Despite the abuse, the neglect, the rejection over and over.
I was a creative kid, made friends at school even being a weirdo.
Like many i raised myself, i was on survival mode my whole life and at 18 had to be independant.
i encountered people that treated me exactly the same ways "my family" did.
It crushed me more and more. When i look at my grades in school, my drawings and writings.
I realize the potential that i had to become successful and all the qualities that life took from me.
Its hard to be that person again, retrieve that spark.

I fear that I developed excessive empathy for others and not for myself as a result of my upbringing, so now as an adult I’ve become an emotional lightning rod, and I can never explain my own emotions. I also automatically see the good in people, so even when I’m defending myself against obvious abuse I feel guilt and pity the offending party.

I remember my family meanly mocking me because I was slow when I learned to tie my shoe laces.  When I see small children at that age today my heart grows heavy. What beasts are so cruel to need such a small vulnerable being to make them the butt of their jokes?

Now I can forgive myself for wearing a mask to “survive.” AND now I can forgive the parents who were doing their best as they were still in the vice jaws of Complex Trauma themselves and didn’t have a Tim Fletcher to help them understand their unhealthiness and how to heal from it. My heart weeps for them now.

I mold myself to fit the people I am with. No body I am around really knows who I am.

I wore a mask MY ENTIRE LIFE to be the "good boy" my parents expected me to be. The first time I've felt like I was being myself was during acting classes at the age of 26. It was LIBERATING!

I’m so sorry for the child I was many years ago. This is exactly my story.

It's because we have no framework or real examples on what it really means to "know who you are" and also, we were never given permission to choose who we are.

I know who I am and I have complex trauma. This is why my family scapegoated me, I had a strong sense of self and I was confident—they wanted to squash  that! Narcissists hate when they see you happy and confident, they want to confuse you and make you feel terrible.

The childhood abuse I experienced was about making our family look better than other families. We were to be star quality or be subjected to lengthy lectures about our poor performance. I could go into the mess it made of me, but will leave it at recovery has come slowly. I'm in my 70s and still making gains on figuring out who I am. "Progress, not perfection."

Unfortunately,  families often aren't functional and supportive. In addition, our whole societies aren't either. That's traumatising.

58 is kinda old to be figuring out who you could/should/would have been. Being a chameleon, relationships tend to be shallow, friendships are fleeting. Always an outsider...

Stunning idea. I had never thought of it in this way until now. I hated myself for being so  weak in character, always pleasing and always trying to fit in and not being me. In my old age now, with my mind going, I hate my life even more, knowing I am no one to anyone and still not able to stand up for myself, I just go on pleasing.

My coping skill is cleaning and then feeling disrespected when someone makes a mess. Perfectionism, OCD, too sensitive..

I'm nearly 60 and still trying to find out who I am. Luckily, I realised my family was unhealthy early on. And did some early work..
But it goes.deep.

I don't even know who i am. It's so sad and tiring. Its exhausting living a life of fear, anxiety and people pleasing.
I'm not even angry at anyone, i just want to be left alone.

I reject the idea that my potential is gone.

I had just barely passing grades in high-school, my teens were a rough time for me, and I was the most creative person in my grade. I wrote songs, I could draw, I could paint, I could act, I participated in class even if I barely knew what was going on, I was a great public speaker. I just couldn’t pass a test or care to do anything but perform.

All I have ever known about myself, is that I’m creative. I’m 10 years from that 17 year old and the biggest lesson I’ve learned through the trauma, the deaths, and the losses, is creativity is about creation.

Today I’m a professional chef and I’ve decided every single day I get to create, is a day I’ve lived. Whether that’s creating beautiful dishes, telling jokes, or creating a space for the servers and waitresses to cry, I have created.

Now I’m returning to the art that kept my heart alive, I’m returning to music for the sole purpose of creating what my mind cannot be rid of. It’s nowhere the same ( the creative process or even skill set) but you know what? It’s even better because I now have a higher standard and nothing to stop me.

I have loved. I have lived. And life can never take that from me.

And you can do it too.

I'm 53 and 1/2 and I just realized how much complex trauma had I've just taken the mask off in the last 2 years in overwhelmed with just feeling everything I'm a minister and even that I tried to earn God's favor for 10 years by doing so much that burned me out I'm at a place where I'm just going to be still and I hope that God loves me exactly for who I am and what I am where I am

My identity was robbed from me.  

As I watch this, I'm thinking, I wish that my family members could watch this and acknowledge what happened.  

I think this because the information being 100% true for me, doesn't seem enough.  

Their invalidation is like a wall.  I have done decades of work.  

My ability to love others has not changed, but knowing myself and being gentle and giving myself approval to simply be a person-- apart from my family's assigned roles for me-- seems impossible.  If you only knew.  

I teach and train others and do so from care and knowledge and empathy.  But I have yet to fully free myself from a narcissist family system.  I am praying and crying out to God to set me free.

I am personally experiencing the collapse of all meaning. I can't think of any reason to believe or do anything. I feel like an alien all the time. I feel I don't understand or know anything. I'm not unhappy. I just don't feel like it's possible to know anything.