Sadly, not everything can be fixed because certain parties refuse to change their abusive ways.

There's alot of shame directed at adult children who choose to cut contact with their parents, but there's very little of that directed at parents who are abusive to their children. Thats why toxcity is rampant.

Brenda actually has no idea what she is talking about when she says everything can be worked on, that is absolutely untrue. I decided I had to walk away from my mother because she was abusive,  parentification, mental, physical and psychological abuse was  my normality as a child, as an adult I decided no more, it was then best thing I ever did for my mental health and wellbeing

You cannot fix what's broken, let it go .

Blood isn’t thicker than water, this is a nonsense for many children , sadly it’s family that can hurt you most.

Yes definitely. My mum was a narcissistic, emotional abuser and I cut her out my life years ago, it had to be done to mend my mental health.

Physical and mental abuse can NOT be worked on. Usually like brenda but felt disappointed hearing her not being able to put herself in abused kids shoes.

Yes if it's toxic, for your own sanity!
Blood isn't thicker than water.

Well said Janet; I went through the same; finally decided to” I really don’t need this!”

Not everything  can  be resolved, unfortunately 😢.
Sometimes, you have to accept  and move on.😢

People are quick to judge but many children are raised by parents who prioritise substances e.g alcohol, drugs, money etc over their kids. Many kids are abandoned and have to find their own way in the world without the guidance of the people who brought them into it

"Everything can be worked on"

I'd like to see anyone say that after meeting my parents - even police and social services gave up on them 😂

I have a lot of sympathy for Brenda. Losing both parents young must have left a deep void. But her comments were concerning. Saying to Janet “I'd rather have something than nothing” dismisses what Janet actually went through. Grief over a loss isn't the same as living through active harm.

Janet was trying to ask an important question: “If your child left home and wasn’t in regular contact with you…” It was clearly leading to a point about how a loving parent would want to understand why, take accountability, and repair. Brenda’s response “I wouldn’t abide by that” might have been said in jest, but it shut down what could have been a meaningful moment. It’s not a parent’s decision whether a child stays; it’s about whether the relationship is safe and mutual.

Later, Brenda said “obviously there is physical and emotional abuse BUT everything can be worked on and when they are are not there it leaves a hole"  and again, I have to challenge that. There’s no “but” after abuse. Not everything can or should be worked on. And it’s not the child’s job to fix the damage done to them. For many estranged children, a parent’s death can bring relief!  Not because they’re heartless, but because it finally ends a long and painful chapter.

Kelle brought in some much-needed nuance, though I’d still question why “respect” for a parent is treated as a given. Respect should be earned, not owed.

And really, why are we even asking “Is it ever okay to cut off a parent?” We would never ask “Is it ever okay to leave your abuser?” The framing matters.

So glad to see so many comments saying the same as me.

If family are not supportive of you or don't contact you ,in the end you give up

No, NOT "everything can be worked on". That's naive. Narcissism can't be worked on. Overt or covert evil can't be worked on. There is no cure for these. Victims die trying.

Parents don't seem to understand that their actions have consequences.

If a family is toxic to you then the greatest contribution you can be to yourself is to stop engaging with them. It is a form of self love and the healthiest action one could take. Obligating yourself to their wants would be pulling yourself out of alignment with the happy and content man/woman you truly are and could be if you are bold enough to put in a strong boundary of no contact.

I’m 30, mum of 4 and I would do anything to make sure my relationship with my kids is positive. I’d feel I failed if they ever didn’t want me in their lives

The thing people dont realise kids cutting off their parents doesnt come easy its never an easy decision. No one ever speaks about what situations kids have been put in by their parents. If its damaging sometimes you have to walk away.

Brenda is quite naive.