Full episode here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7l_0ZcSuRwg&t=0s

"Do not mistake my kindness for weakness", one of my favorite sayings.

1. Be composed and adress one issue at the right time
2. Have a confident posture
3. Own your voice

Confidence is a threat to a bully. Be confident not prideful, but firm with respect

As a therapist for 35 years I always teach stay calm. Don’t take the bait. Work on your triggers. Assess who you are dealing with. If a narcissist be careful. If it’s a work issue address it privately and if behavior continues go over their heads to supervisor with facts and documentation. Always keep track of the facts and address the facts with the other with respect and dignity. Always address an issue with facts. Facts not feelings are solid evidence.

We need this taught in elementary schools to prevent bullying throughout life.

Teach your people to
Praise Publicly,  
Correct in Private

I confronted a coworker one on one, and found out she disliked me because I didn’t say hello when I walked in the break room (I didn’t know it was a thing). From that moment on I said hello when I walked in the break room and we became great friends. You never know what people’s issues are.

Worst is when u argue w disrespectful people.  It puts u in a bad light.

Pulling someone aside to address a situation is also something to keep in mind when you have kids someday.  It's much easier to shout at the kid from across the room, But it's much more respectful to pull them aside and tell them what You need to tell them. And I think adults sometimes forget. The kids should be respected because you are modeling behavior for them.

One of the best bits of advice that can be taught is to slow down your speech. And then, slow it down even more a second time.  Your perception of how fast you speak is usually off, and slowing it down will change how you feel inside your body if you're doing it right.  Try it and see. Just super to listen to Evy.

There’s a book called “dealing with people you can’t stand” that is interesting and helpful for different personalities

The problem with narcissist is that you actually do have to draw attention to their disrespect without it being so straightforward, and it almost has to be in front of other people so that they can see the manipulation firsthand for themselves, because if you address it behind closed doors a narcissist will almost always start a smear campaign against you if they know that you are on to them

A lot of the workplace bullying happens because the leaders don’t care. They don’t descend from their ivory tower to pay attention to what’s happening at lower levels.

Love that she said “they are either going to raise you up or sink you down” Who you surround yourself with matters.

The irony here, those people who are disrespectful are the insecure ones announcing their short comings by attacking others openly.

no one person scares me,  except for myself when the rage within me is awakened by certain bullies.

I had an IT guy that was talking crap about me. I had inherited a project, from another company, and there is ramp up time to get your bearings. The other company had been working on this for 4 years. I was not familiar with it so there’s the time to get familiar. The IT guy thought that I should be at the same speed from day 1. He wasn’t my boss or even worked in my department but supported the building. A bunch of people told me what he was saying. One day, many of those people, and him, were in my office. I confronted him about it and he couldn’t lie because all the people that he was talking crap to, were present. He still tried to deny it. But he left pretty sheepishly and was actually extra nice to me afterward.

Respect isn't something you demand, it's something you embody. Reading books from MindBloomery helped me master assertiveness, communication and the thing is that true confidence comes from knowing your worth, not proving it to others. Also, the way you speak matters a lot. Slow down, be direct, and let silence do some work. It's crazy how much more people listen when you apply these strategies.

Phew! That was hard to listen to. Took me back to years of workplace bullying and my heart was pounding. I’ve sat here for a moment just forgiving myself for taking it. Next step is to reimagine those scenarios and how I might have responded, saving others in the organisation from the same misery too. I have developed a big bag of amazing avoidant behaviours, but I’m ready to learn that generosity does not have to entail subservience. THANK YOU.