wound Of Abandonment Ruins Relationships
55:05 How To Heal Wound Of Abandonment
58:55 Why Trauma Makes You Feel Like You Don’t Belong
01:01:39 Feeling Like An Outcast Like A Kid
01:05:15 How To Recover From Bullying
01:06:46 Trauma & Intimacy
01:13:37 Healing Your Intimate Life After Trauma
01:20:35 How to Let Go of a Relationship
01:24:22 What Is Maladaptive Daydreaming?
01:27:25 Scenarios Before Bed
01:31:38 The Foundation of Trauma Healing
01:37:49 Signs You’re Healing From Trauma

20 Comments

@TimFletcher 8 months ago Pinned

Thank you for having me on, Francesca!

@thesignificants 5 months ago (edited)

“You never are a burden with a safe person, only with an unsafe person.” I need to hear that more than you know.

@elionrekoy4079 8 months ago

Shame - when they say you are TOO sensetive. Yes I am , much more sensetive than you. .. but this in childhood creates a shame in us, like we are not allowed to be ourselves, to live -

@haleyhez 3 months ago

I think the fantasy response to CPTSD could be a strong indictor of why so many people are diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. I was, yet never responded well to stimulants, made my anxiety far worse. It wasn't until a psychologist suggested it was likely a trauma response to not be in the present/tuning so much out from the excessive stress I was exposed to at an early age.

@Krankin2584 7 months ago

On the outside - people see the perfect family. In reality, the children are surviving dysfunction and chaos and trying to behave not to rock the boat.

@PinkyPuff69 2 months ago

As an only child I feel like I identify with all the archetypes. At different times in my life, I was the comedian, the perfect child, the scapegoat and the lost child.

@claudiaciao-z8x 5 months ago

Tim: "... unless there's true connection to safe people, you never feel like you fit in."

@inspiringthroughhushtoroar1368 7 months ago (edited)

I wish I could send this video to my family 😅, but they'd think we're all in a cult 😅😅.When you've healed holistically you no longer get bothered about a family that don't want you to reveal the sexual abuse you encountered, you get to learn that they want you to hold their denial and shame. HEAL 🙏🏾🙏🏾. Remember that you don't need validation, please stand up for yourself and never be afraid of losing a job more than you are about losing yourself ❤️🙏🏾🙏🏾. Thank you for this rich video ❤️❤️🙏🏾

@Haven4YU 6 months ago

What a revelation I just had! The behaviors that worked to survive in a family of dysfunction doesn't show up well in adult relationships. Instead of participating in my relationships, I'm merely trying to survive in them. It's true.....😮‍💨

@laaaiaaiaisa 5 months ago

Hero/invisible child here. At 48yo I finally understand what the horrible gaslighting in my head has been. ADHD and emotional neglect.

@cyndyglenn4840 4 months ago

OMG I am this. I am 60. Don’t know who I am. What I want to do. How to have fun. Overwork. Was the scapegoat. Been all the roles. I left my mother after my father died. She went after me even more … cruelly. No contact. She carries A LOT of shame and parented from that - oh god I did too - didn’t know. 😢 Worked thru some things however Tim nailed it for me. I am so grateful

@Krankin2584 7 months ago

Authenticity was not allowed. So we become what others want us to be. In the world.. people ask why are you so quiet? What is wrong with you? Why are you always alone? Also, even the primary abuser asks “Who are you? You look like a lost puppy, you are embarrassing me.”
Even though they caused the damage. They then question the symptoms.

@douwebeerda 8 months ago

Tim Fletcher is on a whole new level when it comes to trauma. I am learning so much from him. Thank you for having him on here.

@janiemiller825 7 months ago

No wonder divorce rate is so high if 80% of us are traumatized/ needs weren’t met & we’re not even fully healthy or living as our authentic selves 🤷‍♀️

@RachelHeathcote-mi1jr 5 months ago

I was the people pleasing child until I became the problem child as a teenager! I think that would be very normal for a traumatized child! My Father is a narcissist & my Mother is a people pleaser! I had my own Child at 29 & that changed me dramatically, obviously! I spent many years hurting myself & not feeling worthy of myself or real love! I attracted unhealthy relationships! At 55 now, I have been finally putting up my boundaries up & changing! Most importantly I am stopping the abuse of myself! I am at the point of trying new things also! Thanks so much from Australia ❤