I recall in an EMDR session a few years ago realizing that while they were projecting all their negativity onto me, I had been projecting all my good onto them.

@19:00 The bad memories are awful,  but they all remind me of why separation is better than staying.

When I was 9 years old and told my teacher my mother was always yelling and crying I did not know it at the time … but it was over then . I feel very blessed she sent me to my Grandparents for 2 years and they were very loving and kind . There was no chaos ,yelling ,raging or crying . I am still happy I stated the facts to my teacher  . My Mother actually saved me in that I am nothing like my siblings . It took me 50 years to get out . I knew I had to lose everything aka  my family it was too painful to accept . It was going no contact that  I could finally relax and heal this trauma .

I have been estranged from the core family for almost 40 years. I realized recently that my parents continued to create scenarios to blame me for their behavior/actions for many years after I left them behind.

It really for me was not a cognitive problem to be a scapegoat, but much more a problem of disregulated nervous system of cptsd type.  I never felt my family system was "normal".  I just did not understand why as a child I attracted such aggressiveness and brutality from other children as well...  
No cognitive therapy did whatever good to me.  Meditation did a lot.

These videos always bring up such vividly horrible memories. This one reminds me of why I live 1800 miles away.

Thank you Blake, so grateful I found a new resource to add to my toolkit. I had hit a plateau in my recovery and healing journey in the last six month. One of the narcissistic parent past away recently and even though I've been no contact and estranged from the dysfunctional family system, i noticed that I'm struggling with complex grief.

Great film brother

I am working through the Ascent toolkit. Thank you, it's excellent. 🙏

Wow listening to this video connected the dots of a pattern that I have only recently been able to see. I have never thought of my relationship with my family falling into the same cycle though I have so many examples of this happening in my life.

Really appreciate your video's Blake!

Very interesting information.  Thank you 💚

Thank you again Blake.

Thanks Dr. Anderson

Recency bias would probably include those blimen birthday wishes and their over the top niceties on that day. Where you can almost believe all is well because they wished you well on your birthday

I can relate to the self-esteem, which I didn't even know happened until you explain, here. Whoa! Thank you for your time in your  presentations! I'm having a memory where I was going out the door, excitedly  to apply to be a flight attendant job fair for PanAm in the 80s. My mom stopped stopped me briefly, and said  something to the effect of I didn't have what it took.And I might be a couple of pounds overweight.  Who even would want a job where if you gain a pound, you lose it? Now, I had done modeling, so just some runway local jobs for 2 years. When I was  16 & 17. I never did make it out that door to go. I ended up getting an office job like she suggested. No friendly skies for me and I just pretended that was okay. Approved by the family.  Here, now?  I really take into account what that was that day,? And how she influenced my decisions in occupation. Helping? I even worked for Ken Lay of Enron. I've never thought of myself as a scapegoat, but I believe I've experienced that very heavily. And my dad,? A Ray Donavan, Tortured Artist type. Ive described as The Shining mixed with Homer Simpson.  Both deceased, 2 days apart.  Finding out I was INFP  thought surely they could understand my quirky ways now. No one cared. I HATED office work.  

After realizing at Christmas my 20 year friend and neighbor is a covert narcissist.  She is punishing me for her blatant slips during discard and  will not pay me back what she borrowed. Shes still in her home. I considered her family. Today ruminating constantly. So angry.

Also, February, my daughter tells me, during this meltdown I am witnessing,  that she and my son have been diagnosed NPD. They want nothing to do with me.  Its- she & my son -  what I created!  Mentions, it probably wasn't a good idea to have my parents.Take care of them after school.

Three months before my parents died, my kids and parents skategoated? Me?, Daughter lied about me stealing money, set me up. No one asked me. But my daughter lied. I fell into her setup. She wanted the inheritence.  My son was on board? I see 2 months ago, realized. Wow.

I shared my inheritance 80K  to heal, and it's at the end; not wanting them to have to wait until I die, like my dad used to hang over my headt work. But I went to jail for a year, trying to fight the charges that didn't go down like that. Now ? I am a 3 time felon. Out of money and trying to adult figure out how to get a loan- at least I have equity. But maneuvering how to get a loan till I sell a house, I realize I am notadultibng well and that's killing me too. Frozen.

Oh, my mental health doctor almost killed me.  My questions, answered dismissively. Not truly addressed.  My kast visit, she looked down and said, (my diagnosis was) "probably ADHD, but I'm not going to change it because then Id be wrong."  She looked up at me through the teleprompter,  as if to ask, you didnt just  hear that? I hope not. I stopped seeing her, so it's been very devastating.  I think my neighbor and kids were counting on me dying last year from some unknown respiratory illness. Might be a reach, but much improved, my getting better? Getting eveyone, down. Observed in puzzled confusion.  Not my doctor, not urgent care, not the hospital caught it. Wellbutrin was inducing mild  anaphylactic shock. My psychiatrist had doubled my medicine up, thinking I was complaining of not being happy? No. She even scorned me for not losing weight on Wellbutrin. Well, I couldn't breathe or sleep at night. Jeez. A lot. Sorry? Not sorry? Lol. Thanks so much. Oh my brother oassed at Christmas from a blod clot at 40 ten years before my parents died. He wss the good one.  We were very close. I miss him terribly. Removed another friend last week because i wasnt being treated in a friend way. I want to not attract these types, anymore.

Thank you for sharing these discoveries about being a scapegoat! Even though I’m a Christian and Jesus keeps healing me layer by layer these understandings are helpful to build more knowledge in my brain database. God bless you! 🙏

Thank you very much Blake

I've been feeling stagnant latelly and it made me wonder if maybe I wasn't really making progress but this breakdown has made me realize how much I have changed in regards to my biases perception. It's encouraging to have that realization.

Thanks for taking the time to make these videos. I found that being guided in therapy without understanding the theory behind the pattern is harder for me to grasp. I appreciate your deconstruction of the patterns of the psyche.

Thank you! So helpful and insightful 😊