Key: embrace the grieving process and differentiate by developing a trusted self identity. THANK YOU 🙏

When people start accusing me of things, I typically don't respond and instead use it as an information gathering session to see how they operate. *If they go so far as to be a liar, I don't feel the need to defend myself to them anyway.

The only healing is by turning your back on them and never go back.

Reparenting  myself has been  life changing . As a grandmother now it is simple . I would not ever treat them as I was treated . Young children are so sweet and full of joy .Thanks for your insight . I now  speak to myself as kindly as I do  them . It is a rebirth .

The fact that they do it covertly is even more destructive, just adds more layers of confusion to a developing child. That's what triggers my rage, there wasn't a lot I could do about it, you are helpless and have to absorb it.

65 yo scapegoat here. I cut off my entire family 12 years ago because my mother and sisters are manipulative liars who will say or do anything to cover up their greedy narcissistic behavior and I will never put myself in harms way again. I miss my nieces and nephews, but since they’re the children of my sisters, they believe the same untruthful family history. I have no energy left to try to defend myself against another generation so I guess I will never know them. Too bad. I love those kids but now I don’t even know them as human beings. They’re in their 20s now. I hope they’re doing well but to me they’re strangers that are capable of hurting me as much as my parents and sisters did, so they will have to remain strangers.

And the narcissist always knows you've seen the reveal

Thank you Blake, watching your videos is like being on a comforting walk with a caring friend… so much clarity. I am starting to let go of the blame I’ve held, what a gift to know and accept reality. I can let myself off the hook with room for forgiveness.

I am the youngest of 2 girls & I was the scapegoat. My mom was a big on guilt/shame  trips. At 8 weeks old I contracted mumps from my older sister. Mom also caught mumps. Even till a few months before her passing (83 years of age), she reminded me that I gave her mumps. I didn't say anything to her about that because she had been dealing with cancer for 5 years at that point & wasn't going to live much longer. I posted this only to demonstrate how absurd it is to assess blame onto an 8 week old infant so they can portray themselves as a victim. My sister also had the same attitude. For example, she once told me I was responsible for her emotional damage & required years of therapy because  I was an over achiever & that made her feel bad. It seems I've left a lot of "victims" in my wake without any effort on my part.

I find myself, telling myself, that "my needs don't matter" when I feel the most isolated. Being the one who always took the blame, has truly wrecked me, and being forced to trust myself, has been my biggest challenge. Thanks for your words of wisdom, and glad the ytAlgo sent you over. Cheerz

This is a brilliant analysis of the negative projection that goes on by the narcissistic parents toward the scapegoated child, and how the child accepts this projected badness in order to survive living with abusive, delusional and semi- psychotic individuals.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! This is so validating. I've been on a healing journey for the past 6 and a half years. I managed to distance myself to minimal to no contact and after feeling rage about the childhood betrayal and abuse for many of these healing years I've now seemed to have reached a level of emotional detachment as well.

I really enjoyed both of Dr. Simon's books: In Sheep's Clothing, and especially Character Disturbance. These books made me realize that the narcissist understands what they are doing and is utilizing the immoral strategies for their own benefit, but  having low to no empathy, their conscience isn't bothered by their immoral tactics. If you accept that they are delusional and semi- psychotic you realize that they manage to hide the depravity of their behavior from their conscious self to a large extent. These are people who refuse to self-reflect, accept personal responsibility and the work it takes to change. Yes, they've probably had childhood trauma. I see that from what I've heard of both my parents growing up. But this doesn't excuse the way they treated you.

For a long portion of my life I internalized and accepted both my parents' projection of badness onto me and attempted to redeem myself by trying to 'save' my mother from the cruel world, which made her an eternal victim.

She would not let me go after I became an adult, but despite the fact that I moved as physically far away as I could in my early 20's I took on the role of being HER mother and therapist through weekly phone calls, where she would monologue about herself. My own life was irrelevant in these phone calls so I would reveal nothing and barely say anything about myself.

My father was violent and physically injured me growing up, but eventually I figured out that what my mother did to my psyche was even worse. After years of periodic strange statements where the mask would slip of my mother 's portrayal as an all-suffering saint, 3 years ago I experienced the big reveal, as you say, of her laughing at a sibling's psychological struggles, and I was so disgusted I couldn't bring myself to call her anymore after that.

I wrote both my parents letters explaining why I was going no contact, but my mother won't accept this and still keeps trying to lure me in while at the same time shit talking me to relatives.

Luckily I've achieved a level of emotional detachment where it doesn't bother me much any more. I've been able to maintain my relationships with my relatives having given them my side of the story, and they are empathetic because they see the obvious ill will and delusion on her end.

Thank you for this summary of what goes on psychologically in a scapegoated child. It is useful as a means of insight and personal validation.

Your voice is calming 😅 much needed with this kind of content 😢

18:00 I appreciate this stance. The humanist view of the narcissist’s behavior does not explain what those of us on the receiving end see. Even once they realize that they’re hurting people - they justify it or create some story about how they were hurt first. They simply do not care - they feel entitled to treat people however they need to treat them to get their needs met. They are extremely selfish people who use others to get what they want and need, and they lack empathy so they don’t care if they have to hurt others to get it; they also have an amazing ability to justify and rationalize whatever they do; they learned early to manipulate and play mind games with others - they see it as a fun challenge - a puzzle to play with. They absolutely siphon off people who have misplaced empathy. Never approach a narcissist with empathy. Approach with caution and insane boundaries. Call everything what it is and let them know early they can’t play with you or your perceptions. If they smell weakness, you are mincemeat. I’m 45 years old and God freed me from a family of these - then I married one and he joined my family - then I had a boss at work but I was rescued from that because I spoke up before the smear campaign began. NEVER broadcast your moves in advance. NEVER let them know you see them. NEVER confront them one on one - have someone safe  in the room and do not tell them what you plan on discussing. A narc always needs to be caught off guard so others can see how they treat you. That’s the only way to escape intact. Pray for wisdom and discernment, and if you’re trapped, pray for a way of escape and then be very strategic and very brave. If they know you’re leaving, and if you try to give them the benefit of the doubt, they will destroy you. Narcs see everything as a zero sum game. There is no leaving on good terms. They MUST paint you as a terrible person and destroy your life if you leave them - do not give them the opportunity or any advance notice.

Solid, confirmation that I have come to acknowledge, yet has taken years of resurfacing to see clearly. Stay strong brothers/sisters

Thank you, Blake Anderson. This is next level, and it's my first time I could sense it was explained with real goodwill.

Very difficult for one person in the family system to make an impact on NFS behaviors/dynamic. Especially if it's been a pattern for decades. Hard to improve/resolve issues that a group/family/team can't even aknowledge. The collective will just isn't there. Easier to minimize, dismiss, blameshift and scapegoat than to self reflect and be honest, objective and accountable.

Wow, I was used as the scapegoat in my family, my Mum and I are speaking for the first time in 20 yrs, and I am still extremely cautious. My siblings have not changed, I will not have contact with them only due to their ill will towards myself. Now after hearing your analysis, I am going to be very cautious with my Mum, because I can hear in certain conversations she has not changed. Yes, the shadow I had to remove a lot of the layers away. I can say today, so much better, my children have grown well too. My Mum and I only speak on the phone when I have energy to fake it, so to speak. It’s still difficult, they never allowed me to see my Dad before he passed away, then sent me a pic of him dead that morning in a text, was not allowed to a funeral. My brother is a sadistic type behavior, not saying it a verbal insult. My Mum has always idolized my brother, therefore me being the eldest has always been a bit of hard place to be in. She wanted me to reach out to him and reunion, however I told emphatically No. Thank you for posting this today, I sent it to my daughter and told her wow I received a better understanding today. Thank you again.

When I went no contact, it was very difficult, a beating of sorts, a complete shakedown of what I believed about myself and complete exhaustion of not being able to take that treatment any more at 55 or tb honest, I'd still be there taking their beatings. At the end of dad's life, they were brutal, he and one sibling were the instigators, it ended up being one of the best things that ever happened to me. I wish ALL of them well, I'll never see them again. I stay to myself and I am very content, joyful and at peace than at any time in my life, ever.

I'm going to pull all my energy from everyone that still has anything to do with the woman who narcissistically abused me all my life until I figured her issue out at almost 50 years old.  I begged my daughter to not have anything to do with her, she chose to have holiday with her anyways.  I am done.  I will not be at this woman's funeral for what? So I can hear whispers of time goes so fast you never know...  Insinuating I should bear GUILT for going no contact with her.  Even my brother who I thought would support me gave me no response when I told him about her abuse towards me, of course my brother was the golden child so I just can't take their shit anymore.  I'm going to love me very very far away from them and I will wait.... Wait for some acknowledgement of the truth.  Until then, I will love me anyways

Scapegoat of my in-laws. Now in estrangement. ❤. Awesome delivery and details. I’m quite educated but you did fabulous at the intricate aspects I tend to miss.