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How to See Through the Narcissist’s Final Act of Control: The Discard Phase

Tim Fletcher

104,819 views

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If you’ve ever been suddenly cut off, blamed, or replaced without explanation, you’ve likely felt the pain of the narcissistic discard. It can leave you doubting everything about yourself. Tim explains the discard phase in narcissistic relationships, the tactics they use, why it’s not about you, and how to begin healing without seeking closure from them.

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Tim Fletcher is not a doctor or licensed therapist; he is a counsellor in Canada and has worked with people with Complex Trauma and Addiction for decades. Tim’s videos are for informational purposes only to provide understanding, learning, and awareness about complex trauma. No information published here can replace professional evaluation, diagnosis, or treatment.

#narcissism #narcissist #complextrauma #mentalhealthrecovery #healingjourney #cptsd #childhoodtrauma

19 Comments

@Lyrielonwind 11 months ago

Don't expect society, the law, neither family or friends to back you up... it's a lonely road.

@cherylmockotr 10 months ago

The realization that the person you were in relationship doesn't really exist is a shock through and through! You have to mourn the "death" of their fake persona, for it is that fake persona that you miss, not the actual narcissist who you don't even know.

@spianny 11 months ago

My heart goes out to all people who are in long term relationships and have kids with a narcissist. I had a short term relationship with one and it was soo hard. I can’t imagine that with kids or shared home.
It gets soo much better on the other side… once you leave and work on yourself and heal ❤

@NattyByNature- 8 months ago

When you realise that these ppl are deep hallow shells you start feeling less sadness. They really are miserable ppl. And they hate your light

@nvdw1464 11 months ago

After getting cancer, I noticed a strange pattern in the relationship: he didn’t care. It took me ten years to find a safe place for myself and to heal. I’m still on my way, but this channel brings me clarity. Thank you so much! Slowly, the sky is turning blue again.

@cinder7183 10 months ago

Eventually, they die. That's closure.

@gulliver7419 11 months ago

It is absolutely shocking when it dawns on you that the narcissist never really cared. They can dispose you like a used tissue, coldly and without looking back. If they do manage to hoover you back in, the abuse is always worse.

@DaniellaTaylor-jv7kc 4 months ago

The closure you finally get is through acceptance you simply accept things as they happened, accept how things have ended, and you don’t try to dig for answers, unanswered, pondering questions from them. You just accept it for what it is, and that is the only way to find peace.

@yupyup1562 11 months ago

They always have other supply, even when they are with you.

@z7olliez7518 11 months ago

Hi Tim, my father was a narcissist. He recently passed away last year, I worked with him from when I left school at 18 right up until I was 28 (2023). I left employment with him after I suffered a nervous breakdown due to a chronic build up of stress over the years of being with him and working tirelessly to ‘prove’ myself. It was a text book case of narcissistic behaviour. Thankfully I have recovered from the nervous breakdown and have felt a lot better this last year.

I do partially regret not telling him what I truly thought of him.

@HeatherJackie-m8m 10 months ago

The closure you get is from finally really understanding what they are, and then leaving them to it.

@CaptainNetzkrank 11 months ago

It's terrifying how accurate this applies to these people. I just lived through exactly everything that was talked about in this video.

@estebanfuenzalida7581 11 months ago

I wished my nerveous system was able to understand this. It's been 3 months, and now I'm really getting back on myself. Thank you for this

@Writingmynextchapter 11 months ago

This video is so well elaborated. I was not discarded, I ended it. My first attempt to get out back fired, my second, backfired even more, but on third, I succeed. He tried to used every tactic on me, I end up at ER with serious digestive problems from the attack on my spirit, those that have been in the abuse of narcissist knows what I am talking about. If you find out about narcissist, plan your exit plan without the narcissist knowing, have a support group, you will need one, I start my support group with one person, and exit without the narcissist being present. Be safe! 🙏❤️🧘‍♀️

@elizabethmaus 1 month ago (edited)

It's not just their shame, it's their lack of empathy. Basically, they don't care about the other person so there's no incentive for good treatment. The lack of empathy is permanent, that's how they are and what you see in the discard phase is simply whom they've always been behind the mask. I think the narrative that these people are simply wounded victims is significantly harmful.

@TheDallassite 11 months ago

You just described step by step of what happened to me 40 years ago. I was discarded and schemed against. He even had his new women attack me. I wish we would have had this kind of knowlegde 40 years ago. It took me 10 year to recover, because I didn't understand what happened, I had no clue a human being could be so evil. You are doing God's work exposing and healing victons of Narcissist.

@yupyup1562 11 months ago (edited)

What I find fascinating is no matter the culture, the gender, or the the location, narcissists have the same methods of operation. It is like something in the brain, that is already there, just turns on one day.