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The Only Way To Get A Functional Alcoholic/Addict Out Of Denial

Put The Shovel Down

140,657 views

Functional addicts/alcoholics will stay in denial for years if you don't take these steps. I know you're trying to get them to see the problem, but you're most likely slowing down their recovery process. There really is only one way to get a functional alcoholic/addict out of denial.

Chapters/Timestamps:
00:00 The Only Way To Get A Functional Alcoholic/Addict Out Of Denial
01:00 Breaking Denial: Ending Enabling for Functional Addicts
05:00 The Illusion of Normalcy
10:00 The Enabling Trap
15:00 Breaking the Rock Bottom Myth and Empowering Change
20:00 Viewer Q & A
42:00 Conclusion and Resources

⚠️These are educational videos, NOT therapy or advice specific to your situation.

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20 Comments

@mitzitakes522 1 year ago

I just left. When they refuse to admit it, you cannot change them. Love yourself but be prepared to get sick if you keep expecting them to change. Sometimes, leaving is the best way to love them. Healing and love to everyone on here,

@maryannekendall3344 2 years ago

I haven't wanted to throw my son , who just turned 18 last week, out but the last time he was home, he demanded that I take him somewhere after a day of destroying our home. When I told him we would have to talk about what happened the previous day before I could take where he wanted to go, he yelled and cussed and I told him I would not be able to take him. He began to destroy our home. I was so scared and I had no choice but to call the police. I didn't press charges but I'm a single mother and I needed someone to help me stop him from completely destroying my home. That was five days ago. He hasn't returned and my heart is breaking. I don't want him to leave my home this way. I've been learning so much from you, Amber and I want to be on the other side of healing.

@gigismalley 2 years ago

I've done everything Al-Anon and 2 therapists have said to do. My husband's brother dropped dead from alcoholism and my husband's on the same path. He's 77, knows he's an alcoholic and refuses to get help. So, I'm done. He can die in his addiction. I stay out of his way, at 67 work a full-time job to save enough money so when he does die, I won't end up destitute.

@katrinao5943 3 years ago

if a consequence of someone's losing their job is that you lose your home letting the chips fall where they may isn't very realistic...

@thedeergarden3964 3 years ago

My housemate who is an alcoholic is actually overly functional. She cleans up after herself almost obsessively. The only time I’ve called her out was when I know that she’s been driving drunk cause she’ll pull up in her car and I can smell it on her. But even though she is very functional she’s incredibly unpleasant to be around with the slurred speech and her personality turns a littlest sarcastic. What’s funny is I believe she really thinks nobody know she’s been drinking because she spends so much time hiding it. Anyway this is good info to think about. I’ll try to figure out some ways that I’m helping her be more functional.

@LilT2o00 3 years ago

Roommate is functional and not in denial of being an addict, but in denial that there's consequences. Nobody reminds of them of any obligations but they still make it to everything on time. Basically their routine is get up, go to work, go to the gym, eat, then they lock themselves in their room and don't make a sound. If it wasn't for the sheer volume of alcoholic bottles in the trash can every week, we wouldn't even know they drink.

They're just like "I'm not causing anyone any trouble. I have a job and I pay my portion of the rent on time every month. What's the issue?" This has been going on for years

@paulamaguire2382 2 years ago

Thanks Amber. Watching your videos i realised that i was keeping him functional while quietly cracking up. I've stepped back and no longer covering up for him. Plus i've started speaking about his drinking with friends and family. He's not happy about that but its saving me mentally.

@madriwilliams 2 years ago

Giving them money. Cleaning up their messes. Not letting know how much they hurt me. Blaming other people for their behavior.

@Koala1200 3 years ago

Like Ivana said Don’t get mad, get Everything

@trollsnotwelcome7805 3 years ago

My loved one living rough 😢😢😢im lost in grief. He left because he said he couldn't take the guilt 😢😢i think just looking at us made him feel guilty in some way.
Im scared to death he won't survive 😢or that I'll lose contact.
How can i help in this situation without enabling 😢 this is so painful for them and for family

@TerriWinnings 1 year ago

Such a great way to handle your loved one. I truly believe this is the "smart" way to rise above! Thank you so much Amber!

@KarenRussell-g2s 3 weeks ago

I am doing self care by taking care of my health, by eating healthy, working out, taking care of my house and spending time with my dog and other family.

@FrankChase-o3i 3 years ago

I love all of your videos

@judisamoisette1258 3 years ago

I agreed, they go in and out of denial… I don’t live with my loved one but see her often 3+ times a week
She does so good, then goes and steals from us and gets some new drug and sleeps and looks like crap for days, then knows her baby visit is coming up she showers and combs hair and puts on the mom show for visit. Other times she makes big strides to sobriety… she is on Suboxone but is trusted with 6 doses to self administer. It’s just so frustrating

@anuvarma9435 3 years ago

How can they see that they are ruining the family when you are all pleasant n nice n trying to appear happy in front of them

@TheStrong2021 2 years ago

Cleaning up the mess including them out of the vomit. Business messes. Family relationship messes. Financial messes. But thanks to Amber that I've stopped doing any of those things.

@ldbobay 3 years ago

Amen sister. Thanks for the help!

@Caspertem 1 year ago

I've been protecting others from their addiction. 'They're unwell' and won't be attending an event. Clearing away the mess. Not calling out the addiction. Panicking to protect. Digs. Shouting. Bribery. All the wrong things.

@nikkip19771 2 years ago

Im new to your channel and have watched a few videos and this video relates to me so much..I do so much for him and keep reminding him of things..thank you so much for the work you are doing..you are truly helping people.